Source: WENN

From Essence

Jada Pinkett Smith is taking another shot at addressing the persistent rumors that she and hubby Will Smith have an open marriage. The actress took to her Facebook page this past weekend to comment on the public’s preoccupation with the goings-on in her bedroom because, you know, we have to know. First and foremost, wrote Jada, is “trust and love.” That would include agreeing that one doesn’t “own” the other.

“Do we believe that ownership is the reason someone should ‘behave?’” she asked “Do we believe that all the expectations, conditions, and underlying threats of “you better act right or else” keep one honest and true?”

Jada added that she trusts Will, and he the same. “Will and I BOTH can do WHATEVER we want, because we TRUST each other to do so,” she wrote. “This does NOT mean we have an open relationship…this means we have a GROWN one.”

So we get the whole bit about Will and Jada’s marriage being none of our business, (because, really, it isn’t) but her open letter has us thinking about the expectations we so often bring into relationships. How many of us can really say that we allow our significant other to be who they really want to be?

Read more at Essence.com

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From  YourTango

I like to think that I am an optimist.  Most of the time, my first reaction is to assume that things will work out ok, even if I’m not sure how.  One challenge that I have faced in my 13-year marriage is that I think my husband tends towards the pessimistic, especially when challenges come up at work.  The good news is that there is an easy way for me (and you) to make your significant other happier.

A recent study reports that one third of people would feel more optimistic about life if their partner showed them more commitment.  Really?  Just show my S.O. that I am committed to him and the relationship and voila, optimism increases?  Done.

Here are ten easy ways to demonstrate to your partner that your commitment will stand the tests of time.  In addition to making your partner happier, you’ll get a warm fuzzy feeling too!

1. Don’t threaten to leave.  This may seem self-evident, but nothing shows a lack of commitment like talking about bailing.  We’ve all been there–the argument gets heated, and its the same argument you’ve had a thousand times.  Your mind starts to think “My life would be so much easier if I were gone. . .”.  While its completely normal to have these thoughts, sharing them out loud (or even subconsciously) does nothing for the level of commitment your partner feels from you.  So the next time you have thoughts about leaving, keep them to yourself.  Cool down, and then make a list of all the great qualities your partner has.

Read more at YourTango.com

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…it depends.

When it comes to men, women, and friends of said women, situations like this can either go completely fine or horribly awry. On a macro level, it’s a bit difficult to answer this question with a catch-all answer that will satisfy everyone. After all, I don’t know all the women of the world, or their friends, so I can’t really speak on that level. What I can tell you about is my own personal experience, and from a personal/observational standpoint, most of the time a woman has nothing to worry about. But you know who that usually depends on?

The woman.

A few questions need to be answered to assess the threat level in a woman leaving her boyfriend around her friends, such as: How much has the girlfriend told her friend about her boyfriend? What kind of details has she shared with said friend? Did any of it involve sex? And if it did involve sex, how deep (no pun intended) did those conversations go? What kind of relationship does the girlfriend have with her “friend” and how close are they really? The most important question of all though may likely be, “what type of woman is the girlfriend’s friend?”

Asking these types of questions is a great way to determine whether a woman leaving her friend and her boyfriend in the same room without her presence is a smart move on her part.

A part of me believes this situation is overblown. In reality, when it comes to taste in potential partners where sex or a relationship is at stake, I doubt something happens. Plus, as I’ve seen on countless occasions, both men and women have this ongoing allegiance to their friends that is strong enough to override any potential interest anyway. It’s almost like some mechanism kicks in where people say “nah, you were messing with my homegirl, so I can’t even look at you like that.”

On the other hand, as a man, I can say that some of the reasons why I’ve been with women were by “referral.” And when I say “referral,” I mean their friend talked me up to the point where her friend just had to come see for herself. I’m not sure how much that happens overall, but I do know that it happens and I can understand why women would take precautions against that.

And now, for a story.

