The Lost Art: Do Men Still Pursue Women?

June 26, 2013  |  



Maybe I’ve listened to one too many old r&b songs, but my expectations in a relationship don’t seem to be conducive to what most men of my generation are willing to give.

Pursuing a woman now seems to be a lost art form…and I’m starting to believe that the only ones who know the proper way to do it are much older men. Maybe it’s the way that they were taught that somehow didn’t make it to my generation of men. Whatever the case, I refuse to shun it off as a thing of the past and settle for a man who doesn’t know how to properly ‘court’ me. Yes, I am under the age of sixty using the term ‘court.’ I honestly believe that relationships could be much better if the dating process set up better expectations. If he didn’t open doors while you were dating, why would he magically start when he becomes your man? Just saying.

My way of thinking is probably the reason why I’m still single. It was probably easier when my checklist was limited to many superficial qualities. Now as I’ve gotten older and have replaced the Boris Kodjoe lookalike requirement for more substance-based qualities, my pool of hopeful candidates has decreased dramatically. And if you don’t count old boyfriends that I’ve brought back from the dead attempting to teach them how to treat me, then the choices are even slimmer.

Am I asking for too much to want a man to open doors, call and say good morning, and to be considerate of my feelings even when it’s not convenient for him? Is it unrealistic to expect flowers (occasionally, not too much…everything in moderation), and just a tad bit of romance without asking for it?

Usually when I run these expectations by people, I get looks of sympathy, as if my peers are thinking “you poor thing.”  I assume it’s because many younger women have yet to be introduced to a gentleman. And unless you’ve experienced how you should be treated, sometimes you never know.

While I am a bit of a modern feminist to some extremes, when it comes to relationships I am a somewhat old-fashioned. Call me crazy but I still want to be pursued. Now of course there is a thin line between pursuing a woman and being obnoxious; and in all situations there is a give and take. Still, sometimes it’s the simple things that guys can do to show a woman he’s interested and respects her; and it doesn’t include complimenting her physical attributes.

Maybe I’m expecting too much; or maybe some of my peers aren’t expecting enough. Whatever the case, I will just try my luck and continue waiting for my gentleman to arrive. Everyone has a different view of what a gentleman is or even what they require out of a man. What do you expect from a man you’re seriously dating?

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