All Articles Tagged "trust"
There are quite a few theories floating around regarding what prompted Karrueche Tran to kick her on-again, off-again boyfriend, Chris Brown, to the curb. While some rumors imply that the unexpected split was triggered by a secret rehab visit from Chris’ other on-again, off-again lover, Rihanna, there were also whispers that a steamy hookup between Chris and another patient in the rehab facility is what sent Karrueche packing. But now sources close to the situation are saying that the split was far less dramatic.
According to TMZ, during one of her visits to the Malibu rehab facility, Karrueche went through Chris’ phone and discovered a bunch of inappropriate text messages exchanged between Chris and several other women. Insiders says that the fashion stylist was especially hurt by the betrayal because she had done so much to support him through all of the drama that he has been finding himself in lately. As a result, she reportedly decided to cut her losses and move on. As for the girl that Chris reportedly hooked up with while in rehab, sources are still claiming that it did occur, but Karrueche didn’t find out about it until after the breakup.
We definitely can’t blame her for wanting out. From the outside looking in, it appears that she has been extremely loyal to Chris. Unfortunately, it looks like he hasn’t even come close to doing the same.
Dear Dr. Romance
I am in my forties, and hadn’t had sex in years. I met someone and we CLICKED. We had sex on the 2nd date, I know you can’t unring the bell, and I’m betting that was probably a mistake, but there is a serious physical attraction between this man and myself along with the ability to talk and laugh about anything.
My daughter has figured it out of course and is not pleased, we’ve talked about it a little bit, and I’ve explained that there’s a bit of difference between her teenage experience and mine. They haven’t met yet, because I don’t introduce anyone to my daughter until I know they are really going to be a part of my life for along time. What do I do????? A Single Mom in a not so Unique Situation (I think)
Read Dr. Romance’s response at YourTango.com
I am only 33 and infertile. I had an ectopic pregnancy when I was a teen and now the doctors say I have poorly functioning fallopian tubes. I always said I would adopt but then I met my husband. He is such a good man and he really is everything to me. He is 40 with no kids and it’s important to him that he has his own “seeds.”
Neither one of us is financially rich but we are truly rich in the love we have with each other. My husband suggested that I ask my best childhood friend to be a surrogate. I was hesitant because she already had two kids but she said yes. She said that she would be happy to help me have my husband’s baby.
Here’s where it gets a little tricky. We both have good jobs working for the city but by the time you add in a mortgage, two cars and saving for a baby there’s not much left for doing the surrogate mother thing. Of course we’ll be paying food and medical expenses and stuff like that for my friend We’re thinking that my man and my best friend could get pregnant the old fashioned way. As far as I know, neither one of them is attracted to each other. My friend is a single mom so it’s all clear on her side.
Would it be the worst thing if my friend and my husband have sex so I can give my man the family he always wanted?
Mommy Wants to Be
Read Abiola’s response at Essence.com
Last week on Twitter, a friend posted the question, “What will you tell your children about love/marriage/sex/passion that wasn’t told to you?”
It didn’t take long for me to start tweeting out my list. I had been pondering that question on and off for a while during the past year or so because of the lessons I was just learning at 27 years old. So many lessons came to me just from being honest with myself about who I am, observing how I behaved in romantic relationships, observing other people’s romantic relationships – both healthy and dysfunctional – and having open conversations about ideals when it comes to love and marriage.
1. Love is beautiful but it’s work
Too often we allow young people to believe that love is an effortless cakewalk. I’ve found this to be very untrue. There will be days when you are aggravated, annoyed, infuriated and displeased by your significant other. There will be days when you are ready to quit. There will be points of adjustment to their quirks and schedule and lifestyle. Love is the overcoming factor in those moments. Love is the choice between going to bed angry and intentionally returning a text or phone call six hours later because you’re mad OR being mature, and having a conversation to hash things out as soon as possible. Love takes work but it grows the beauty of the relationship exponentially. So if you’re not strong and selfless enough to work in love, don’t waste anybody’s time falling in love. Simple.
