When you’re at odds with your partner, can you put your emotions aside in order to meet your sexual needs? Or do your desires take a backseat to your emotions?
This past weekend, the Black Love Summit, an extension and annual event of the popular OWN series Black Love, took place virtually. A number of couples, everyday and famous ones, took part in in-depth conversations about love, sex, how their relationships are impacted by social issues, money and more. The Black Love Summit was presented by BlackLove.com and supported by Neutrogena and Amazon Original Sylvie’s Love.
During the Keeping It Sexy discussion with couples from Season 4 of Black Love, Ray & Roslyn Singleton and Angel Laketa Moore & Marcus Tanksley, Roslyn talked about where she and husband Ray differed when it came to sex following a disagreement. She could be mad as hell and still want to have sex, but if he was upset, he couldn’t just turn that off to be intimate with his wife.
“In the very beginning of our relationship, when Ray would get upset with me, Ray would not want to do the nasty,” she said. “I didn’t understand because Roslyn is the girl that has always been able to separate my heart from my vagina. I hate to say it but I just can. My feelings don’t have anything to do when it comes to sex at certain times, especially when it comes to sex with my husband.”
“I had to really understand him as a person to be like, ‘Well, just because you’re upset and you still want to do the nasty, well when he’s upset he just doesn’t want to do the nasty and that’s just him,'” she added. “And I really had to grasp that like, ‘Why don’t he want to do it?!'”
For Ray’s part, he said, “If I’m not gelling with her at the moment, I’m not down with it.”
She admitted to him that when he doesn’t want to have sex with her due to hurt feelings, it sometimes makes her worry about him getting what he needs elsewhere. So they try to work through their problems quickly so that she never has to worry that that’s the case. But these days she can grasp, easier, why he shuts down sexually when angry.
“This man has his own way of processing when he’s upset,” she said. “And if he don’t wanna do the nasty, you just gotta not do the nasty.”
But for the record, she can always get in the mood.
“My brain can hate you but my vagina will always love you!” she joked.
Check out the discussion for yourself below: