Source: PeopleImages / Getty
Dear Ashley is a weekly sex column in which Sex Expert Ashley Cobb answers your most intimate questions. Nothing is off-limits! From threesomes, anal sex, finding the right sex toy and everything in between. Have a sex question, Ashley “Your Favorite Friend In Filth” has an answer.
For questions on sex email Ashley at ashley@sexwithashley.com
Dear Ashley,
I am looking for a bit of advice about a new love interest. I’ve met a woman at work that I’ve fallen in love with. The only problem is I’ve lived my life as a homosexual man for 9 years and I haven’t been with a woman during this time.
I have been completely transparent about my past with her and although she had a lot of questions–which is totally understandable–she said she is okay with it as long as it’s not a part of our relationship. When I’m in relationships I’m 100% loyal so cheating is not an option for me nor is it something I’ve done in the past.
She and I have fooled a few times and to my surprise I enjoyed it, I didn’t enjoy my last heterosexual experience. She is African and hasn’t lived here long so her friends and family are not aware of our relationship. She also isn’t very experienced with dating or sex. So my question is what advice can you give me to help us navigate this new experience?
Hey,
First, congratulations on the new relationship. I also appreciate you being open and honest about your past, I would imagine it wasn’t easy. A lot of people are very closed-minded when it comes to sexual fluidity. People tend to think you are what you are and that shouldn’t or doesn’t change. There is nothing wrong with experiencing and loving a woman as a gay man, although I’m not sure if you would be still considered “gay.”
What matters is you being honest and finding someone who understands and accepts you as you are. I do have a question about something though. You said she was ok with your past as long as it wasn’t an a part of your relationship. My question is are you completely done with men? Like forever? I know you stated you’re not a cheater, but you enjoy same-gender loving experiences. Are you willing to totally remove them from your life forever if you guys work out?
You also said that she is originally from Africa and that her friends and family are not aware of your relationship, why is that? I do know in some African countries homosexuality isn’t widely accepted, could this be why she has been hesitant? Your past is no one’s business and she isn’t obligated to share that information with her friends and family, but have you guys discussed what would happen if they found out and were disapproving? Would she stand in her decision to date you or would she give in to the pressure of her family? The biggest piece of advice I have is to communicate and to communicate often. This is new territory for both of you and it is going to take a lot of communication to navigate it.
Focus on the present and not the past. Enjoy this new experience.
Your Favorite Friend In Filth,
Ashley Cobb
Ashley Cobb, is the millennial microphone that brings the conversation of Black women’s pleasure to the forefront. Creator of digital platform Sex With Ashley, her work and words have been featured in Cosmopolitan, Men’s Health, Shape Magazine, Business Insider and Huffington Post. Follow her on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter via @sexwithashley