2. Love takes TIME
Regardless if you’re just meeting someone new or you’re becoming reacquainted with someone – give it time. If they aren’t willing to take their time too, they don’t really want you – they just want a warm body. Time reveals so many things that you will not see if you rush into a relationship with someone because it ‘feels’ good. Pastor Van Moody says, “Too much, too soon, too freely always equals disaster.” Don’t give away valuable pieces of yourself to someone who hasn’t proven worthy of that act of trust. Take the time. Learn who they are in any situation. Walk it out. Don’t run. It’s not a race.
3. It’s not all about you
I think many of us have to re-evaluate why we want to be married. If it’s because it’s what society says we should want or because we want a beautiful ceremony and reception, then we’ve missed the point. Marriage is give and take. Marriage should be building a life with someone who can lift you up to your highest self and vice versa. If you want someone to wait on you, hand and foot, you want a slave, not a mate. Be clear. And if you don’t desire to give as well as receive, marriage is probably not the best option for you.
4. Passion is the match and love/dedication keep the fire going
My generation will throw each other away in a hot second. We test each other out and at the first sign that we might get bored, we walk away to find someone new. Passion fades that way if love isn’t there to keep it going. If there isn’t a love and deep respect for the person (which is built OVER TIME) we’ll base the whole relationship on the instability of passion alone.
5. If you wouldn’t be proud to have a son/daughter JUST EXACTLY like them, why sleep with them?
Pretty self-explanatory, no?
6. What have they done to prove that they are worthy of such a gift?
We don’t teach our children that their bodies are sacred anymore. They don’t see that message. And while I want my children (especially my daughters) to have agency of their own bodies, I do want them to know that THAT kind of intimacy isn’t to be taken lightly. There is nothing casual about our bodies. Life comes from us. That is sacred and not to be trifled with by a no-count boy/man who does not respect, love and value all of who we are.
This is by no means a comprehensive list, but I think it’s a great place to start, tweaking it for the appropriate age of course. Especially in this day and age, these kinds of conversations need to happen to cut past the media and societal clutter of what love is supposed to look like. I refuse to allow pop culture to teach my child what love looks like before I do.
La Truly is a writer, college professor and young women’s empowerment enthusiast. She mixes her interest in social and cultural issues with her life experiences to encourage thought, discussion and positive change among young Women of Color. Follow her on Twitter: @AshleyLaTruly and check out her site: www.hersoulinc.com.
It was one of those snowy and frigid Friday nights when I had absolutely no desire to leave my apartment. And neither did my roommates. So we all decided to crack open a huge bottle of Ciroc I received as a Christmas gift, pretended to be snowed in and got toasty. Two cocktails in, my flavor-of-the-month (aka Korey, everyone’s favorite disappearing boyfriend) text me, asking me if we could hang out. My inebriated fingers tapped away on my iPhone and before I could even logically process the answer he deserved (hell no), I was telling him to come over and bring party favors. Blame it on the alcohol.
Even though my roommates weren’t Korey’s biggest fan, their pending drunkenness make it easier for him to walk through our front door an hour later, ready to party with us. “The gentle giant!” My roomie, Lisa cooed when she opened the the door and spotted Korey’s staggering 6’4″ frame. Korey smiled, revealing those pearly whites against his ebony skin–the color combination alone was enough to make me weak. They hugged.
I nearly tackled Korey, hugging him like he’d just come back from war. “Y’all already toasted?” Korey laughed, watching my eyes dance around his face. “I brought the favors,” he said pulling out a small bag of Mary Jane. I took his coat, draped it over my arm. A small sandwich bag filled with white capsules hit the floor. I didn’t even notice and almost stepped on it, but Korey put his arm in front of me, “Hold on babe…” He reached down and picked up the packet of pills, “These ain’t for y’all, unless y’all trying to party…?” He tilted his head back and gave us all questioning glances with one eye brow raised.
