In the latest Tales From TikTok, the spotlight is on Kehlani, who has embraced a joyful and energized life by decentering men.
In a video shared on June 29, the CRASH artist discussed her journey, having identified as bisexual for most of their life before publicly coming out as a lesbian almost four years ago. Reflecting on this transformation, Kehlani emphasized that prioritizing women and focusing on themselves in their spiritual, educational and community practices and spaces has allowed them to “elevate” their lives.
The singer humorously remarked that they would “thrive” if placed on a planet solely governed by women.
“Invite me,” the 29-year-old star quipped.
What is the practice of decentering men?
Decentering men involves intentionally moving away from positioning men as the central focus in attention, relationships and decision-making within social, cultural and academic contexts. This approach challenges the longstanding and systemic dominance of male perspectives, voices, and influence, offering women the opportunity to free themselves from the need for male validation and giving them the confidence to navigate and thrive under patriarchal norms.
In the comments section, fans of the two-time Grammy-nominated star agreed that decentering men has been the “secret sauce” to helping them level up.
“Decentering men I glowed up, healing journey, thriving business, friendships and have peace. We ride at dawn to planet woman,” wrote one fan.
Another user penned, “I feel this to my core! I just came out in May, and without even dating a woman, just cutting ties with men, I feel mentally and physically more healthy.”
More and more women are decentering men.
The practice has gained traction in online communities, particularly on platforms like YouTube. Influencers such as TrindingTopic and Jasmin Siri actively promote decentering men, highlighting its role in nurturing authentic, supportive relationships and empowering women to prioritize their career ambitions and personal well-being, which can help them attract the right partner.
In a video posted in October 2023, Siri revealed that she spent one year celibate, hoping to better herself and find the right partner.
Dr. Egypt Iredia, featured in Women Thrive magazine, discussed how adopting the mindset has enabled her to concentrate on her own goals and establish confidence and self-care instead of seeking approval from men.
“We’re cultured as women to give a damn about the opinions of men. It’s easy to lose ourselves in a patriarchal system founded on male domination and female subjugation,” she penned in her article published Feb. 14. “Male validation is just a baseless opinion of what men think of you. What is so special about that? Let’s face it: most men aren’t exactly Nobel prize winners or even that smart. So who cares what they think of us?”
Influencer Charlie’s Toolbox believes the practice can help women dismantle patriarchal views.
Advocates such as Charlie’s Toolbox emphasize that decentering men is a crucial strategy for dismantling patriarchy and addressing issues like intimate partner violence. In her 2021 video titled How To Decenter Men, Charlie encouraged women to empower themselves and cultivate love and happiness internally rather than relying on men for validation and fulfillment, as men have not always provided the safest space for women to thrive.
According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, approximately 1 in 4 women (24.3%) aged 18 and older in the U.S. have experienced severe physical violence from an intimate partner. Moreover, nearly 15% of women have suffered injuries from intimate partner violence, including instances of rape, physical violence and stalking. Charlie believes that decentering men will enable women to reclaim power, achieve financial and spiritual liberation and effectively combat these pressing issues.
This Tales From TikTok was informative! Have you decentered men in your life? What does that look like for you?
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