All Articles Tagged "Privileges"
It was a beautiful sunny Sunday afternoon. I was standing in my kitchen preparing an elaborate six course soul food meal for a young man I was dating at the time. I remember preparing each dish slowly, paying attention to all ingredients carefully, sampling each dish to make sure they were just right and smiling anxiously every step of the way. As I prepared this elaborate meal, I was nervous and anxious about what my then companion would say. I anticipated a positive reaction that would trigger an even more positive reaction that would eventually lead to us living happily ever after.
However, the outcome was different.
My companion enjoyed the meal, but shortly after, we parted ways and have never spoken a word to each other since. As I recall that relationship, and some of the things that transpired, I realized I gave this young man (and many others I was involved with) privileges that should have been for my husband, which led me to ask myself why did I do that? What was my motivation for cooking, buying elaborate gifts, giving massages, etc. to men who were only my boyfriends? I found the answers to my questions when I went on a hiatus from the dating scene. I realized I gave my boyfriends husband privileges because I was trying to prove to them that I was marriage material. I did this because I didn’t see the value of being a single woman, and I didn’t know what it really meant to be a wife.
I didn’t see the value in being a single woman because my focus was on the “American Dream”- having the white picketed fence, 2.5 kids, a dog and a beautiful home. Not only was I focused on the American Dream, but I was focused on all of my friends who were engaged, married or in promising relationships. I wanted the same things they had with their relationships, so I figured if I gave and gave to my boyfriends, they would see my wifely potential, they would propose and my dream would be reality. Boy was I wrong!
When I realized that the more I gave to my boyfriends, that the less of me I had for myself. It was then that I decided to shift my personal focus. When I shifted the focus to reflecting on who I was, learning who I was, and finding my purpose in being single, I realized that I did not have to give my boyfriends husband privileges, but give them who I was internally as a woman and that’s better than any home cooked meal or elaborate gift.
Talk about an abuse of power. An Ohio sheriff just gave Deputy Dominic Martucci walking papers after finding out he forced five jail inmates to dance to Usher’s 2007 hit song “Yeah” in exchange for privileges like using the microwave or telephone.
The incident supposedly happened April 10 or 11 with inmates who were locked up in a disciplinary area. One inmate said he did the worm as Martucci played Usher’s “Yeah!” while another said he did the robot so he could use a phone to contact relatives after a family member’s death. Several deputies also watched the inmates dance when they happened to walk by the cell or were called by Martucci. Some told investigators the dancing lasted a mere few seconds (as if that makes it OK), but several inmates say the show went on for at least several minutes, and it seemed like the deputies were protecting Martucci by being on the lookout for supervisors. An internal report says Martucci also asked inmates to do a “bump and grind” routine if they wanted a recently removed microwave returned to their unit.
Martucci admitted to making a mistake but told investigators he was only trying to ease tension in the jail. They didn’t care. He was fired this week for violating department policies by mistreating inmates, acting inappropriately, and having a cellphone in the jail to play the music. He also was cited for conduct unbecoming of an officer and failing to properly document why the inmates had been put in the disciplinary area to begin with.
Ol’ boy should of taken a lesson from Usher’s lyrics when he said “I don’t know if I take that chance just where it’s gonna lead.” For former deputy Martucci it’s the unemployment office.
Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.
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