I was in a situation once where I was chilling with my girlfriend at the time and a friend of hers came to visit. My girlfriend and I were on the couch and her friend was sitting on the floor (college years with no furniture) in front of us. We were engaged in a conversation about the time I gave my lady a ride while another woman my girlfriend didn’t know was in the car with us.

The girl was a neighbor of mine who asked for a ride home and in the midst of transport my lady called and made the same request. My lady was telling her friend how that didn’t go over well (big surprise there) and how she thought my neighbor liked me. As we’re all laughing her friend says, “well Real, you’re pretty cute. If I didn’t have a boyfriend I’d definitely try to see what’s up with you.”

I laughed.

She laughed.

My lady gave this strange half-smirk. It was an expression I knew well. The kind of expression that said “yeah…that ish isn’t funny.”

I honestly didn’t think anything of it. Afterward though, my girlfriend never left me in the same room with her friend again. Like…not even for a second. I never thought anything was going to happen, but I hadn’t ever been privy to any types of conversations had between them about me. For all I knew, her friend knew all types of “personal information” that would have piqued her interest which led her to say something like that.

But like I said, women know better than men which friends to leave around their boyfriends and which women need to be watched harder than Barack Obama on a leisurely stroll through Central Park at midnight. In the end, there’s no one size fits all option when it comes to whether it’s a good idea to leave your friend and boyfriend in a room alone together, but I certainly don’t believe it to be an overblown reaction if women choose not to. I’m just one man though, so tell me what you think.

Ladies, do you have problems with leaving your man around your friends alone? Do you think there’s a chance either he would make the play or she would? Who would you hold responsible if you left the two of them alone and something went down?

Hit the comment box and let me know how you feel.

Peace.

For more on RealGoesRight’s opinions on men and women, be sure to check him out with the all-star collective of black men writers over on SingleBlackMale.Org. If you prefer something a bit more direct, feel free to follow him on Twitter at @RealGoesRight and subscribe to his blog at RealGoesRight.Com

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Relationships are built and based on a number of things. Some relationships are built on love, some on sex, others on trust and others on finances. However, most relationships that last are built and based primarily on communication and trust. So what happens when the person we are involved with, the one we trust and love, betrays us? More importantly, how do we miss the signs of betrayal, both obvious and not? Why do we fall for the things we fall for in relationships? The answer is simple…we fall for the things we fall for in relationships because we innocently hear the words our loved ones say to us, we imbed those words in our minds and bury them in our hearts…why? Because we trust them. Why do we trust them? Because we believe they have our best intentions in mind as well as the relationship. Not only do we innocently hear the words they say, but we glance over some of their actions that we agree and disagree with, causing us to miss obvious signs of infidelity or betrayal. Why do we do this? Because we want our relationships to work no matter what the cost. Now don’t get me wrong, there are many people who don’t miss the obvious signs of their relationship going downhill, but there are also those people who see the signs, but refuse to acknowledge them for the sake of having a relationship.

Refusing to acknowledge obvious signs of a failing relationship is detrimental to one’s mental stability and overall health; but sometimes you can miss those signs by trusting solely in that person and not relying on instincts.  How do you avoid missing the signs of infidelity, or better yet, how can you avoid falling for/believing everything your mate says? Do the following:

