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Dating millennials

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We tout chemistry as one of the most important factors in determining relationship potential. We disregard relationships that don’t instantly have that “spark,” and stay in partnerships with folks who we aren’t compatible with because the “chemistry is so crazy.” Well, chemistry is not enough. And a lasting union depends on synchronicity in a lot of other areas that are beyond “good vibes.”

“Chemistry is that delicious feeling we have when we are aware, in mind and body, that we are significantly attracted to someone,” LA-based couples therapist Dr. Gary Brown told Elite Daily.

“It’s when the dopamine receptors in the brain get activated that we feel this so-called ‘chemistry.’ That’s why we call dopamine the love hormone.

It’s also a feeling that can build over time.

“Sometimes there is very little, if any chemistry when we first meet someone, and then, slowly, one or both people begin to develop chemistry,” Dr. Brown explained.

Now, it doesn’t mean that every couple is going to have intense chemistry, the levels of it will depend on the two people and how they bond with one another.

“I think that every relationship requires chemistry,” dating and relationship writer Demetrius Figueroa said. 

“That said, it truly all depends on the people in the relationship, and how important chemistry is to them. If a relationship is built on mutual admiration, appreciation, and compatibility, it’s entirely possible that chemistry is not a big factor. The inverse can often be true, where a relationship is built primarily on chemistry, with compatibility being an almost non-factor.”

It’s important to look at the entire scope of your relationship with someone versus betting your longterm potential on “chemistry.”

“Compatibility is all the things you have in common, whether they’re your interests, views on life, goals, etc. that are critical for you to have in a partner,” explains Figueroa. “Think of compatibility as the logical side of attraction, and chemistry as the emotional side of attraction.”


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