All Articles Tagged "trust"
I hate writing this. I’ve been dating a really great dude for about five months. We met online and we were feeling each other from day one. He’s Idris Elba fine, real smart, tall, funny, good job and no kids. This brings me to the problem.
Have you ever heard of a micropen*s? First he said he wanted to wait until we were sure about each other to have sex and I thought that just went with his thoughtful personality.. Then after four months he confessed that he had condition called “micropen*s”. And if I had a problem with it I could bounce and he’d understand. Basically, he said he was really, really, really tiny. I’ve experienced different sizes so I told him that I didn’t care.
We finally got naked and OMG. I was thinking a regular small pen*s but NO. Apparently a micropen*s is in a class by itself. Google it. A micropen*s is practically no pen*s and unfortunately he can’t enter me or anybody else. Yup. We can’t have sex.
Now I don’t know what to do. It was like being in Middle School. We can do everything else sexually speaking except intercourse. I’m sorry but sex is important to me and I never dreamed that I would ever look forward to a life without sex.
Should I cut and run or am I being shallow?
Read Abiola’s response at Essence.com
There is something universally inspiring about the Olympics: It brings us together as a country to cheer for our team, and as a world community to celebrate our best athletes. We celebrate those who step onto the podium and our hearts break with those who don’t.
Our own lives mimic the events played out in Sochi. Whether it’s pulling together at work, celebrating when we achieve our goal or feeling the agony of a lost love, we are living the Olympic experience every day. All too often, though, we focus on what went wrong and we forget what went right. All too often, we beat ourselves up for “just” receiving a bronze medal — when that’s really something to cheer about.
When was the last time you celebrated feeling good when you crawled out of bed in the morning? Have you given thanks for having a job or finishing a task you’d been dreading? We view these everyday activities as part of life and not worthy of our time or attention; instead we wait around for the big promotion, the grand love or the acquisition of the big symbol as proof of our value. In the meantime we feel less than our best and happiness seems to elude us.
As I’ve watched the Olympics this week I gained monumental inspiration from watching the athletes … not in their performances (which are, of course, amazing) but in their attitude about their performance. It is through these role models we can learn to raise our spirits right now regardless of our results.
Read more about living your best life at YourTango.com
From Single Black Male
I had to learn the hard way that every date is not a date. How so, you may ask. If it looks like a date, talks like a date, and the man pays like it’s a date…then one would likely look to call it a date. Right?
I met him at an industry event and immediately thought that he was great eye candy. This girl is not good at being the aggressor so when I found myself standing next to my instant crush and he began to engage me in small talk, I was pleasantly surprised. Offering a little flirtatious vibe, I felt that my job was done. I had sealed the deal. However, he didn’t ask for my number, nor my email address, and forget the most generic of them all, my business card. Nothing.
I wasn’t disappointed though. I simply took the exchange for what it was: two people chatting at a great event. No harm in that. By the time I got to my apartment and kicked my heels off of my throbbing feet, he was a distant memory. To my knowledge we didn’t have any mutual friends so I thought that I would never see him again.
Read more about this author’s date at SingleBlackMale.org
We’re always telling you about the power of love. From how love affects you mentally to how it improves you physically. There’s really no doubt about it — love can transform you.
Lower rates of cancer, stronger hearts, less stress — the proven benefits of having a happy, healthy relationship are endless. So why doesn’t everyone have a happy relationship? Of course it’s easier said than done but there are so many benefits that come from improving your relationship.
Our friends at Happify, an app that helps you lead a happier life through scientifically-designed activities and games, reminded us what it really means to be in a happy romantic relationship. Just in time for Valentine’s Day, they put together an amazing infographic filled with the secrets behind the happiest couples. One you probably never knew? A happy marriage is worth $105,000 compared to being single.
From the things happy couples say to each other to how old their kids are, we now know so much more about what makes a happy relationship.
Take a look at some surprising ones and then see the infographic below.
1. Happy Couples Have Five Positive Interactions For Every Negative One
Don’t keep a score board but after a disagreement make a bigger effort to do something positive. Whether it’s reminding your partner why you love him or surprising her with breakfast in bed, adding in more positive actions can make a difference — and strengthen your relationship.
Read more about relationships at YourTango.com
So, it didn’t work out — you guys broke up, and it sucks. It really sucks. But you know what makes it worse? Doing things that you know you shouldn’t be doing, because they’re only prolonging your misery.
In our recent Break Up With Your Ex survey, we found out that 64 percent of respondents are still obsessed with a past relationship, but 86 percent agree they’d be better off making a clean break from their exes. And we’re here to help you do just that.
So get off your ex’s Facebook page (we’ll get to the defriending later), tune in and move on!
