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We often make fun of couples who finish each other’s sentences and operate with one brain, but according to research, this is a sure sign of a healthy relationship. The “two become one” phenomenon is real, especially for couples in long term relationships.
Courtney Walsh, a human development and family sciences grad student, researched how individual personalities merge into one identity and published her findings in the journal of Self And Identity, Daily Texan Online reports.
“Each individual has a personal identity and an understanding of who they are,” Walsh said. “When individuals enter into relationships and become increasingly committed, they develop an identity as a couple, and we were interested in what that identity might look like.”
In the process of sharing life, partners were observed sharing and adopting new characteristics that they didn’t have prior to the relationship.
The study tracked couples from 6 months into their marriage into the three year mark. One positive result of the merging is healthier conflict resolution.
“We found that partners that felt more fused responded to conflict in a more constructive, pro-relationship way”, said Walsh.
On the downside, if one partner’s personality is overbearing, the partner who feels “eclipsed” could end up being insecure within the connection. Lisa Neff, associate professor of human development and family sciences and co-author of the study, cautioned against someone feeling “overshadowed” in their relationship.
“For instance, when people feel eclipsed, they tend to feel less secure in the relationship,” Neff said. “As a result, they tend to be very hypervigilant for their partner’s negative behaviors — almost like they are always scanning their relationship for any signs of problems.”
So even within this blending of minds, autonomy or equal contribution is still important for both partners.
“A sense of equality in a relationship, with both individuals making decisions, plays an important role in people feeling confident and secure within a relationship,” said Walsh.
