While Kandi Burruss is presently basking in the joy of having a new baby at home in her newborn daughter Blaze, there was a time where she felt some shame about the methods she was taking to bring the child into the world.
The 43-year-old Real Housewives of Atlanta star shared a YouTube video where she introduced her fans to her surrogate, Shadina Blunt, and opened up about what it was like having someone else carry her child and the judgment that came from some, including a close family member, over her decision.
“There was a moment where I definitely felt guilty,” she said. “I got a little teary eyed because there was a family member of mine, they just kind of text me when they first found out I was thinking about a surrogate and they were like, ‘I mean…why you wanna have a surrogate? Don’t you wanna just carry the baby by yourself?’ It was on text message. I replied and was like, ‘Well, I would if I could but obviously I had issues with delivering in my last pregnancy.’ They were like, ‘Don’t you want to be able to bond with your baby?’ They said some other stuff like, ‘Why wouldn’t you just get one of your family members to help you?’ It was just a lot and I was just like, okay, family member [laughs]. She really hurt my feelings.”
“I don’t think she meant to hurt my feelings at the time,” she said. “I love her to death, so I don’t think she purposely was trying to hurt my feelings, but you gotta understand, there are so many people who just have issues with the whole idea of surrogacy. You have people like that who automatically have their thoughts on surrogacy and they look negatively towards it.”
Thankfully, Burruss didn’t let the biting questions of her relative sway her choice.
“I have no regrets on the decision that we made,” she said. “It actually turned out to be a great thing for us. We got a new friend, too!”
Blunt noted that a lot of the negativity comes from a lack of understanding. It is true that there are plenty of people who assume surrogacy is about taking the easy route and vanity, as opposed to the actual need for help to carry a child. This is especially a common thought because having a child through a surrogate has become a practice for the Hollywood elite as of late, including Gabrielle Union and Kim Kardashian West. However, Burruss was open last year about her efforts to conceive on her own and how things weren’t going as planned.
“Unfortunately, it’s not happening,” she said in a chat with ESSENCE. “So obviously we’re just going to be talking about what that means for our family.”
“You know how we all just think it’s easy? You’re going to get pregnant whenever you feel like it? For years and years, I was on birth control [and I] didn’t even know that I didn’t need it any more,” she added.
That is why she took the route of using the embryos she had left from doing IVF to conceive son, Ace. Though she wouldn’t be able to carry the pregnancy, Blunt was recommended by Dr. Jackie Walters to Burruss to make it happen. She got past the guilt and now she has the baby girl she’s wanted.
“It’s about being patient and knowing what’s for you is for you, and pray about it, and look at all your options and whatever you can try to make happen, make it happen if you can,” she said to ESSENCE. “Don’t feel like you’re any less of a woman.”
Check out Burruss’s comments around the 19:14 mark below: