Can Sex Really Be Casual? (‘Girl On Top’ Column)

July 26, 2010  |  

“Girl On Top” is a sex column on Madame Noire. Stay tuned for more topics, comment or write us at editors@madamenoire.com if you have suggestions!

I recently had an email exchange with a few fellow alumni over the concept of casual sex as it relates to women. One of the ladies found the whole concept to be abhorrent: “Why would you reduce yourself to being someone’s jump off? What does that even mean?”

Ladies, sleeping with a man who isn’t your boyfriend doesn’t make you a jump-off or a ho.  And if you’re a “jump-off,” then so is he. We need to get past this notion of women “giving it up” and men “getting some.. Sex should be something shared between two consenting adults who respect one another, regardless of wether or not there is love or commitment involved. You should NOT sleep with someone who doesn’t treat you well or who makes you feel used (and vice versa).

The last thing you want to do is sleep with someone you want a relationship with, when they don’t see things the same way. That cannot end well. When you are laid up under that warm body, glistening and reveling in post-coital bliss, you start to think about how good you’d be together…how he could have this all the time if he just realized how dope you are. How cute he is when he sleeps. Meanwhile, he’s already told you that he doesn’t want a girlfriend at the moment and you pretended that you were cool with that. Recipe for disaster.

The ideal casual sex partner is a friend whom you can enjoy a meal or a DVD with, but without any real romantic feelings. Perhaps you went out a couple of times and just didn’t have a love connection. Maybe you met him at a bar and the sexual attraction was booming, bumping…but that was about all. Perfect! Be kind, be reasonable about your expectations (if you two aren’t “boos,” then he may say no to some things that a boyfriend would be compelled or required to say yes to) and be clear in your communication. Don’t string along a guy who wants you to be posed next to him in Jet Magazine’s wedding section when the only sheets you want to see the two of you nestled between are cotton. And don’t think that you can screw a guy into realizing your awesomeness. And ONLY have protected sex in these instances. All sex is somewhat of a gamble, but the last thing you want to deal with is a pregnancy or health scare from your bed buddy.

Be good….or be good at it!

Sister Toldja

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