Blow His Mind (Part 1)

August 16, 2010  |  

“Girl On Top” is a weekly sex column on Madame Noire. Stay tuned for more topics, comment or write us at if you have suggestions!

This past weekend, I had the pleasure of attending a workshop at Babeland, an awesome “sex positive” shop in NYC.  Women of all ages filled the store to learn”The Art of the Perfect Blow Job” and the instructors didn’t disappoint!

Full disclosure: this is not an act that I was needing a lot of help with performing. As I mentioned recently, I consulted a book a couple of years ago that helped me TREMENDOUSLY in honing my head game. Between that, watching Adult Videos and (most importantly) taking the time to ask both my lovers and my friends questions…it all somehow came together for me. Nevertheless, I took the class in hopes of not only learning a little more for my own benefit, but in order to better service you lovely readers.

One of the instructors made a  salient point that speaks to the spirit of this column: “Giving great sex is very empowering.” Fellatio is not simply a favor; it is the opportunity to perform for your lover! To put on a show, to tantalize, to dominate even! Everyone’s end goals in the bedroom are different. One of mine is to feel like I put it down and performing a masterful blow job is a big part of that. I don’t feel used when I’m done, I feel like I’ve been showing off!  Is it my favorite thing to do in the bedroom? No, but I get a thrill from knowing I did a good job at it and seeing the effect I can have on a man.

  1. Dirty Talking: This is a great way of eliciting consent from your partner for the things you want to do.
  2. Use Your Hands: This is perhaps the most important thing to remember! A blow job is not all about the mouth…to do it well, you need to alternate hand action with mouth action. This also keeps both parts of your body from getting tired.
  3. Experiment, But Not TOO Much: Try new things and when you find what he likes, stick to them for a while and let him enjoy. Don’t try all 359 new tongue tricks you read about in one sitting. It’s overwhelming and ineffective. Too much switching up keeps you further and further away from the end goal…an orgasm.
  4. Be The Eye Candy: Much of the excitement from the blow job comes from what he is seeing…so give him something to look at! Make eye contact, look like you are enjoying your work…think about how enthusiastic the ladies look in Adult Videos. If you appear to be tired or bored, no matter how good what you are doing feels, your lack of enthusiasm takes a toll…and is probably prolonging the end goal, which is gonna make you even more tired or bored.
  5. Ask The Owner: While visual cues are important (i.e. if he looks happy, he probably is), it’s important that you communicate verbally as well. Keep your inquiries simple: “Do you like this?” “How does that feel?” “What do you want me to do now?”

More tips in my next column, ladies and gents! And if you have some specific questions about performing mind-blowing mouth jobs…please don’t hesitate to ask them below!

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