My godsister Aali met Bryson at work. Fresh out of graduate school, she was ready for a monogamous relationship that would eventually lead her down the aisle. Bryson was her perfect match– educated, financially stable, and he loved the Lord — or so he said. As we would catch up at her family’s Sunday dinners, she would gush about how funny he was. Aali even shared juicy tid-bits of them trading the not-so-innocent texts during the workday to keep their passion going. After they consummated their relationship, she knew for sure he was not the one. As she began to list off all the bullet point reasons of why she could never be with him, she seemed to leave off one. The real reason the two couldn’t be together was because he was already engaged to another woman and had a child — and Aali knew this information prior to the beginning of their “relationship.”
To comfort Aali about his fiancée, when Bryson initially met her, he told her their relationship was on the rocks and they’d somehow lost the love that brought them together. Aali believed him and began to enjoy the attention he gave her. The sex, dinners, and gifts were refreshing but his words of affirmation sold her on their romance. Despite sending him home to his fiancée with back scratches and hickies, she grew tired of his suspect behavior. Bryson would often go on vacation by himself and his social media pages were filled with bowtie selfies — no mention of a child or partner. His “I love you” texts and late night phone calls were consistent, but the gnawing feeling of being the other woman began to weigh on Aali.
“I’m not gold-digging for his money but for his feelings,” Aali said. One hour-long conversation got to the meat of her complex, yet enduring relationship. Unlike the men she had dated before, Bryson not only looked good on paper, he told Aali what she needed to hear. He (seemingly) made himself emotionally available for her to unload her 20-something troubles and he never forgot to tell her how beautiful she was. Somehow, through his affair, he appeared to help Aali through her self-hate issues. I never supported Aali’s relationship with Bryson for moral and personal reasons, but oddly enough I could see he was her saving grace — in a sense.
When Bryson ended their relationship, he told her what she needed to work on. Like a therapist, he suggested she accept how a man feels for her without asking 21 questions. (That’s likely not easy to do when said man has a family on the side.) He also, ironically, told her she needed to work on her self-esteem. Despite all the angry rebuttals I had for his self-righteousness, he was right. Aali never believed she was enough, until now. No matter the date, season, or number of heart-to-heart conversations Aali had with her friends, we could never convince her of her own worth. Bryson became an unlikely sponsor of emotional gain for Aali. Although it was for all the wrong reasons, he brought her to an “ah-ha” moment: she deserved more and she could get it. Though some may judge Aali for her behavior, I have learned it is always the unlikely relationship that pushes forth a rebirth that will direct us to a better life and man.
