Is It Bad That I Never Made Love… Because I Want To Find It?

May 23, 2013  |  

 

By now, you’ve heard Wale’s song “BAD” and probably let your head sway along with that smooth chorus. But did you really catch the lyrics?

[Hook: Tiara Thomas]

Is it bad that I never made love, no I never did it.

But I sure know how to f#%k. 

Hmm is that bad?

If you caught last week’s episode of “The Game,” you saw the shock on Brandy and Boss Lady’s face when Keira (Lauren London’s character) revealed that she was a virgin. A 25-year-old virgin was laughable. But why? Why wasn’t that admirable? Why was she encouraged to gon’ and give it up?

Why is having sex by the time you’re a certain age, whether you’re married or not, expected? I’m a 25-year-old virgin. Am I missing something? Or am I waiting for true love? I know that may sound corny, but what if we have a shallow view of our body’s worth? What if having sex without love is not all it’s cracked up to be? From every angle I’ve seen, including a few scenes of “Love & Hip-Hop Atlanta,” all sex before marriage seems to do is just complicate things. Then again, I don’t even have to go that far, I see what it’s done to friends and family members. We’re not just sexual beings, we have emotions and souls too. So, don’t all those elements get intertwined when one has sex? For women, it definitely seems so. And if not, if you say you are able to have sex without feelings, doesn’t that mean you are dehumanizing yourself to merely an object to please others and be pleased? Are you really okay with that? I’m not. And I don’t think any of us should be. I think we should want more. We should want to experience the giving of our precious bodies to another under a lasting covenant. Sure, marriages are failing left and right, but does that mean that our bodies are now less valuable as well?

I could say at least wait to make love, but even that is selling yourself short if that “love” is before marriage. Imagine a world that waited ’til marriage and kept their vows. Think about the pain that wouldn’t exist in so many hearts. All of my friends who have been sexually active and now are waiting and praying for God to send them a husband they can worship with (yes, worship is what they call it) tell me that I should be glad I’ve waited. Now, don’t get me wrong, I have desires just like the next person, but I also have to have boundaries. They may sound like rules and regulations, but sometimes boundaries prevent us from forsaking great for good enough. I’m sorry, but Joan’s three-month rule (Girlfriends) and Steve Harvey’s employee probationary allegory that also applied a 90-day rule, shouldn’t be enough for us. We’re not talking about a job here, our beautifully and fearfully made bodies are on the line.

Considering that I’m a virgin, I’m sure some would argue I don’t know any better. But what about someone who does — from experience? It just so happens that my best friend—an up and coming songwriter whose written for and with some accomplished artists and songwriters —has another way of looking at love and sex. In her remix of “Bad” Natalie Lauren asks, is it bad that I want to find love?

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