1. Listen to what your mate says, don’t just hear them. This may seem redundant, but what most people fail to realize is that there is a difference between hearing and listening. When you hear what someone is saying you are receiving the information given, or becoming aware of something, meaning you’re just taking what they say with a grain of salt; however, when you listen to someone you are paying attention to what they are saying, you understand it for what it is, and you can take the information you received and go forward with it.
2. Observe their actions. Observing your mate’s actions will help you recognize how they have changed and how the dynamics of the relationship have changed as well. For example, if your mate suddenly stops spending a certain amount of time with you that you’ve become accustomed to without just cause, this may be a red flag that you shouldn’t ignore. If they change the way they dress, or pay particularly close attention to their appearance, more than before, you may want to start asking questions. Am I saying you should be Inspector Gadget? No, but I am saying that you should observe your mate’s change in actions within the relationship.
3. Trust your mate, but trust your instincts more. If you are in a relationship with someone, there is obviously some level of trust there, which is great. But if your instincts indicate some red flags with your mate, trust them. Am I am saying that you should be overly paranoid? No, but what I am saying is that if you’ve noticed some strange changes with your mate and your internal intelligence tells you to ask questions, or listen and observe a bit closer than usual… do so.
4. When the obvious is blatantly obvious, take it for what it is. When your mate has obviously cheated on you, admits it and is even apologetic for it, walk away from the obvious cheater and the relationship because he may step out on you again. While I do believe in second chances, I don’t believe in being an obvious fool.
5. Don’t make excuses for them. This step is huge! People often miss signs of infidelity or fall for lies because they make excuses for their mates. They notice the change in their mate and the relationship as a whole but make excuses like “he’s just tired…” “She has to work late…” “I feel neglected, but it’s okay, I know he loves me…” and so on and so on. Why do we do this? We do this because we don’t want to face the reality of the situation, and we are trying to spare our hearts from breaking without realizing we are walking directly into heartbreak by not using our common sense and listening to our instincts.

Trusting someone is not easy, and when we find someone we want to be involved with we put our trust in them; and by doing so we have the tendency to be vulnerable, let our guards waaaay down and often fail to see the obvious. It happens very easily, and sometimes it can be avoided, others times it can’t. Trust your instincts, stay true to yourself, listen, look and learn.

What have you fallen for in relationships? Have you missed obvious signs of infidelity?

Liz Lampkin is the Author of Are You a Reflection of the Man You Pray For? Follow her on Twitter @Liz_Lampkin.

According to this excerpt from the book, The Normal Bar: women lie, men lie, everybody is a got-damn liar:

“For most couples, some lying is necessary to keep the peace, to protect each other’s feelings, and to preserve a sense of safety in the relationship. The 27% who never lie may be righteous, but they can also be cruelly frank. Men and women who shade the truth may be more loving and protective. Even well-intentioned lies, however, can hurt the relationship if the truth that’s withheld is something the partner has every right and need to know. Knowing when a lie is reasonable and when it is reprehensible isn’t always an easy call.”

According to the book excerpt, both genders have a sneaking suspicion about their partners truthfulness with 69 percent of men and women reporting that they have “lied at some point to their partners.” The most common lie committed by women (43 percent) is about how great/no-so-great their partner is in bed. And among men, almost half of men have reported lying to their partners about their whereabouts and what they are doing at these whereabouts. The book excerpt then goes on to cite one study, which has determined that only 53 percent of men and a dismal 39 percent of women completely trust their partners. Despite the pitiful levels of trust many couples have going on, the book explains that for women in relationships, there appears to be more acceptance of the belief that men are going to stray because they are “more interested in and titillated about sex outside the relationship” and therefore are incapable of being trusted. It’s hard to imagine that through all this lying, snooping and acceptance of bad deeds going on, folks can still say that they are in, or even desire, an honest and open relationship. Yet according to this book, even among happy couples, there is a tendency to lie or not completely trust their partners.

Reading these statistics doesn’t seem to inspire confidence in relationships. It would be dishonest of me if I stated that I have never lied in a relationship. However, I admittedly have trust issues and currently avoid having genuine relationships like the plague, so I don’t have to be put into a position of lying or being lied to. But is there ever a point where lying is okay? Like for instance, do I really want a guy to give an honest answer to how fat I may look in my dress or what he thought about that meal I made from the recipe I found online? Some secrets might be worth taking to the grave. For instance, I know for the former wife of 99-year-old Antonio C., who divorced her after 77 years after she confessed to having an affair back in the 1940s, would have loved if she kept that tidbit of information to herself.

Sure, some folks say it might depend on the lie, but what about the liar? I probably would be more forgiving of a lie, which was told to spare my feelings than one told because he fears rejection and the consequences of his action. However, generally, I hate liars and in either circumstance, I would probably be pissed. After all, maybe it is not my big a**; maybe it is the dress and its unflattering shape, which is causing me to look extra chunky, particularly in areas where I don’t want the chunk. And if this is the case, I would appreciate the heads-up in the matter so I can go change outfits.

