So last week I wrote an article entitled Co-Mingling Cash: Should You and Your Mate Get a Joint Account?, and MN Business readers were NOT about that life! I received so many comments from singles and even those that were married totally against the idea of opening joint accounts, but one commenter mirrored by sentiments exactly when he stated, “A lot of people are seeming way opposed to any kind of joint account even when married….which seems to explain why money is the number one cause for divorce.”
In dealing with love and finances there has to be trust. I guess the false assumption I made when writing that article is that if someone is in a long-term, committed relationship or married, they have made the ultimate relationship commitment and presumably there is trust. So I decided to get out of La La Land and do some research on marital money mischief.
I found a survey conducted by the National Endowment for Financial Education that asked personal money questions to over 2,000 US adults. The survey revealed that 31 percent of adults who have combined assets with a spouse or partner say they have been deceptive about money. Forty-eight percent of young professional couples said they hid money from their partner and 53 percent say they misrepresented the amount of a purchase.
OK, so I get it. It’s hard out here to put your money on the line in the name of love. But think about it — if you don’t feel like you can trust your mate with money, how can you trust them with anything else? Deception isn’t just demonstrated in financial situations. If you can’t trust your mate with money, there are also probably a few white lies being told outside of financial topics.
But let’s stick to the money subject for the moment. So you might ask, “How can you figure out if you can trust your partner with money?” Good question and here as some answers for you.
Baby Steps
Before you allow your partner to have access to your hard-earned money, you should start by opening a small account together. For example, get a cell phone account or add his name to a credit card with a low limit. Basically something you could easily pay off yourself if things went south.
Observe your mate’s behavior to see if he is adamant about paying the bill on time or if he isn’t really concerned. Is he voluntarily handing over his portion of the bill or is it like pulling teeth to get him to pay? If the small steps are a success, gradually build up to the big joint financial steps like a lease agreement, mortgage, or bank account.
Check Him Out
Another way to check out how financially responsible your mate is is by observing how he handles his own money. When you go over to his apartment are there late notices on his kitchen table while he has a row of new shoes in the closet? Is he saving for his retirement and has a personal savings account he can bring to the table to add to yours?
Trust Your Gut
If you know your mate is all about the Benjamins and you just have an inkling that if things didn’t work out between the two of you he wouldn’t hesitate to take you to the cleaners for all you’ve got, don’t ignore those feelings. Like most things in relationships there are signs that can lead you to right decision. Don’t go against your better judgment just because you are in love.
At the end of the day, sharing accounts should be left to married folks. Playing house will leave you broke if your mate cleans you out right before you separate; there are marriage courts that give married people recourse to get their half and not be left high and dry. If you aren’t willing to trust your mate with your future, you shouldn’t be trusting him with your cash. And if you are married, you should have the trust that allows your relationship to be the exception to the negative statistics and not the rule.
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