When I think about the concept of sowing, two things come to mind: reaping what you sow and sowing your wild oats, neither of which have particularly positive connotations — for women at least. We all know men are taught to go out and sow their wild oats before they settle down while women are taught to keep their flower unplucked until someone asks for their hand in marriage somewhere down the line, but keeping gender biases out of the equation would it be good for women to do a little sowing too?
It’s widely believed that if women didn’t have to deal with the ho halo hanging over their heads anytime they decided to be sexually exploratory before marriage, they’d be doing a lot more than they do now. That may be the case considering before Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and every other Social Media outlet under the sun we used to have a little thing known as privacy to keep our risqué behavior under wraps. But I’m not talking about women just wanting to have a little fun or give in to their temptations without thinking about any potential consequences, The question is, is it necessary?
Ask nearly any married person, or heck someone who’s been in a relationship with (or “tied down to”) one other person for long enough and they’ll be quick to advise people to have their fun now, usually with a heavy emphasis on that F in fun. “Get it all out of your system now” some will say or “explore different things,” all of which boils down to having some type of experience(s) that will only be appropriate for you to have while young and unattached. That’s not a bad idea, nor is it unlike other advice to go travel abroad or learn this or that skill before you’re married or with kids. When you are your only priority, the sky is essentially the limit. But amidst this pro-wildin’ out encouragement is an undertone that if you don’t get it — whatever it may be — out of your system now, you’re going to regret it later and possibly ruin a good thing you have going at the time. Is that always the case?
There seems to be this fear that if women don’t sow their oats pre-marriage, their curiousity later down the line may literally kill the cat and their relationship as they seek to enlighten their curious minds. I imagine for some spouses who have lived sheltered lives, perhaps settling down with a high school sweetheart or something like that, they would eventually want to have some other experiences with some other people. But for women who aren’t naturally interested in knowing a lot of men in the Biblical sense, I don’t think you can assume across the board that by their tenth wedding anniversary they’re going to be searching for “something new.” And let’s not forget a lot of people aren’t even thinking about marriage these days. What’s there to sow in those cases?
When it comes down to it, you have to know yourself and what you really want. You can’t sow oats you don’t really want to sow just because someone else tells you you should. And in the same token, you shouldn’t limit yourself sexually because you’re worried about the social repercussions for what you’ve sown. The bottom line is you need to do you, and if that includes a few other people too before someone puts a ring on it, so be it.
What do you think?
Brande Victorian is the news and operations editor for madamenoire.com. Follow her on twitter @Be_Vic.
*Photo courtesy of Shutterstock.
She Tried It: Inahsi Naturals Aloe Hibiscus Leave-In Conditioner & Detangler
Kim Kardashian Lands Olympic Partnership Deal, Shapewear Line To Be Worn By Team USA Athletes
She Tried It: Ivy Park Drip 2 and 2.2 Black Pack
Pillow Talk Relationships: How to navigate complex and uncomfortable conversations
Real Talk About Inflammatory Bowel Disease: Crohn's disease and ulcerative colitis in the Black community
Prioritize Your Skincare With These Tips For Melanin-Rich Complexions
Burt’s Bees Skincare Works Harder, Not Harsher
My Husband And I Attempted To Have A Creative Date Night At Home -Without A Babysitter - Here's How It Went