Why does it seem like when a woman makes a mistake and asks for a second chance men are more resistant to give that to a woman? Often times, it’s things that men have done in the past and gotten a second chance for themselves. Early on in the relationship when he was caught exchanging flirty text messages or neglected to tell his girlfriend that he was still in regular contact with his ex-girlfriend, he got a second chance to make it right. However, the second he found out that she was still talking to her ex… he bolted.
It happens all the time. I’ve known men who cheat and get a second chance and when a woman cheats, he’s not at all willing to work through the issue. It doesn’t even have to be as severe as cheating, it could be as simple as working through other relationship issues. An abusive man will plead and plead for forgiveness. However, when a man is faced with an abusive significant other or spouse, he doesn’t want to wait the time for her to improve and grow into a better person.
So why is that?
It’s a pride issue.
Men often are too prideful to admit that they’ve been hurt or that something went wrong on their watch. They’d rather run away from the issue and chastise the women rather than to admit that things aren’t always perfect and they need to improve over time. It’s really to a fault. Things would be a lot better for us men if we would learn to get through things. I actually spend time working with men on giving second chances and while it’s not easy, it’s definitely doable.
If men are truly interested in giving second chances then all these things need to add up:
- Don’t tell anybody your damn business. This can prevent a lot of unnecessary egg yolk on your face.
- Find out the why and address that. Don’t focus on the what.
- Make sure your woman is really about that change life; a lot of times men/women aren’t but still want a second chance.
- Make sure it’s a second chance and not a third, fourth, fifth, etc.
Another point worth bringing up is why women are worried about getting second chances from men in the first place. Let me be honest with you, sometimes people make mistakes for a reason. I remember when I was in college and I made a mistake in my relationship and it was a dead giveaway that I didn’t really want to be in that relationship. Therefore, consider the mistake and if you really want a second chance. You may just want to stop fighting for that second chance and move on to the next one.
If you’re really serious about wanting the second chance and you want to find a way to convince your significant other to give you one, then in addition to the first four things I mentioned, these things also need to add up:
- Be serious about making a change. If you’re asking for a second chance, you damn sure better make sure it’s what you want.
- Admit that you were wrong in the first place. A lot of times we don’t want to start with the fact that we were initially wrong for our actions.
- Be patient and calm. When you’re in the wrong, you can’t make demands. Give him time to want to give it a second try.
- Accept that he still may say no. There’s really no good reason to keep wrecking your brain around why he won’t give you a second chance; he really doesn’t have to.
As I close this post, I want to rehash on a few main points that I hope were clear. First off, it’s not really all that confusing that men aren’t as likely as women to give second chances. Second, always make sure that you really want the second chance and that you’re not just trying to save face by having a happy landing before you take off again. And above all else, understand that you’re asking for a second chance and while you may think you deserve one that doesn’t mean that he’s required to give one.