1. Jumping Into The Sack
Sleeping with someone new tonight will totally renew your diminished sense of self-worth and independence, right?! Wrong. Having sex tonight will absolutely not do either of those things. Chances are, you’ll wake up with a post-coital hangover and regret everything about your little revenge romp. Don’t get me wrong; hooking up with someone new is a completely integral part of the post-breakup process … in due time. If your mind is made up, go ahead and make out with someone, but keep your clothes on until you can make a more rational decision. I apply a similar strategy when it comes to online shopping. If I still want it in a week, I break out the plastic. Until then, I pump the breaks.
2. Social Media-Stalking
You knew this one was coming — so cut it out! The stalking needs to STOP. Oh, you don’t want to go ahead and press “unfriend” because then you’ll look like you “actually care?” Please. Are you a robot? Of course you care. Doing it today is better than doing it next week, when you can stalk to see if he or she has any new pictures, or status updates, or instagrams, or tweets, or vines. That’s right, we’re talking a cold-turkey social media separation here.
Read more on the breakup process at YourTango.com
In part one: How A Man Can Avoid The Friend-Zone, I explained the upper hand a man could get by not being thirsty or in other words by being hard to impress. As I’ve stated in the past, women view a thirsty man in the same way that men view gold diggers.
On the flip side, women view a man that is hard to impress in the same way that a man would view a woman that is discriminating, loyal, carries herself well, and has respect for herself.
Typically when a woman is on the “prowl,” we play up our best attributes. We have our hair laid nicely, lipstick nicely accentuating the lips, and the outfit complementing the curves. Usually after pulling these old tricks out of the arsenal, we expect and are quite used to men just sopping it all up very quickly and predictably. Women pretty much know precisely how to look and what to highlight in order to get a certain reaction out of men and many men just gobble it up in a predictable way. We expect men to:
1) Initiate eye contact with us if they like what they see. We respond by
2) reciprocating that eye contact and sustaining it so that they know the feeling is mutual.
At this point, we pretty much know that you’re going to make your way over to us very shortly after that. And when you do, we, admittedly, may kind of start feeling ourselves a little bit.
When we make that eye contact with you giving you the reassurance to proceed, we kind of get a power trip. We feel desired. We feel in control. We get an ego boost. We’ve captured you.
So if after we capture you, you refuse to be captured right away and don’t follow the time line we have in our heads, it kind of blows our minds. It challenges our seduction skills. It makes you more elusive and therefore that much more desirable. After all, the most valuable things on earth aren’t easily accessible. They are harder to attain, and therefore makes us want them that much more.
(Important note: This technique only applies during the very early stages. This does NOT apply if you are seeing someone on the regular. This only applies shortly before you meet a woman and in the early stages when you are interacting with her sporadically. If you go too far with this technique and carry it on for too long, you could lose a good woman. It is all about balance.)
When we encounter a man that doesn’t fall for us -or anyone – so easily in the early stages, but is unusually hard to impress, it makes us feel like we have to step our games up. It’s a mind-Fawk. It makes us more intrigued by you than we’d probably normally be. A man being hard to impress brings a competitive side out of women (Bonus: feeling competitive is another common cause for a spike in adrenaline). We’re asking ourselves “Did this dude seriously just pass all of this goodness up? He must be working with something special that I wasn’t readily aware of upon first seeing him.” It creates s sense of suspense, spikes adrenaline, and subconsciously makes us want to impress you more.
Now, I know this is controversial and people will call this playing games but this is simply the way both men and women are built. We just don’t appreciate things that come too easily. We take their value for granted. This applies in the dating game and in other instances as well.
Read more on dating at SingleBlackMale.org
If someone instructed you to, “Go over there and flirt with that guy,” you’d inherently know what to do. You’d communicate, through a series of body language signals both conscious and subconscious, that you’re interested and open to his advances. Cues, like a beaming smile, a casual hair flip, a coy lean forward when he speaks and an empathetic cocking of your head would send the crystal-clear message that you want him.
What you may not realize is that every other time you see each other, from the first date to thebreakup coffee (or the honeymoon, depending on how things go), you’ll be using these same nonverbal cues to continually communicate with each other—and with anyone else you date.
Learning to recognize a guy’s body language cues sooner rather than later can be one of the most important skills in your dating arsenal. On a good date, you’ll have surefire proof he’s into you, and on a less-than-great date, you’ll be saved from potential embarrassment (he’s clearly bored by your “that time I got drunk with my boss” story)—or even clued into the fact that he’s not worth a second drink (he barely makes eye contact, staring at everyone else in the room). Instinctively, you know that a guy’s facial expressions, gestures, and mannerisms are windows into his mind and emotional state. But deciphering all these cues can be daunting—or downright maddening. You’re already at a disadvantage. Studies have shown that you’re not as good at reading expressions as you think you are—not to mention that the culture you grew up in can influence the way you read expressions. Every person has his or her own set of body clues, and putting them together can be a lot like solving a jigsaw puzzle.
