Obama: Americans Still Think He’s Muslim, Female, Obese…

August 19, 2010  |  

Another day, another report about the “mystery” behind President Obama.

A new Pew Research Center study released Thursday says one in five Americans believes—incorrectly—that Obama is Muslim. Headlines read “Obama’s Religion Still a Mystery For Some.”

Who are the “some” that still find Obama’s religion a mystery? Yes, I know that the sum of the “some” = one in five Americans, which equals 20 percent of the population, but seriously, I want to meet a real, live person who thinks that Obama refrains from pork and alcohol, and prays to Allah five times a day.

Saying Obama’s religion is mysterious is like saying that Apple computers are mysterious. Neither would be an object of mystery if the users simply paid attention to the makings of said object. Read the man, read the manual: wasn’t Obama’s Reverend Wright brouhaha enough of a clue to signal that he’d been attending the same church for two decades? Who are “they” that pick and choose their facts about Obama’s biography?

They must have wild imaginations. They’re somewhere in a room thinking: Obama is a secret Muslim who attended churches as a young man, all in preparation for the launch of his daring mission to take over the world, i.e. the United States [insert Dr. Evil laugh here].

Perhaps, imagination is exactly the problem.

Because Obama is so “different” from other presidents (though, let’s be real: they’ve still all been the same male, Ivy Leagued, members of the middle to upper class), it’s hard for that so-called 20 percent of Americans to refrain from projecting their imagination of him, unto him.

Their brains struggle to place him in a box, and their thoughts know not where to turn. So, they pick any exotic profile of Obama and stick with it…because no: he cannot have lived in a Muslim country, and be Christian at the same time.

He cannot be black and white at the same time. And, for some with the converse imagination, he cannot solely be male—he must be female too. (See Kathleen Parker’s ridiculous theory in her Washington Post column entitled: “Obama: Our first female president“).

Thus, there we have it, ladies and gentleman.

Obama is Muslim. And, he’s female. And, very soon, thanks to the First Lady’s obesity project, many will start believing the President is obese.


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