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Dear Ashley, a weekly sex column in which Sex Expert Ashley Cobb answers your most intimate questions. Nothing is off-limits! Have a sex question, Ashley “Your Favorite Friend In Filth” has an answer. For questions on sex email Ashley at ashley@sexwithashley.com
Dear Ashley,
I slept with a guy from work. We both decided it was best not to tell anyone and continue as if nothing happened. After a while I noticed he would intentionally ignore me when I would ask him something. I even asked once if he wanted to have sneak way during work to have sex and he declined, saying he was too tired and didn’t want to have sex at work. One day last week, I was sick so I called out. When I got back he didn’t even ask how I was feeling or if I was okay. I don’t want a relationship with him but now I feel like he just wanted to have sex with me once and that’s it. Is he playing a game or is he really not interested in me anymore?
Dear Ms Hit It And Quit It,
How can I put this nicely…he came, he saw, he conquered—now he’s moved on. And you should too. He only wanted sex. This is why you shouldn’t sh– where you eat. Once you cross certain boundaries with coworkers it creates a weird and uncomfortable working dynamic, especially when one of you wants more. He’s not playing games, he’s just uninterested. Men are quite simple. In the words of my friend Demetria Lucas, men who are interested act interested–he’s not interested. Prophetess Megan Thee Stallion said it best, “he already made his mind up before he came,” meaning in his mind, you were never going to be more than a one time experience; if it was earth shattering… maybe twice. But it was never going to a real thing.
As someone who embodies women’s sexual liberation and all that it stands for, I also want us to start being truthful with ourselves. We do ourselves a huge disservice when we aren’t. Having a one night stand with a coworker was not something you were emotionally prepared for. If you know that you are not equipped to handle a casual fling with a coworker that may or may not develop into anything past this one night—decline. Being sexually liberated is less about sleeping with who you want and more about living within your sexual truth and operating in sexual activities that serve your greater good. My advice from this day forth is to act like he doesn’t exist. He has now disappeared, poof…vanished into thin air. You don’t see,hear or mention him ever again. He’s now the coworker formerly known as ______. One thing my mama always told me, never let a man tell you that he doesn’t want you more than once. He wants to ignore you? Cool….ACT LIKE HE’S DEAD and move on with your life.
Ashley Cobb, is the millennial microphone that brings the conversation of Black women’s pleasure to the forefront. Creator of digital platform Sex With Ashley, her work and words have been featured in Cosmopolitan, Men’s Health, Shape Magazine, Business Insider and Huffington Post. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter via @sexwithashley
