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When it comes to relationships, I’ve learned to assume nothing. While speaking with one of my close friends about her relationship, I realized how delusional she had become when it came to her situation; and while I wanted to offer her that shoulder to cry on once again, I was finally conflicted about what I should say. Should I console her and tell her that we all make mistakes as I usually explain to her?  Or should simply give up the ghost and tell her, “Girl, this dude has you delusional”?

Because we had been friends for more than 12 years and I had been her listening ear for more than a year, I finally decided on the latter. After dealing with a guy for more than a year who claimed he loved her, though they sometimes see each other less than once a month (and they live in the same city), it was time she embraced her delusional mindset so she could move on. And although I had never dealt with the exact same situation, I too was guilty of having my own few situations where I allowed my fairytale dreams to cloud a nightmare reality; but I eventually realized that the first step in moving on is to admit that you are clearly confused about what’s going on in your relationship.

Being delusional simply means that you have a strong conviction of what is true (in your mind), although the evidence supports something totally different. What do I mean? Well, example one: when a man says he wishes he could spend more time with you but he seems to find time to do everything but that. Or when your guy says he wants to get married once he deals with his trust issues, but they are the same issues he’s tried to tackle for the entire six years the two of you have been dating. Or when all of your friends see your man dogging you, but you make up excuses, saying that’s just his defense mechanism when he’s scared of looking vulnerable.

Being delusional is never healthy for a relationship or ultimately for anyone’s self-esteem. It was extremely difficult to tell my friend that she was allowing this man to make a fool of her; but after more than a year, I was left with no choice. I had suffered from the ‘delusional woman’ syndrome before and wanted to ensure that one of my closest friends didn’t allow these traits to stay around longer than needed.

Many times, we become delusional because we want something so bad that we allow our desires to get in the way of reality. And even the woman who usually has high self-esteem and/or makes good decisions can fall into the trap.

My friend had never acted this way when it came to a man, but in her head she was living a lie when it came to the state of their relationship. Still, I think she was very aware of all that. I had to have that provoked talk to her about her relationship, but she took it in stride and admitted that she had made enough excuses for her man.

See, being delusional about your relationship even has its breaking point. And when it comes to a relationship, I’ve personally decided to assume nothing, but wait for proof. When it comes to a man, his words should line up with his actions, not some story I’ve conjured up in my head.

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