Codependency can be damaging to a relationship, leading to feelings of suffocation and dissatisfaction, even in what could otherwise be a healthy partnership. If you find it difficult to create space between you and your partner, it may be a sign of codependency. Here are some signs to help you recognize when you and your loved one might be too codependent on each other, and tips for setting healthier boundaries to create a more balanced and lasting relationship.
1. Being alone makes you anxious or uneasy.
Do you feel anxious or uneasy when your partner makes plans without you? Instead of using the time apart to enjoy personal activities—like reading that book you’ve been meaning to finish or catching up with friends—you find yourself obsessively checking your phone, waiting for their return. Or perhaps you can’t enjoy group activities unless your partner is with you.
In some cases, your partner may subtly or overtly discourage your independence, using guilt to pull you closer: “You want to hang out with them but not with me?” or “Oh, so you’re ditching me?” This might also manifest as consistently canceling plans with friends to spend more time with your partner. Over time, you may find that you’re neglecting other relationships or missing opportunities to nurture your social circle out of fear that being busy will take you away from your partner.
Clinical psychologist Coda Derrig, Ph.D., told Cleveland Clinic, that when we become increasingly enmeshed in our relationship, we’re no longer connecting with others outside of the relationship. Don’t let your relationship become all-consuming. In codependent dynamics, one person often ends up giving significantly more time, energy, and focus, while the other may unconsciously take advantage of this, prioritizing their needs over the balance of the relationship.
It’s important to create space between you and your partner. Maggie Dancel, a clinical psychologist at Hopefull Psychology in New York City, a healthy romance consists of independence allowing each partner to experience and nurture “their own life by spending time with friends or pursuing feel-good hobbies,” the health expert told SELF.