A few years back, I was dating this guy pretty heavily for a few months when he one day, sat me down and told me that he felt we should slow it down. The reason was that he wanted to concentrate on his daughter, who recently came to live with him on a full-time basis. Made sense to me. About a month later, while out at one of the local spoken-word venues in the city, I ran into this same guy and he was on a date with his new girlfriend. He had lied to me, he said, because he didn’t want to hurt my feelings. I felt like he lied to me because he was a coward. And it has been my experience that liars and cowards are mutually exclusive.

Women don’t realize the power that we wield when it comes to love and relationships. I don’t know where it starts, our ignorance to the command/influence we have. I don’t know why we give ourselves so little credit in the way of steering our relationships. But I do know that for many of us, we misuse the power that we don’t even know we have. I know, because I’ve done it.

I gave him a big spoonful of what he had been giving me. Texts answered hours or a day late or even some just left totally unanswered. Half-hearted one-word replies. Nonchalance at its height. He needed to sweat. He needed to wonder the way I had wondered. He needed to know that I was not the type of woman to be played. No. I had a life and he wasn’t going to treat me as an afterthought. So, I fell back and let him wonder.

It was empowering the first day or so. But then the third and fourth day I started to feel differently. He was calling and texting like a mad man trying to figure out what was going on. I decided I had my fun and it was time to let him know I was done with this lopsided “relationship.” All the things I wanted to say came out cold and lacked feeling in about three text messages. But I wasn’t satisfied. It didn’t feel right. So a few days later I went by his house to talk. I practiced what I would say about his behavior and why I reacted the way that I did. I was ready to give him a piece of my mind along with the dose of his own medicine I had already served him.

What happened instead was pretty much not the way I saw the conversation going in my head.

“When we first started talking, we agreed to be open and honest with one another. We agreed that communication is a big key. But instead of communicating your feelings to me you just ignore me? That’s childish! You never made me aware of how you were feeling and there’s no way that you can justify that!”

I sat in silence for most of the conversation. I was stunned because no man has ever been able to rightfully speak to me like that. I couldn’t argue against his points. I had assumed so many things. I had taken his late responses to my text messages personally when in actuality, he was WORKING. I had used my power in the most juvenile of ways instead of communicating like an adult and it almost cost me a great friendship and what could be the beginning of an amazing relationship.

I thought I was teaching him a lesson, giving him a taste of his own medicine when instead I got schooled on my own lack of communication/trust and a lesson in humility. All rightfully deserved, when I sat and thought about it.

Sure, I got a reaction out of him, but for what purpose? Had I thought through my confusion and hurt I would have clearly seen that everything is not always as it seems and instead of jumping to conclusions, as I sheepishly admit I do sometimes, I should have spoken – IN PERSON, NOT VIA TEXT MESSAGE – to him about it. I have that right. I have that power. Not to nag but to communicate openly and honestly. And by God, if a man is ASKING for open and honest communication, that’s half the battle already WON!

Was it a bitter pill to swallow at first? Of course it was, sitting there being scolded by someone I had every intention of all but cursing out. But what was bitter at first taste became sweet once it sunk into my system. The power I have as a woman is not one of control or manipulation to MAKE a man do right or do what I think he should do so as to avoid ever being hurt. The power I wield as a woman is that of strength and honesty. There is no power in assumption or living in a perpetually reactive tit-for-tat state of mind. There is no true happiness or peace in that space either. I got the message loud and clear.

La Truly is a late-blooming Aries whose writing is powered by a lifetime of anecdotal proof that awkward can transform to awesome and fear can cast its crown before courage. La seeks to encourage thought, discussion and change among young women through her writing. Check out her blog: www.hersoulinc.com and Twitter: @AshleyLaTruly.

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Sometimes, you wonder: If you can’t trust your parents, who can you trust?

