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Since having a baby earlier this year, I think about divorce more often than I ever did before I became a parent. I don’t think about it in the sense that I have plans for my marriage to end, but I sometimes ponder what our family dynamic would look like in the unfortunate event that it did. Now that children are involved, the stakes are much higher. We no longer have the luxury of being able to sign divorce papers and move on with no strings attached like we once did. Sometimes, when the thought crosses my mind, I tell myself that not much would change outside of our living arrangements. I tell myself that we would be great friends. We’d have dinner together as a family. We would continue to share great advice and bank accounts. We would go to church together, spend holidays as a family and go on dates. And then, I stop myself. If we could do all of that, there would probably be no need for divorce in the first place.
I say all of that to say that I’ve never been through a divorce before. I have no idea what it feels like to make plans to be with someone forever only to have to turn around and readjust those plans. However, I imagine that there’s a part of you that still wants to be tied to that person for the rest of your life. Marriage tends to do that to you. Somehow those vows and everything that comes after causes partners to elevate beyond a bond that is merely romantic in nature and transitions them into one that feels more familial. And family bonds are hard to break.
I imagine that this is part of what Niecy Nash is going through right now. Over the past eight-plus years, she has formed this bond with soon-to-be-ex-husband, Jay Tucker. Now the marriage is over, but some aspects of that bond remain and it’s difficult to figure out how to reconcile those instincts and feelings with the present reality of their relationship.
Back in October, the “Reno 911″ actress revealed that the two had parted ways, but explained that love and friendship is still there.
“We believe in the beauty of truth. Always have,” Nash wrote in an Instagram post. “Our truth is that in this season of our lives, we are better friends than partners in marriage. Our union was such a gorgeous ride. And as we go our separate ways now, we feel fortunate for the love we share — present tense.”
She later disclosed that she’s taking time to heal and has no interest in dating anytime soon. In the same breath, she shared that should Tucker decide that he’s ready, she’s interested in screening his love interests because she has to be sure that he’s being taken care of properly.
“I would love to interview any girl who’s gonna be on his block,” the “Claws” actress shared in an interview with Entertainment Tonight. “I gotta make sure he’s taken care of.”
Similar to many of you, my reaction was “Niecy is doing the damn most.” However, when I stepped back for a moment and tried to put myself in her shoes, I was able to empathize. After being in a marriage for a few years, your natural instinct is to take care of and protect your spouse. Just as your love for that other person won’t instantly die when you file for divorce, those instincts likely don’t die either.
It’s probably a little unhealthy for Niecy to really be out here trying to screen her ex-husband’s new girlfriends. However, let’s also be mindful of the fact that this is all still new for her. As wild as her comments may come off, we should give her the time and space to grieve her marriage in the best way she knows how. And hopefully, once she’s healed, she’ll have little interest in evaluating her ex-husband’s new girlfriends anyway.
Follow Jazmine on Twitter @jazminedenise
