All Articles Tagged "soul mate"
At 19, my grandmother gave birth to her first child. Just before her 22nd birthday, she welcomed a second, my mom. Though both children were by the same man, my grandmother, Elizabeth, was forced into single-motherhood and found herself struggling to provide a decent life for her two kids. She suffered from a deep pain after dealing with the lies, cheating and disrespect from my grandfather, who at the time was an immature boy filled with lust and weakness for women. Not too long after she moved on from him, she found herself in an abusive relationship with a two-timing man who battled alcoholism.
Years after putting up with his abuse and experiencing several other not-so-good relationships, she finally found happiness when she married my step-grandfather Poppa Joe. My grandmother was 34-years-old. But after over 25 years of marriage, they parted ways when Poppa Joe decided that he wanted to live his life with another woman. And once again, my grandmother was left wallowing in pain. She’s had nights when she cried herself to sleep and moments when she felt ashamed. For a long, long time after her divorce, my grandmother truly suffered. I could see the disappointment and anguish whenever I looked into her eyes, and for a while, she lived with no one to call her own. That is until she met Sam.
It took 10 years, but my beautiful grandmother is finally getting the love that she deserves. She wasn’t looking for anyone, but God sent her a man who truly makes her happy. They met this past September. My grandmother was visiting her sister’s house just across the road when one of her brother-in-law’s friends stopped by accompanied by Sam, one of his good buddies. Sam was obviously attracted to my grandmother because he sparked up a flirty conversation and offered to walk her home at the end of the night.
The next day, Sam came back, looking for the pretty little lady he’d met that Sunday evening. He ended up getting her number and it’s been fireworks ever since. They just clicked. Since they’ve been dating, he comes over and she cooks for him. They spend time watching movies together, having intimate conversations, and holding one another at night. He calls her before he goes to work, on his way home from work, and random times in the day just to tell her he loves her. Sam opens doors, gives my grandmother compliments on her appearance whenever he sees her and isn’t afraid to let any and everyone know that he’s in love with his lady.
After years of not being lucky in love, and dealing with more heartache and pain than one woman should ever have to handle, my grandmother is the happiest I’ve ever seen her in my life. Every time I talk to her on the phone, the conversation always ends up on Sam, and I can feel her radiating through the receiver. Sam treats her like a queen, and for the first time in her life, she’s with a man who makes her feel like the luckiest lady on the planet. It has been a long time coming and a nice change for her after years of dealing with liars, manipulators and a wealth of disrespect. As a truly good and loving woman, I always wanted my grandmother to receive the same type of love and appreciation she gives out to others. It’s pretty amazing, but yes, my 70-year-old grandmother finally found her soul mate. She’s in love, and for everyone who knows her and the hell she’s been through in her lifetime, we all know that she deserves it. So while you might think love will never find you after a series of up and down relationships and time put into them, after watching what my grandmother has been through and the love she has found, it’s clear that only God really knows what is in store for you. It’s never too late to find the love that you deserve.
Last month, I wrote about Why Men Settle. As part of that discussion, a number of women wondered why a man would ever settle in love when it seems like they have far more choices than women do. I understand how that might seem confusing, but I’m also unsure this popular sentiment is even true. For one, I’m on the fence about if dating is really easier for men. Taking it a step further, is finding a wife/love/soul mate any easier for men than it is for women? I don’t think so. Let’s break down the various assumptions about dating for men.
There are not enough good black men: True and false.
The popular headline is that there are less viable black men for viable black women. There are generally a few errors when this much re-hashed story breaks. First, it assumes a ‘viable black male’ can be quantified using objective measurements, usually schooling and income. For example, they report that more black men are in jail than in college. This is a blatant lie, which you can read more about from this unlikely source here, so I won’t bother dissecting it. They go on to report that we have a high number of high school drop outs, which is true, but they don’t account for the fact that high school drop outs and jail rates are both interrelated and often reflective of the same population. As an extension of this point, the same can be said for college graduation rates – as black women do outnumber black men in enrollment and graduations, but only 30% of Americans have a college degree and miraculously, people still get married every day of the week. Income is by far the fairest measurement; however, simple arithmetic dictates that the higher your income requirement for a prospective mate – and you are free to have one – the less people will meet it.
Potential mate populations aside, I’m willing to admit that the way people traditionally date – with the expectation that men approach women – might make it easier for a man to initially meet a woman. The real question is how much impact does one to one ratios matter if women don’t proactively choose from available men anyway?
The dating odds are in men’s favor: False.
For this to be true, we have to assume that men 1) like approaching women and 2) are good at it when they do. I’m fairly certain the claims about huge numbers of men that like approaching strange women and risk getting turned down every time they do is greatly exaggerated. However, for the sake of today’s argument, we can assume men like approaching strange women and vying for their attention.
Regardless if this is true or false, the difference for men and women is that if there is a certain type of men women want to approach them, women can at least go to an establishment where those types of men are more likely to reside and place herself in the “line of fire.” On the other hand, if a man isn’t good at approaching women, there is no way to overcome it (unless he’s a baller?). A man who doesn’t have “game” will be equally unsuccessful in a room full of attractive women as he will be in a room full of unattractive women. Independent of the environment he is in, it is the embodiment of the woman that he will always struggle to approach. Even if the availability of women is in his favor, it doesn’t improve his success rates in the slightest.
To be fair, let’s assume the man we’re discussing is decent at approaching women, has money, is educated, and hasn’t been to jail. Are we still assigning blame to the wrong part of the dating problem?
We’ve all heard it at some point on our search for love: “Love shows up when you least expect it.” So, this means we should stop looking for love in order to find it. What if we applied this advice to other goals we have in our lives and the world?
Your ideal job will show up when you least expect it. You’ll lose 20lbs when you least expect it. The dishwasher will repair itself when you least expect it. Our marital problems will resolve themselves when we least expect it. World peace will arrive when we least expect it. This philosophy begins to seem a little ridiculous, doesn’t it? Is It Possible To Overcome Betrayal? EXPERT
And yet, we’re all sold this ridiculous myth from a very young age that one day we’ll bump into the love of our life and magically we’ll know how to make it last. How’s that working for you?
To get you out of the rut and get moving towards the love you desire, visit YourTango.com.
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