That must be what High School Musical actor Chris Warren, Jr is now asking himself after finding out his parents have stolen a huge chunk of his earnings. According to TMZ, Warren filed a lawsuit against his parents, actress Brook Kerr and Christopher Warren, Sr., for stealing the money he earned as a minor. He says it was created for him in 2001 and they’ve allegedly been taking from it the entire time.

Warren says in the lawsuit that he has been paying into that account for years but when he wanted to finally make a withdrawal in 2011 (he was 21 then), his parents would not let him access the account. After finally backing them into a corner, Warren says his parents admitted to taking money for their personal use.

They allegedly won’t tell him how much they took and he doesn’t know how much is in currently left in the account.

Warren’s parents (Source: Nikki Nelson/WENN)

If Warren’s mother looks familiar to you it’s because she played Whitney in NBC’s soap opera Passions. She’s also been seen in countless other small roles – all of which would have produced her own money.

She and the senior Warren are currently in the midst of a narsty divorce after having been married for 22 years. She was 16 when the younger Warren was born.  It has gotten so ugly that there have been restraining orders put in place to keep the older Warren from Kerr and his son.

At this point, there has been no response from either parent.

This is really disgusting. This young man is now 23 and still has no answers from the people who were supposed to be looking out for him from the “Hollywood vultures.”  Hopefully, they didn’t fully deplete the account and maybe he’ll be able to get some of the money back.

If you had a child in Hollywood, would you want to manage them or would you hire someone else but keep your eyes on everything going on?

Well, “hate” might just be a slightly aggressive verb and I don’t think I actually want help.  As the holidays come and go and I sit and think on family dinners of holidays past and present, I can’t help but wonder when did our big “over-the- trolley-tracks-and-through-the-hood-to-Grandmother’s-house-we-go” get-togethers come to an end? Oh, I think I remember now. It was right around the time when my aunts and uncles had one Miller Genuine Draft too many and someone ended up thrown down the staircase, cussed out, or in cuffs.

I’m sure millions of people around the world can rejoice in my shameless truth: sometimes family just doesn’t know how to act. Why can’t we get together without someone bringing up some childhood resentment of how Granddaddy never let them keep that Cocker Spaniel when they were little? This is obviously why they have issues with responsibility as an adult (Or, that’s what they at least claim).  It’s crazy the connections people can make between past baggage and present flaws under the influence of an elevated blood alcohol level. In my family, add a dash of sarcasm, an implied insult or two and some open wounds and you’ll end up with…well, real open wounds.  And unfortunately one of the biggest lessons my extended family has taught me is that sometimes strangers can treat you better than your own blood.

I mean seriously, some families can’t function without drama.  Almost every family has an uncle, a cousin, an in-law, just somebody that always comes to family gatherings on some BS.  Family is supposed to be proud of one another.  The best part of having family is so they can cheer you on from the sidelines when you accomplish things and have your back when strangers are throwing shade.  But that becomes a challenge when people of the same bloodline are too busy being envious when someone else gets a new car, a promotion at work, a degree, or anything that they feel makes them “better”.  It could be a new Toyota Corolla, getting a promotion to manager and completing a damn quilting class at the community center, and instead of getting some support from your family on a job well done, some members can’t do anything but be mad. It’s as if some people can’t go day to day without finding a problem with something.  Everyone’s so insecure about themselves and their importance in life that they want to make everyone else trying to find their role in this life feel small.  I don’t understand this type of behavior from grown people that were raised together.

Unfortunately, at first, all the blood-related backbiting made me suspicious at the slightest display of any type of intimate bond.  I never noticed how comfortable I had actually become in gossip, resentment and passive aggression until I attended my first family dinner hosted by my partner’s uncle.  Here were people that politely passed the potatoes and even after a few glasses of wine could joke and laugh without anyone’s feelings getting hurt.  His uncle even gave me “parting” gifts: some seashell bracelets from their most recent family cruise. It wasn’t exactly my style, but a sweet gesture nonetheless.

Sadly though, I remember coming home feeling uncomfortable without truly knowing why.  I found myself searching for reasons why his family couldn’t be perfect and why, of course, I was sure they secretly hated each other behind all of the hugs and hollow laughter.  I stomped around the house all evening while my boyfriend assumed I was PMS’ing until I finally blurted out, “They don’t have to like me. I’m used to people not liking me, what else they got?” (Of course no one had done anything to convey that message) He responded, “It must be hard to be in an environment where people genuinely love each other.”

Wow, can you say “5-minute therapy session”?  I never realized how much I was used to tension and drama until he pointed out my obvious discomfort around a family who actually acts like a positive family.

The best thing my mom ever did was isolate us from the negativity so that my sis and I would never grow up second guessing ourselves or feeling guilty about our accomplishments.  Unfortunately, the results were cousins that I wouldn’t recognize walking down the street, aunts and uncles that pass messages through mutual acquaintances before they’ll pick up the phone to call, and me being skeptical of truly genuine family relationships.  But I must be honest, things were kind of nice when people left their issues at home and left before they started feeling their liquor.  There were dance contests between cousins, my mom and dad doing the two-step to something (anything) by Smokey Robinson, and the solidarity that seeing a cousin’s new girlfriend or boyfriend’s squirm brought. But things changed.

It’s true; no one has a perfect family, but imperfection doesn’t have to equal hate.  And just because my experiences with my extended family are for the most part dysfunctional, that doesn’t mean that dysfunction dwells and thrives in most families.  It has taken me a while to lower my defenses, but gradually I am getting to a point where I can laugh and truly open up to other people without feeling like as soon as my back is turned they will brainstorm reasons why they can’t stand me.  It’s sad that I can’t have that closeness with my own family, but I’m happy that I have the chance to experience all that with someone else’s.

It’s because of my mother that I know I don’t need anyone’s approval but my own and that I should be the only one in control of my happiness,  As black women, there’s a pride we naturally carry in our ability to be independent. Sometimes we wear other people’s hate and jealousy as a badge of honor and use it as an excuse to have an anticipated attitude problem and build boundaries so that no one can tell how vulnerable and insecure we actually are.  We love to stand out on our own, and believe that anyone who isn’t behind us secretly wants to be us or see us fail.  But at the end of the day, don’t we all just want to be accepted by someone? Especially family? And that can be hard when you don’t even feel like you belong when around your own blood.  But try to do yourself a favor sometimes and allow yourself to be accepted by someone.  Everyone isn’t hating on you, and in fact, there are people who want to get to know you and show you love, if only you allowed them to.

Toya Sharee is a community health  educator  and   parenting education coordinator who has a passion  for helping  young women  build  their self-esteem and make  well-informed choices  about their sexual  health. She  also  advocates for women’s  reproductive rights and blogs about  everything  from  beauty to love  and relationships. Follow her on Twitter   @TheTrueTSharee or visit  her blog Bullets  and  Blessings .

Overcoming trust related issues is one of the biggest challenges that a couple can come up against. It is an emotionally draining  situation for both parties involved and unfortunately plays a major role in the demise of many relationships. Having been a person who has struggled with trust in the past, I realize that this can sometimes be a difficult mindset to break away from; however it is not impossible. If you find that you too struggle with trusting your partner, here are a few tips that just may help you out.

Courtesy of: singleblackmale.org

At every new stage of maturity, I loved him. When I was 18, naïve and green, I puppy loved him to death. At 21, when I realized relationships weren’t always going to be sweet nothings and passionate French kisses – I did my best to prove to him how willing I was to fight for us. He told me he didn’t want me anymore. I got familiar with the depths of depression, eating only three times and crying for the better part of two weeks. The only way to describe the hurt is that I felt like I was standing naked in the middle of a highway and I could see the truck coming for me, but I couldn’t move. That dose of rejection felt like I was hit by a truck. Head-on. Full-force.

And still, after months of not speaking, swearing I would never interact with him again, the moment he would text me, I would fall in love again. Dying to prove my adoration. Wanting him to want me just as much as I wanted him.

He didn’t and he never would.

Some say I was dumb. Some say I have daddy issues. Some say that it’s alright and that I can’t help who I loved. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions and theories. And all of the above hold some element of truth. But was I going to live out the rest of my twenties, pining away for a BOY who could not make up his mind? Was I going to wait for him to catch up and get his act together? Was I going to shut out any and every possible “Mr. Do Right” for that one “Mr. Do Wrong” who did so much wrong I could never really get to the root of why I ever thought he could potentially do right?

I had some serious questions to ask myself. And I did. Even though I still loved him a great deal, I was weary of giving him my heart and ending up his victim. I was tired of putting myself on the line and looking around to realize that he wasn’t standing next to me. Was it time for me to walk away? Hell yes. Did I really want to? Hell no. How did I do it?

I just…STOPPED.

After the last offense (him making light of a serious near-death experience I had – to put it mildly) I shed a tear or two – nowhere near as many as I had in the past – and I deleted his number. I blocked him on Facebook. I told myself, “This is it. No more.”

It was all I could do every single day to keep from calling him to ask how his day had been or “accidentally” texting him to have ANY kind of conversation. But I realized for every day that I did not contact him, he did not contact me. Just like that. It hurt like nothing I would wish on my worst enemy. But I maintained. I kept telling myself, “In a week it won’t hurt this bad. In two months this will be a memory…” That’s how I got through. Moment to moment.

There comes a time when you really, truly, madly, deeply have to realize your worth. A time when you have to say, “Enough is enough.” You’re only treated the way you allow yourself to be treated. Your constant groveling for his love leaves you helpless, powerless. It proves that you have absolutely no concept of your own value. Groveling doesn’t have to be physically kneeling and begging. It’s in the little things like allowing him to come over at 4 a.m. when you know good and well he’s been out with other women. It’s in playing the role of the girlfriend/wife when he has made NO effort to give you the title. It’s in texting him constantly, deciphering every message he sends back, hoping there is some glimmer of affection reciprocated.

It took me some time, but I do speak to my ex now. I made that decision because I didn’t want to live my life hating him or being afraid to see him with someone else. I had to know that I moved on. For me this was the test to see if I was really over him. He has a girlfriend and contacts me on a semi-regular basis. I ask where his girlfriend is. He changes the subject. He’s unhappy. I’m single but in “talks” with an amazing guy who has been in my life for a few years now, waiting for the stars to align for us. *Cue cheesy grin* I’m content where I am. I gathered up all the love I had poured into him over the years and began showering it on myself, my family and friends.

When you make the decision to walk in your worth, wholly and completely – love and its full bounty open to you. We live in the era of over-the-top reality television where relationship problems are turned into complex quadratic equations for the sake of drama and Nielsen ratings when in reality it is NOT. THAT. HARD. WE choose to complicate things. Love, itself is as uncomplicated as a river’s flow.

So, when do you stay? When do you let it go? YOU know. You know in your heart when it’s time to walk away. You know when you’re making a mountain out of a mole hill and need to put more effort into the relationship.  What are you worth? What is your time worth? What is your love worth? You choose. You know what you deserve. You know your own mistakes. You know his. You know what you can forgive and forget. You know your dealbreakers. You know what is unreasonable and you know what isn’t. Make no more excuses. Quit pinning your hopes to an unstable man. Leave all half-a**ing to the reality stars. If it’s right, you know. Do the work. If it’s wrong, you know that too. Leave the jerk. You hold all the cards. Pack them up and wait on someone who plays fair. The win will be worth the wait for the both of you.

La Truly is a late-blooming Aries with lots to say. Her writing is powered by a lifetime of anecdotal proof that awkward can transform to awesome and fear can cast its crown before courage. Armed with the ability to purposefully poke fun at herself La seeks to encourage thought, discussion and positive change. Check out her thoughts/jokes/rants on Twitter: @AshleyLaTruly and her young women’s empowerment blog: www.hersoulinc.com.