Our Celebrity Columnist, Bilal, Teaches YOU How to Decode Men!

July 23, 2010  |  

Ok … So I was asked to write this column with the idea of giving you my opinion on love, relationships, spirituality and stuff like that.  Every week the beautiful ladies of Madame Noire send me a topic and I just say what I want and then they give it to you.  So here it is.

My topic for this week was:  “How to Decode A Brother When He’s Talking All That Jazz” …

So I kicked this one around a little bit and decided to just answer a few questions that my female friends are always asking.  What does it mean when he did this or what does it mean when said that?

1.  He says he’s going to call and doesn’t …

Now I really don’t understand why anyone would do this but I guess it’s just to be cordial. I’ve never really taken someone’s number and not called.  Men probably do it just to be nice or maybe it was a one-night stand and he wants to keep it cool.  But if you meet a guy and he takes your number and doesn’t call you, he’s JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU!

2.  He says “nothing” when you ask him what’s wrong …

If so, it’s because most guys don’t want to be in an exhaustive conversation about their feelings.  I’m not having a two- or three-hour long conversation about my feelings.  I’m not.

3.  He forgets your birthday …

Ohhhh … Don’t take it personal.  Guys forget a lot of Shyte.  It’s not personal though.  Women are a lot more emotional about remembering things.  I don’t remember Shyte … Sometimes I don’t remember my own mother’s birthday.

4.  He says he wants to take things slow

He either got a chick on the side or … HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU!  Ha!  Most guys want to take it slow because they’re not really ready to just be with you. They’re still in player mode.

5.  Do men ever outgrow player mode?

Yeah.

6.  All the way fully?

Look … You’re only good as your last hit.  It depends on the dude and it depends on the woman he meets.  Most dudes don’t want to cheat.  They just don’t’ find the right person that makes them not want to cheat.

7.  It’s been a month of dates and he hasn’t tried to get me in bed …

You’re either really intimidating or you’re just a turn-off.  Either way, you’re in the friend zone.  OR he’s one of those dudes that’s trying to turn you out. He’s trying to wait for you to go crazy and just attack him like “TAKE ME NOW!”  There’s always that cat that doesn’t like to make the first move and likes chicks to be on him.

8.  He doesn’t try to kiss you on the first date …

Well he could just be a gentleman or he has some more sneaky plans for you.  You can do a lot to a woman if you make her wait, because that’s her game.

9.  He says he’ll be home at midnight and comes home at 4am …

Smell his nuts.

10.  He says he’s not ready for commitment

Believe him. You have an honest one.  You should really try to create a friendship with him.

11.  He’s taking a weekend trip with the fellas …

Depends on his type of friends.  If they look like macks, then you already know.  If they look sweet, you already know.  If you you’ve never met his friends, it’s either really his girlfriend or he’s probably trying to distance himself from you … Sounds like game.

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Check out Bilal’s new album, “Airtight’s Revenge” on September 14th and holler at him on Twitter: @bilal_oliver

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