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31 days of sensuality day 17

Photography by: @mrwilliamellis  / @mrwilliamellis

The saying that, “ small things come in big packages” has nothing on the clitoris ( affectionately called the CLIT). In case you needed help finding it, the CLIT is the tiny little button that sits at the top of the vulva. Don’t let its small size fool you, this little nub is deep and expansive, extending all the way down into the mouth of the vagina. The clitoris  is 4 inches deep in length and has over 8,000 blissfully sensitive nerve endings – resulting in double the sensations than you would find in the glands of the penis. The CLIT’s sole purpose is to bring women pleasure – not reproduction! However, because of sexism, misogyny and good old mis-education most people lack awareness of the clitoris and it’s capacity for stimulating  female orgasms. 

In our society, female pleasure is underrepresented. We are taught to focus on the male genitalia and his sexual pleasure is the focal point of sex. Here’s a fun fact – if a woman is connected to her pleasure and orgasms, she will bring a better experience to her partner. For instance- Have you ever had sex with a woman who wasn’t into it and kinda laid there? Compare her to a woman who felt everything during sex and loved being in her body.  See? Big difference! It’s time that both men and women learn that this pea sized beauty can open up an expansive pleasure playground for women. Ladies and gentlemen, it’s time that we re-learn and reclaim female pleasure through sexual health – and you can do this through orgasmic mediation or OM.

Here’s a gentle reminder about sensuality: Sensuality simply means being in touch with your sensations. And, if you’re willing to feel sensation ( which is what OM is about)- then you are a sensual being.

I decided to give OM a try because I am no stranger to blocking myself from my own pleasure – whether it be overthinking during sex or simply not allowing myself to truly feel joy when something good happens.  This is what you call sensory deprivation, and the buck stops here! I met with Janira Martinez, a Health & Desire Life Coach who trained me on OM. 

Photography by William Ellis

Photography by William Ellis @mrwilliamellis

 

OM is short for Orgasmic Meditation, this is  a 15 minute partner practice that allows women to experience clitoral stimulation with the intention of receiving/ feeling pleasure ONLY. According to One Taste ( the leaders in the OM Movement) this is a unique wellness practice that combines mindfulness with the power of the deeply human, deeply felt orgasm. Janira has been practicing OM and teaching OM for a few years, helping both men and women discover the power of the almighty clit, releasing blockages and melting into pleasure without shame and reciprocity. I also want to highlight that the “pleasure politics”,  misogynoir and policing of black and brown women in sensual / sexual spaces is degrading – so I intentionally found OM coach who was a woman of color because #Diversity.

So how does OM work? Well, first both people have to consent to OM by asking, “ Would you like to OM?” In OM, the stroker ( usually a male or masculine energy person) strokes the clitoris of the strokee ( the woman)  in a rhythmic up and down pattern while being fully clothed, wearing latex gloves and using lube. The Strokee opens her legs butterfly style and enjoys receiving her pleasure- guiding the stroker on where to place his hands and how much pressure to put on her clit.  There is no kissing, rubbing, breast play, hugging or interaction with the vaginal opening during OM. And after OM there is no sex or reciprocity to perform the same act on the man. Ladies, that’s right, OM is about surrendering to your orgasm! 

31 days of sensuality day 17

Photo of an OM Nest Photography by William Ellis @mrwilliamellis

At first, I was nervous. Which is weird because i’m pretty sexual being. I’m used to being pleasured then having sex right after. I realized that I was feeling vulnerable and uncomfortable at the thought of taking up space in simply receiving my orgasm- all of it -without having to give anything back. I clearly had some things to release!  About 5 minutes into OM’ing I began to breathe through it. I slowed down to feel everything that was coming up for me, and It felt so damn good! I laughed, I cried, I came! My mind exploded with delicious thoughts, I prayed and released a lot of unproductive mental blocks and feelings. I felt every goose bump, I took all the deep breaths and I let the electricity in this feeling rushed through every fiber of my being. After the 15 minutes ended, I felt 10 feet tall. My skin was dewy, and I wore the biggest smile for the rest of the day. 

Before you think you can just do OM right now – you can’t. You have to be trained by a Certified OM Coach. You also need to take heed to the  following-:

  1. OM is about communication and consent. Before the man makes any move on your body, he must ask then wait for you to say yes. And you communicate what you want him to do. 
  2. There is no commerce involved in OM. This is not a transactional experience. Both people come to receive pleasure. The stroker receives pleasure because they want to please the strokee. The strokee receives her pleasure with no goal in mind- but to feel. 
  3. Set up a Nest. You don’t OM on the bed or the couch because you are not having sex and this isn’t four play. The Nest is like your ritual space,  where you practice OM. The things you to experience OM comprises of the following: 
  • 1 yoga mat
  • A small blanket to cover the mat
  • Several Pillows (at least 3 – 1 for your head and 1 for under each knee but if your hips are tight you might need extra ones)
  • A meditation cushion for the stroker to sit on (a pillow definitely will not be good enough for him to sit on)
  • A small washcloth
  • Latex gloves
  • Lube (ideally Egyptian Magic)

Watch this video about Orgasmic Meditation for more information. 

I’m sure you’re wondering how do you bring OM to your everyday life? First, you give yourself agency to feel good and safe in your own body and mind. You learn to ask for what you want – in OM the woman tells the man where to touch her clitoris without hesitation. I had no problem telling my partner, “ move a little to the left, a little to the right. Ok, right there. Rock out right there my guy! “  I’m for sure bringing this into my everyday interactions so I can be comfortable in asking for what I want. OM gives you personal power and responsibility for your ‘Yes” and your “no” and a stronger sense of intuition. And for men, OM allows them to get up close and personal with your vulva- let him marvel at all of it’s beauty! 

Ladies, no matter your age, religion, demographic and size your pleasure is yours! Also, your pleasure isn’t dictated by someone else.  If you are deeply in touch with your body and you know how to communicate your desires, you will have the best sexual and non sexual experiences in this lifetime.

Ma’am- there is a whole world inside of you, express it!  OM and OWN it. Schedule your OM Session with Janira at www.janiramartinez.com  and follower her on Instagram  @Janira_martinez. 

 

Love, 

Empress

 

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