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Okay, so you’ve made your way through the forest of first date nerves, and you’re all prepped to show potential new boo you’re interested–it’s time to start flirting! Sure, being attentive and asking questions is one way to give your crush clues that you’re into the date, but flirting pretty much seals the deal.
“Flirting is an invitation to connect and an expression of interest,” Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., licensed psychotherapist and author of Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences, told Elite Daily. “A sense of humor, wittiness, and clever conversation are the essence of flirting. It’s a way to connect and let someone know you’re interested without saying it out loud.”
And don’t think you have to be extra about it either.
Dr. Joshua Klapow, clinical psychologist and host of the Kurre and Klapow Show, explains a little bit goes a long way.
“You shouldn’t have to over-flirt to grab the attention of someone you like,” he says. “If you flirt in small amounts and in an authentic manner, it is much more effective.”
It’s okay to test the waters at first. Start by giving your love interest a little more touch and see how they react.
“Use your tennis game approach,” Dr. Tessina said.
“If they brush your knee with their knee, try returning the action or touching your foot to their foot. If it happens again, try leaving your knee touching theirs and see if they pull away. If they do, then follow their lead and pull back slightly.”
And if you aren’t comfortable with touch, words can go a long way.
“Flirt with your words of kindness [or humor],” Dr Kaplow advises. “Flirting doesn’t have to be sexual in nature. Being kind, being polite, being engaged in conversation — these are all ways of flirting. As soon as you cross over to overt physical compliments, and stronger words, you run the risk of coming on too strong.”
And leaning in to listen while asking follow up questions can be sexy in and of itself.
“Listen carefully to what your date says and respond by contributing something from your own experience or awareness,” says Dr. Tessina. “You can toss the conversational ball back to your date with a question like, ‘What do you think?’ or, ‘Have you ever had that happen?'”
