What happens when you tell your partner what you need and, although he tries, he doesn’t deliver? Are you appreciative of his effort, or are you unmoved by his lack of completion of your goal? Check out five ways to determine whether to acknowledge his effort or recognize it’s time to move on.
Explore Your Motive
Why is whatever you are asking of him important to you? As they say in math class, do you want him to show his work, or is providing the answer sufficient? There’s a difference between the result being significant versus the action behind the result being of most value. Let’s say you wanted flowers on your birthday and you found out your partner asked his assistant to pick out and order the flowers. Would this make a difference? Exploring your motive allows you to determine which holds more value for you, the gift or the giver.
What If The Shoe Were On The Other Foot?
Should you get credit for trying? Think about a time when you tried to do something special for your partner but discovered it wasn’t what he wanted. Were you misunderstood? If you’re in a healthy relationship, you never stop learning your partner and you allow space for growth in a nurturing way. What you discover from your partner’s disappointment can be the catalyst for exceeding their expectation next time.
Are You Clear On His Character?
Do you trust your partner? Do you believe that your partner wants the best for you? Intention reflects character. You will never fully know what your partner does or doesn’t sacrifice when you’re not around. Trust is a delicate thing. Whether you choose to give or withhold your trust, this should not determine his behavior. If your partner loves and respects you, then his actions will reflect that. Understand that his actions reflect his character more than they have anything to do with you.
Is There A Communication Issue?
No one is a mind reader and your partner might not recognize that you are suffering in silence. Have you verbally communicated what you need? Or are you at a point in your relationship where you’re tired of saying the same thing over and over again, so you refuse to tell him what he should already know? Miscommunication might happen now and then, but it may be of benefit to reevaluate expectations if it is a regular occurrence. Figure out whether your communication issues result from unclear delivery and low listening ability, or just a lack of effort. Communication will be key to strengthening the quality of your relationship moving forward.
Are Your Visions Aligned?
I think it’s fair to ask of your partner something he could also ask of you. If you’re aligned, why not carry the same requirements? That’s not to say that you both contribute to the goal equally; however, you both contribute uniquely. If you already bring the eggs, then he can get the bacon. If he’s bringing the coffee, then how about you bring the cream. What is the prize for doing the most if the goal is still not met? If your collective contributions align toward reaching your end goal, I encourage you to continue building. If not, you may want to consider investing your time elsewhere to better both of you.
Yemoja Louise is a Certified Professional Coach and Beauty Professional who is passionate about empowering clients to live out their dream life. Reach her at www.tdbdreamlife.com and @yemojalouise on Instagram.