Don’t Mess With My Man: Is It Ever Really Okay To “Fight” Over A Man?

June 14, 2013  |  

If you given up on daytime TV, you’ve fortunately missed the wig-snatching that is, “Is My Boyfriend Cheating With my Momma?” episodes of Jerry Springer. Well, you haven’t really missed anything; if you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all.  But maybe you did catch the quick Twitter beef that occurred between singer/socialite Teyana Taylor and Angela Simmons after Simmons was spotted on the NYC streets by the side of Brandon Jennings, Taylor’s Milwaukee Bucks’ player ex-boyfriend. Taylor posted a series of subtweets about betrayal, one listing, “Last night before bed I had an awesome meal I didn’t finish.  Wonder if she wants that too.”  Simmons failed to respond, but it got me thinking, why is it always so much easier to attack the other woman, and is it ever actually her fault?

Is it ever okay to fight over a man?  Most of the time the men that women are fighting over aren’t worth the energy, but I might throw down when it comes to disrespect.  Thirst has already reached inconceivable levels as the summer creeps closer and we all know there are some women who refuse to take no for an answer.  The thirstiest of them all take pride in getting a guy to cheat on his girlfriend so they can wear his infidelity like a badge of honor. For the most part if a woman is clearly overstepping her boundaries, your man should be shutting it down before you’re even aware there’s been a breach.  But sometimes you have to call people on their disrespect, whether it’s because they don’t realize they’re being disrespectful or to make them understand that you are not their personal doormat.

Take some of the following situations.  You’ve confided in your friend for months about how fine the personal trainer is at the gym you frequent and you’ve done everything short of straddling him on the weight bench to get his attention, but no official “let’s make a date” moves have been made.  Next thing you know your girlfriend is making strawberry banana smoothies for him at her place and you’re left wondering what the heck happened.  While you were making a play, your girl went for hers whether it’s because she couldn’t stand you getting any attention that she wasn’t or, as the most played out excuse of all time says, “It just happened.”  What about the co-worker who disrespectfully flirts with your guy right in front of your eyes?  Every time your guy visits you at work, here she comes bending over to pick up imaginary paper clips and smiling and giggling in his face (like a scene out of Baby Boy). Some women are well aware of what they’re doing and need to be checked accordingly.

Now, don’t get me wrong, before you take off your earrings or start text thugging, make sure your problem is a desperate female and not a disrespectful dude.  It can be easy to react to a situation when your emotions are running high, but make sure your hurt feelings aren’t a result of some misunderstanding or you just blaming someone else for your own shortcomings or weaknesses in a relationship.  If your man is unfaithful or if he’s flirting right back, you might need to have a conversation about what’s acceptable in your relationship before you go confronting other girls.  You don’t have to go snatching someone’s wig off on the Jerry Springer set, but for particularly parched females, disrespect needs to be addressed.

It amazes me how quick women are to throw away friendships they’ve had for years over a man they’ve only known for a couple of months.  Meanwhile, men are bonding over girls who have had a piece of the whole crew.  “Fighting” with another female over a man should only be something that happens after every other effort has been exhausted. Even then, no adult woman should be engaging in Facebook battles and throwing drinks in the club, especially over a man who has the nerve to be entertained by it all. Don’t be that girl on Cheaters who security has to clothesline to keep from attacking an unsuspecting female who just learn you existed.  Any man who is worth fighting over won’t allow you to do so.  Besides, there are too many shoe sales out there for us to go to war over to be getting “turnt up” over trifling men.

Toya Sharee is a community health educator and parenting education coordinator who has a  passion for helping  young women build their self-esteem and make well-informed choices about their sexual health.  She also advocates for women’s reproductive rights and blogs about  everything from beauty to love and relationships. Follow her on Twitter @TheTrueTSharee or visit her blog, Bullets and Blessings.  

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