My roommate, Lisa scrunched up her face and shook her head, “No thanks, I’m going to bed soon. Party time almost over for me,” she said in a fake island accent.
Korey laughed, “Kim?” he asked my other roommate.
Kim perked up, as she was pregaming and had plans to paint Brooklyn red that night. “Uhm, mayyyybe, but I am headed out and don’t want to be the only one who’s…well, on something,” she laughed.
Korey slipped the pills back into the secret pocket in his coat. “I know you don’t do this,” he smiled and patted me on the butt. “Unless…” he trailed off, his eyes glued to my butt as I walked down the hall to hang his coat.
Read more of this personal story at HelloBeautiful.com
Yes, you read that title correctly. It’s possible.
There’s a lot of politics that go into dumping someone correctly. Ideally, it would be done face-to-face, and probably in a public area in order to avoid a crazy scene. But now, it seems like times have changed in a world where technology is interfering in more areas of our lives.
Here are 10 situations where it’s okay to dump someone through text message.
1. It’s the early days.
If you’ve only been on a few dates, a breakupmight not even be necessary, unless someone is truly confused as to why you’ve disappeared off the face of the planet. But a text message is okay in this instance. You barely know the person. Three or four dates equal about eight hours together. No need for a long handwritten letter. In fact, you probably don’t even know your dumpee’s address.
Read more breaking up via text on YourTango.com
Since the film Bucket List came out in 2007, most of us haven’t just heard of bucket lists, we’ve got one. Mine includes: traveling internationally, getting over my irrational fear of karaoke, and finishing a book I started writing years ago.
Bucket lists reflect our unique dreams and desires, which makes them deeply personal. They’re also inspirational: They remind us of what we want to accomplish and of the qualities we hope to honor more fully before we die. In my case, we’re talking about adventure, creativity and overcoming challenges, to name but a few. Viewed through the lenses of doing (what we want to experience) and being (who we aspire to be) bucket lists aren’t just a boon to our personal growth. They also benefit our romantic relationships.
Research shows that trying new things together reinforces relationship happiness. Novelty not only provides more ways for us to connect, it gives us a new, and renewed, perspective on our partners.
For couples, creating and checking items off a bucket list energizes your relationship.
How do you go about creating a couples bucket list? Start with these three questions.
- What new experiences and adventures do we yearn to have with each other?
- What do we want to create together as a couple?
- Who do I most want to be in our relationship?
Feel free to answer these questions jointly. Or you can respond separately and then compare notes, highlighting areas of overlap. Focus on the big picture if you notice differences. For example, don’t assume that your wish for more romance and your partner’s interest in a course on Tantric sex mean you don’t agree. My guess is you share a desire for more intimacy, maybe passion, too. So ask yourselves:
What might be possible for me, and for us, if I tried what my partner suggests?
Unlike items on our most common to-do list — buy milk, pay bills, etc — it’s easy to defer our relationship bucket list (and our individual one, too) to some vague future. “We’ll explore our sensuality after our kids leave home,” we tell ourselves, or “we’ll take a cross-country road-trip after we retire.”
Read more about relationships at YourTango.com
From Single Black Male
As of late, stories of side chick pregnancies and simultaneous engagements have become commonplace. I personally know a woman who was sexually involved with a man who later told her that around the same time they were sexually involved, he had gotten engaged to another woman. The latest story from Ebony editor, Jamliah Lemieux, compelled me to write about this issue.
Long story short, Lemieux was in a relationship with a man for two years. Although their relationship was “on the rocks,” they continued to engage in intercourse. Five months into her pregnancy, he became engaged to another woman. Can you say messy?! This story, coupled with my friends’ stories (more than one of my friends has experienced this), and Gabrielle Union’s and Eudoxie’s stories beg the question, is this the new normal?
These situations also led to further questions like…
1) If a man is in a relationship with one woman that he feels will lead to marriage, why not break it off with the other?
