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A woman’s raw and unfiltered feelings about regretting motherhood has caused many online users to send her love.
The Rhode Island-based mother heartbreakingly explained that despite her love and adoration for her child, her struggles with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) weighed heavily on her experience as a mother.
She described having a child as “too fucking complicated” and said, “I wish somebody would have let people with BPD know that we really shouldn’t be moms.” The distraught parent expressed through her tears that feeling isolated throughout her motherhood journey was particularly devastating.
“Can I confess something? I love my kid but I hate being a mom. I f**king hate being a parent, I fu**ing hate it… I don’t wanna do it. Like I don’t want to be responsible for this tiny human. I just want to be responsible for myself and it’s too late now.”
“I didn’t know parenthood was going to be like this. I didn’t know I was going to be doing it by myself with no support system, no family, no anything. I didn’t know, and if I would’ve known, I would have never done it. I would have never been a mom.”
Fellow TikTok users fostered a non-judgment zone in the comments. Many sent the overwhelmed mother supportive messages and encouraging words.
“Being a mom is the most difficult job on the planet. The fact that you worried about it tells me you’re a good mama. Stay strong sis!”
“The realest thing I’ve ever heard, it’s alright one day at a time.”
“More want to admit this. It’s ok â¤ï¸teach others so they don’t follow the same steps.”
“As a childless woman by choice, I just want to send you light. Thank you for being vulnerable.”
“Don’t judge her!”
Several others related to the TikToker’s struggle with BPD and how the mental condition heavily impacted her motherhood journey.
“I feel this baby. Being a BPD mama with no family is the most isolating thing in the world. [I] have to Google every question I have.”
“As a woman with BPD, this is my exact fear…”
“I have BPD and I’m currently pregnant rn. This is why I’m firm on my decision, bc I am not ready. I’m sorry love 😞.”
“You are not alone love. It’s soooo hard. The hardest thing I’ve ever done. I also have BPD. Feel your feelings.”
In subsequent TikTok videos, the Rhode Island-based mother said that she recorded her moment of emotional turmoil during “an episode.”
She denied having postpartum depression and revealed that her child, a son, is eight years old.
“I wasn’t aware how much parenting — especially parenting alone — was going to affect my mental health,” she noted. “[But] I ain’t running away from nothing. I’m gonna cry, and imma figure it out always cause that’s what a mom do!”
In a post shared Aug. 2, she happily updated her followers from the airport. The mother of one gratefully shared that her mom offered to watch her son for three weeks.
She mentioned that it would be her first break with time for herself since giving birth.
A 2023 Psychology Today piece on how borderline mothers and narcissistic mothers compare shed light on how BPD can impact parenting.
Among other symptoms, the source claimed those with the latter condition may experience:
- Extreme emotions that they have difficulty dealing with appropriately
- Excessive fear of abandonment and/or fear of being engulfed by the emotional needs of the other person
- Low self-esteem and feeling unlovable
- Feeling inadequate to meet normal adult responsibilities
- Impulsive decision-making and poor planning
- Lack of whole object relations: This is the formal term for the inability to see oneself and other people in an integrated, realistic, and stable way. Instead, people are viewed as either all-bad or all-good.
The overarching struggle expressed regarding BPD motherhood was the overwhelming emotions and the mental disorder can have — especially when they negatively impact and disorganize everyday life and parenting. Still, BPD mothers’ strengths included their ability to be nurturing, spontaneous and empathetic nature with their children.
The National Education Alliance for Borderline Personality Disorder (NEABPD), Emotions Matter, and NewYork-Presbyterian Hospital all provide resources for those struggling with BPD.
RELATED CONTENT: “Having A Family Member With Borderline Personality Disorder”
