One of the most interesting things about any iconic moment is learning that it almost didn’t come to pass.
Over the weekend most of us scrolled with happy envy, watching all of the Black excellence that exuded from Diddy’s 50th birthday celebration in Los Angeles.
“It was probably one of the most authentic nights of love that I ever experienced. I’m blessed,” Diddy shared in an exclusive with PEOPLE Magazine.
But the music mogul also shared that he cancelled his party twice due to grieving the one-year-anniversary of Kim Porter’s death.
“I canceled the party two times because I just couldn’t see myself partying for my 50th birthday without her,” he continued. Porter died from complications relating to pneumonia on November 15, 2018, at the age of 47, just weeks shy of her 48th birthday.
The two shared 10 years together before breaking up in 2007. Over their relationship, they had three children, Christian, 21 and twins D’Lila Star and Jesse James, who recently turned 13. Diddy adopted Porter’s oldest son Quincy, and also has two children from previous relationships, Justin, 26, and Chance, 13.
Diddy’s actual birthday was November 4 and he opted for a quiet dinner with close ones. And for a while he thought that would be the appropriate celebration.
“I wasn’t feeling it,” he told PEOPLE. “I didn’t want to be fake. I wanted to be at a point of strength.”
But as Porter’s birthday weekend drew nearer, he knew that he wanted to honor her memory with joy and laughter, and planned a lavish bash with his friends to celebrate.
“I thought, ‘I can have a party with Kim and we can party together,’” said Diddy. According to PEOPLE, 600 guests arrived to celebrate. “It worked out beautifully,” he said.
On Porter’s birthday Diddy shared a heartwarming message and rededicated his heart to eternally loving her.
“Words can’t explain how much we miss you but today is your birthday. We’re celebrating you today! We love and we miss you!!!!!” he wrote.