2) If a man is in a relationship that will lead to marriage, does he think it is ok to have sex with other women until or unless he is married? Does he not consider this cheating?
3) What makes a man decide to marry one woman and not another if he still obviously has the strong desire to be in relationship with both?
To put it simply, this is not ok. Men often justify this behavior by either saying the man was obviously not feeling the girl he did not propose to, or that the other woman wasn’t his “girlfriend.” What does a title have to do with it if the “other” woman is getting girlfriend privileges? Furthermore, simply avoiding a title doesn’t change anything in terms responsibility.
Many female commenters attacked Lemieux for not knowing she was the side chick, or that her ex was that serious about someone else. It is likely that Lemieux wanted to be pregnant by her ex, but if the ex did not want the same, why continue to have unprotected sex with her and give her false hope? He knew she was in love with him , so why not have enough respect for her (and your new chick) to say, “you’re not the person I want to be with,” and bounce?
Read more about men and condom less sex at SingleBlackMale.org
It all begins with the first contact we have with a man and we ask ourselves, “does he like me?” However, at this point, men are on a completely different page, and this is helpful for women to understand.
- If he writes to you, calls you, talks to you, asks you out, or is sitting across the table from you — this means HE LIKES YOU! Generally, men don’t shop, they buy. They walk into a store and buy a shirt or a pair of shoes. They know what they want quickly and go for it.
- So, yes, he likes you. But he’s not sure you like him. This is also good for women to know, because he may treat the first date like a job interview. (He likes you, so he wants to impress you.)
Men are very clear that women are in the driver’s seat when it comes to relationships. Think of men as being the car. Women encourage them and they step on the gas. We let them know our boundaries and they step on the brake. When I tell my female coaching clients these facts, they usually don’t believe me. However, over time, the women start to understand that believing these facts is empowering.
Back to my first comment of “does he like me?” I tell my coaching clients that the first question they should ask instead is, “do I like him?” Remember… he already knows he likes you or he wouldn’t be there. So, how do you know if you like him? To figure this out, ask yourself:
- What traits do I like in men?
- What do I want and need from a relationship with a man?
- What traits do they have to have?
- What traits would be deal breakers?
- The answers to these questions start out with asking yourself:
- What’s important to me?
- What am I passionate about?
- What turns me on? What turns me off?
In my five years of coaching, I often ask new female coaching clients to define who they are (mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually) and what they bring to a relationship. Many women don’t really know because they haven’t thought about it. And when I ask them what they want and need in a man in these same categories, they often don’t know that either.
Here’s an important truth: Men fall in love with us when we’re being our authentic selves.
Have you ever had this experience? You meet a man and he makes your heart race, your body run hot, and your thoughts turn to mush? And then you start thinking you can’t talk about your true feelings around him, you can’t laugh, eat, and behave like the real you? Is it then a surprise when he ends up not attracted to you?
Read more about love at YourTango.com
Have you ever thought that the city you love in has something to do with your love life? Finding a scapegoat for your unhappy love life can just feel good. Who doesn’t want someone to blame, so why not the city you live in?
A recent study by CreditDonkey.com assessed cities across America to see where love goes wrong most often. Four factors were considered by city in this report:
- The average length of marriage by state is a sign of how happy people are in their committed relationships. The national average is 19.4 years, which isn’t bad. And the shortest marriages are found in our nation’s capital, Washington DC, with just 12.4 years. Maybe politics and love don’t make such good bed fellows.
- The Gallup Healthways Well-being Index assesses healthy behavior, as well as emotional and physical health among other things for people in 152 cities across the US. If you’re happily married or in love, you’re more likely to rank well on this index.
- The number of dating services shows the demand for singles services in a city. It might also point to one way to cope with breaking-up, as the newly single search for love again.
- The number of gonorrhea cases reported by the Center for Disease Control was looked as a reason why people break-up. When you think about it, if you’re in amonogamous relationship, you aren’t likely to contract venereal disease that spreads through multiple partners.
Read more on dating and location at YourTango.com