Read more about body language at YourTango.com
I am a young educated woman who sometimes struggles on the dating scene. I have only had one major relationship in the past and it wasn’t the best. My ex was abusive and he cheated and lied a lot. I was so naive, I believed him and accepted him back into my life. I finally got to a point where I was completely done with that and ready to casually date.
My casual dating led me to meet this extremely handsome guy. Let’s say his name was Tee. Tee and I dated for about five months. He really was a good guy until we became sexually active. The sex was amazing but he treated me worse than my ex.
We would see each other out at sporting events or parties, and he wouldn’t acknowledge my presence while in public. I felt belittled by his lack of acknowledgement outside of the bedroom. Unfortunately, Tee and I continued to have casual, drive -by- sex for years.
It wasn’t until I found out that Tee had a girlfriend and a baby on the way that I decided to completely call it off. I was heartbroken all over again. I’m so young and I don’t want these early experiences with men to continue to deter me from jumping out there and dating again. I need help, Dr. Sherry.
Lonely In Atlanta
Read Dr. Sherry’s response at Essence.com
Dating Kevin was one of the most eye-opening experiences I’ve ever had. He was the one that hated my vices and I was faced with a decision to make a life change or go back to being single. I chose single life, but it wasn’t the vices that broke us up–well, sort of.
During the time that I dated Kevin, he’d lost the job he held for over eight years. He was feeling very down on himself and I think because I am a career-minded woman, he was always bothered by any and everything that had to do with my career. Kevin was no longer a working man, his only job was to worry about what I was doing and he did that very well. At first, I took his attention as devotion to me and getting to know me was high on his priority list. As a person in the media, my job is neverending, so there would be times, while we were on a date, or chilling at my apartment, that I would have to pick up my phone, address an email or worse, write a quick story. When we first started dating, Kevin was so enthralled with my demanding career, he even helped me write an op-ed. But that thrill was short-lived.
One busy Tuesday at work, I watched my phone buzz and light up with Kevin’s name and I made a promise that I would respond quickly, but after four hours, another call came through and I slapped my palm to my face. “Hello,” I picked up, trying my best not to sound irritated because I was swamped.
“Hey babe. How’s your day? You saw my message and call?” Kevin said with a bit of desperation in his voice.
“Yes sweetheart, just swamped today, but we’re still on for tonight, no worries,” I said, trying to tackle his intention for calling before he could complain more.
Kevin sighed, “Yeah, I figured. I just really wanted to hear from you.”
“That’s sweet,” I said, checking my attitude before I responded. But then, I did what I normally do when I am irritated; I slathered my comment in sarcasm, “Would it work for you if I designated a 10-minute window everyday that we could chat and just catch up. I know you hate texting,” I smiled, knowing that I was kidding.
Read more on this dating story at HelloBeautiful.com
It’s a scenario we’ve all heard before. Jane and her boyfriend, John, both successful professionals in their mid-30s, are in a committed relationship. They know they are going to be together for the long haul and that they will, eventually, get married. So they buy an expensive loft together in the city — perfect for their fast-paced life of happy hours, fine dining, art exhibits and traveling.
Then it happens. One by one, Jane’s friends begin to have babies. She’s invited to countless baby showers, baptisms, and brisses. Jane realizes with a start that her own biological clock is ticking. She thinks, “Maybe I should stop taking birth control and just see what happens.” One day soon thereafter, she broaches the topic with John in a fairly casual manner — after all, their relationship has run smoothly up to this point, right? Imagine Jane’s alarm, then, when the conversation doesn’t go as planned. John says that, of course, he wants to have children someday. But that now is definitely not the time. He’s not yet willing to give up the lifestyle that they so carefully crafted for themselves. And he certainly doesn’t want to leave such a big decision up to chance, just “seeing what will happen” if Jane stops using birth control. Jane tries to change his mind, giving him all sorts of statistics about infertility in older couples. But John doesn’t budge. Stalemate.Many women find themselves in a similar position: They are ready to stop using birth control as a first step toward having a child (or another child), only to learn that their partners are not on the same page. When this occurs, it’s easy to start catastrophizing, thinking in all-or-nothing terms, and focusing on the worst-case scenario. (“If we wait any longer, then I’mnever going to get pregnant!”) All of a sudden, the only thing they think about is their longing to get pregnant. The waiting and the uncertainty can be excruciating — and can put pressure on the partnership.
Read more on family planning at YourTango.com