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Break-ups are nasty business. Rarely are they amicable with both parties cutting ties as lovers but remaining friends. But when they are, they can be helpful and even insightful. Yet an issue may arise when the next great love of your life comes strolling in. Do you tell your new partner that you are still friends with an ex? I did a mini survey amongst my friends, and 9 out of 15 believed that that is information your new lover should not be privy. Reasons ranged from “keep the past in the past” to “every woman deserves to have a secret.” And although, I understand where their reasoning is stemming from, I just can’t co-sign it.

If you are friends with your ex — and I mean good friends (y’all kick it together from time to time), you need to let your new significant other know. Why? Cause to quote a tried and true saying: “honesty is the best policy.”

When you are in a relationship, it should be all or nothing. If your new partner is someone you are trying to build a foundation and life with, they are privy to such information. As we know, people talk. Rather they hear this bit of news from you, rather than your girlfriend who suffers from the I-talk-before-I-think disorder. And besides, what if the shoe was on the other foot? What if his close friend Charlene was his ex-lover and you never knew? Now, don’t go running to him demanding whether or not she is (finish reading this first), but I’m sure just the thought of it has you feeling uneasy.

Now, telling him is one thing, but how he will take it is another. Knowing how territorial most men can be and considering I don’t know your boo, I cannot tell you how he’ll take it. However, such a situation can help you two build your communication skills and trust levels with one another. Allowing yourself to be this honest (and some would say even vulnerable) is a stone you can use to solidify your foundation and belief in each other and yourselves as a union. His reaction to this news can also help you determine how important this new relationship is to you. If he becomes overtly jealous, or asks you to stop being friends with your ex, it may reveal to you who your new partner really is or whether or not he is worthy of losing an old friend over. Amicable break ups can be good for the messiness they prevent, but they can also lead to problems in the long run. I guess there really is no such thing as a good break up.

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