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Ever date a guy who keeps a lot of female company, only for him to be like “We’ve never done anything, we’re just friends”? Sure, men and women can be platonic friends, and no one should have to get rid of their friends of the opposite sex just because they’re dating someone new. But sometimes there’s just one of his female friends who’s on your radar, because they seem just a little bit too chummy.  If you’re not sure if your man and his friend are really just friends, here are a few warning signs to look out for to see if your relationship is in the danger zone.

by Marissa Ellis

Dating is not for everyone. The thought of meeting someone, going out on a series of interviews dates, with the pressure linging overhead of figuring things out within a matter of a few months is enough to turn someone like me off from the whole game. Am I supposed to know within three months whether I want to invest in another soul, make future life plans with him and enter into a sexual relationship? Yeah, I guess so. Most people follow that scenario faithfully.

Although it does leave me with limited options, I opt to know someone as a friend first. Basically, that eliminates the chances of me meeting someone at a random place. In the past, I have met people at work and through friends. In a work setting, you have the chance to communicate with somoene as a colleague. And when meeting someone through a friend, it’s much easier to strike up a casual friendship. I take commitment very seriously which is why I don’t like leaving things up to chance if I can help it. And by help it, I mean getting to know the other person very well before I enter into a pact to love and nurture him. As friends, you get to know the person without the facades; you get to know the person for who they are and not what they’re trying to impress you with.

Ironically enough, I first met my current boyfriend at a bar. We went out on a few dates before I decided that I wasn’t interested enough or comfortable enough to pursue it further. After all, when someone else is paying the bill for all your get-to-know-each-other excursions, it just adds to the uncomfortable pressure of figuring things out fast. Once I told him that I wasn’t sure about dating, he wanted to remain friends. And that we did, for a whole year before we decided to try dating again. During that platonic time, I got to know him as a person and really became attracted to him without any external pressures.

As much as I’m celebrating the friends first approach, I know it’s not for everyone. What works for you? Have you ever successfully enforced the friends first rule? Or do you prefer the straight-up approach to dating?

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Dear Luv Coach,

I am young and this guy and I were friends until people assumed we were together. I guess he kept letting it get to his head so he stopped hanging out with me so him and his homeboys call me names and things. It hurts my feelings but I get over it. Some days he’s nice some days he hates me. Now any time I mention a new guy I meet to any of my friends he sucks his teeth and rolls his eyes (He always denies he likes me. MY FRIENDS THINK OTHER WISE) It’s hard for me to be happy all the time when he comes around. It’s like I’m happy with new guy friends and he comes around being mean and arrogant. I’ve been nice to him but he’s using all my niceness up. He might get a side of me he won’t like. He asked his friend what he thought about me and his friend looked dead at me and said I make him sick…..I knew he was talking about me because his friend looked my way. luv coach can you help me? I want to be with some one who loves me for me, who doesn’t disrespect me…..HELP!!!!!!!

signed…hopeless in the love department

You’re boyfriend is sick and tired of you telling him about that guy who’s supposedly your friend. Depending on his temperament,  he may make a big stink about it but he isn’t buying it. Unlike you, your man is pretty in tune with how other guys think. Not that he’s smarter than you… he’s just a man too.

Just because you’ve committed to not sleeping with some guy does not mean he shares your intentions. There are plenty of legitimate instances where you can be just friends with a man but sometimes women cast the friend net too far, trapping all kinds of men in a weird “friend-but-not-really” space.

If any of your guy “friends” can be described by the following relationships, you might want to start calling dude something else. Give your man a break.

Can men and women really just be friends? That depends, depends on the circumstances and the more the circumstances the murkier the water of platonic friendship. While maturing in high school I was always told that it was men who were the reason that the two sexes couldn’t be friends, them dogs just didn’t know how to keep their little head in their pants. I assure you, women are just as much to blame for the lack of a platonic relationship between the sexes as are men. Let’s explore three different types of male: female relationships and how they work in the platonic zone.