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During the early stages of a relationship, the characteristics of an insecure partner may look appealing. It’s flattering when your new love interest wants to spend every free moment with you and cares deeply about what you think of them. However, when reality sets in and the full picture of who you’re dealing with comes into focus, it can be a harsh reality check. Sustaining a relationship with a partner who has low self-esteem can be both physically and emotionally taxing. Often times, insecure people navigate through life with a level of emptiness, which they expect to be filled by a romantic partner. In reality, trying to fill the void that exists within an insecure person is like pouring into a cup that has a hole in the bottom of it because their constant need to be reassured will never be satiated. The secure partner is often left feeling depleted as a result. Here are four struggles that people with insecure partners know all too well:

They’re clingy

When a partner suffers from low self-esteem, they have a tendency to be clingy and needy. This can be frustrating because when left unchecked, this clinginess can become a hindrance to the secure partner’s career and overall social life. It can also create a dynamic that leaves the secure partner feeling suffocated. Though the clinger seeks to keep their partner close to them, in reality, it pushes them further away. Additionally, the clinginess prohibits the insecure partner from having their own life.

They need constant validation

Insecure people seek validation from their partners often. For some, they need to be reassured about their appearance. For others, they need frequent reminders about their partner’s commitment to them. While it’s easy to play into this need at first, it eventually becomes emotionally draining and can serve as a tremendous source of frustration for the secure partner.

They test you

As previously stated, insecure people require constant reassurance. And sometimes in order to get it, they will test their partners in a variety of ways. Sometimes, this can look like the insecure partner baiting the secure partner with a fake potential love interest to see if they will cheat. Other times, it can look like the insecure partner setting the secure partner up in a scenario to see if they will speak poorly about them behind their backs. All of the time, the tests are petty and tiring. The obvious goal is to get their partner to prove their love over and over. However, it can be especially tiring and emotionally draining to have to continuously jump through the same hoops.

They’re possessive and jealous

Insecure people are often possessive and jealous. They may see the platonic relationships of their partners as a threat, which causes them to act out. They may be unreasonable and target their partner’s coworkers and friends in a jealous rage. Sometimes, these episodes happen in public, which can be especially embarrassing for the secure partner. Additionally, they may become controlling and demand to be constantly updated on the whereabouts of the secure partner, further adding to the suffocation.

Contrary to what you may have learned over the years, there is nothing you can do to fix your partner’s insecurities or make them go away. Yes, there are certain behaviors that, universally, make people feel more secure in their relationship, but any deep-seeded insecurities that your partner came into your union with will remain there until he or she decides to do the self-work required to eliminate them.

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