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Dear Ashley, a weekly sex column in which Sex Expert Ashley Cobb answers your most intimate questions. Nothing is off-limits! From threesomes, anal sex,  finding the right sex toy and everything in between. Have a sex question, Ashley “Your Favorite Friend In Filth” has an answer. For questions on sex email Ashley at


Dear Ashley,

I need advice. I had sex with my friend’s ex. It wasn’t intentional and just sort of happened. My friend and her man had been having issues for a while. They were at this on again off again stage when I ran into him one night at an event, he started flirting with me. I reciprocated and felt a very strong connection.

Shortly after this, they officially broke things off, but my friend has had a lot of regret for ending things between them. Since their breakup, I’ve stayed in touch with the ex. We text and talk occasionally. Two weeks ago, he asked me over to his place for dinner. And then it happened.  I was trying to resist, but I lost all rational thinking.  Now, I don’t know what to do. Should I tell my friend?  I don’t want to lose our friendship over this. I don’t want to be some rebound hookup either? How can I fix this?


Dear Ms. Who Needs A Friend Like You, 

Alexa, play “Friend of Mine” by Kelly Price. It always amazes me how people want advice on how to fix some f—’ed up ish they willingly created. You can’t fix this, Sis.

You knew from day one that you were wrong. The question I have is, how long have you been secretly attracted to your friend’s man? This wasn’t some random out the blue attraction. You’ve had thoughts before you ran into dude at that event. You don’t randomly start flirting with your friend’s man or have this strong connection if a seed wasn’t already there. And another thing you just don’t “sorta” fall onto penis, Nah! That’s not how that works. Out of all the penis I’ve happened to find myself involved with none of it just sorta happened. Every situation, that was consensual was because I allowed and wanted it to happen. You gotta own that.

The way I see it you have one of two options. Option one, assuming you care about your friendship and I use the word “care” very loosely. You tell your friend the truth and pray she doesn’t knock your head in, which if I was a betting person, I put $50 on her trying to knock your head between the washer and the dryer. Your friendship will be ruined or at best never the same. You hope and pray that she forgives you and move on with your life.

Option two, you never tell her and act as if it never happened. However, here’s the flaw in that plan, you have to always be on guard. I’m willing to bet that friend and ex still probably communicate and since you said she still feels a way about the breakup– they probably will try to work things out. Also, because he doesn’t seem like a catch or a decent individual, I’m not too sure he won’t tell her. But then again, he’s a man so he probably won’t. I don’t believe you and him will ever be a real thing. He probably was lonely and you seemed available.  Yea, so the only real options here either tell or don’t tell. I do believe eventually she will find out and you will be back to option one.  I just hope the penis was amazing. It would be such a shame to go through all this and his sex was trash. Penis is almost NEVER worth losing a friendship.


Ashley Cobb, is the millennial microphone that brings the conversation of Black women’s pleasure to the forefront. Creator of digital platform Sex With Ashley, her work and words have been featured in Cosmopolitan, Men’s Health, Shape Magazine, Business Insider and Huffington Post. Follow her on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter via @sexwithashley


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