All Articles Tagged "phoenyx austin"
In Defense Of Snooping
From the desk of Dr. Phoenyx:
Let me jump right in by confessing that I have snooped. And I’m not ashamed to admit it. Why? Because in EVERY snooping case, I have discovered exactly what I sensed- deception. I have confirmed a past lover’s unfaithfulness or general deceptiveness, and snooping gave me the ammunition I needed to “pull the trigger” on the relationship. I haven’t snooped on every ex. But when I dealt with someone that caused that little voice in my head to whisper “something ain’t right here girl,” I did take it upon myself to check things out. And you know what? I do not feel the least bit guilty for it. I listened to my intuition and it never steered me wrong.
I’ve always found it interesting when folks give advice like: “You shouldn’t snoop. You should just talk to them. And if your partner says they’re not cheating/lying, just drop the issue. You’re probably just being insecure or paranoid. And even if they are cheating/lying, you still shouldn’t snoop. Eventually the truth will come to light anyway.”
Really?! As far as I’m concerned, that’s absolutely ludicrous. And I would never give someone I cared about that kind of advice. In this day and age, the risks are too high for a woman to just “wait for the truth to come to light.”
I’ve observed some men that have taken lying and cheating to a level that is worthy of a psychological case study. And as I’ve gotten older I have come to accept that some men do lack that “morality chip.” Some don’t always behave the way that they should, and leave you with no other option but to snoop. For example, a close girlfriend of mine once shared that her fiancé started disappearing for hours at a time and not picking up her calls. Her gut told her something was up. So she decided to do the “adult” thing and confront him. She asked him directly: “Are you cheating?” And he responded: “No babe. That’s ‘crazy’. I love you. I’d never do that.”
I’m selfish because I don’t want children?!
Ladies! I have a few questions I’d like to ask:
“How many of you ladies have a child or children?” and…
“Do you think it’s selfish for a woman not to want children?”
5 Things You’ll Need “Before” Going Natural
The beauty of natural hair is undeniable. And with so many women now making the decision to go natural, for beauty and even health reasons, it’s important for these women to also know that going natural is rarely something that should be done on a whim. Going natural requires a lot of things. And usually, the process requires months or even years of contemplation and education. Yes, it’s very tempting to run to a stylist shouting “I want that!” after you’ve seen a natural haired woman rocking a gorgeous afro or locs. But you should resist doing something impulsive before you’ve fully prepared yourself for the commitment. Take your time to think the whole process through. The road to natural hair is wonderful but it is also paved with occasional obstacles. Here are 5 things you’ll need “before” going natural:
Are You a Future Wife or Forever Wifey?
Hola chicas! Dr. Phoenyx here again! And today’s discussion is about “getting that ring”- or more specifically, “are you ever going to get that ring?” Now I’m not knocking women that want to do the “Oprah thing,” but I know there are many of you that do desire the bliss of matrimony. And if marital bliss with your boo is the ultimate goal, then you need to start being realistic about where your relationship is truly headed- if anywhere at all.
I’m a die-hard romantic, but I’m also a realist. I’ve seen many cases of women who truly desire marriage, and do everything to satisfy their men, only to ultimately fall into the “wifey” trap. Now “wifey” may sound all cute and reassuring, but it’s bogus terminology invented by men that want to “claim” women without really claiming them. “Wifey” is just a glorified “girlfriend.” And it’s definitely not a “fiancé” or “wife.” You know, the chick that actually has a ring on her finger?
What Your Sexual Fantasies Say About You
Let me ask you ladies a few questions- do you have sexual fantasies? Now before you say something like- “No, Dr. Phoenyx. I don’t fantasize. Especially not those really hot, kinky, dirty kind of fantasies” – let me first assure you that sexual fantasies are nothing to be ashamed of. Sexual fantasies are a natural way to escape reality, satisfy curiosity and relieve anxiety. It’s all perfectly healthy. And we’ve all had sexual fantasies.
Furthermore, sexual fantasies can even enable us to enhance our sexual experiences. How? Well, many people think sexual arousal and orgasm is about genital stimulation- but they’re wrong. Do you know what your most powerful sex organ is? It’s your brain. That’s right ladies. Your brain is your most powerful means of getting off.
Now with that being stated, have you ever wondered what your fantasies mean, or what they say about you? Ever had a hot lesbian fantasy and then started to wonder whether it meant you were interested in batting for the other team? If you’ve ever had a sexual fantasy and wondered what it meant in regards to your sexual orientation or degree of freakiness, then you should definitely read on.
Overall, in women, sexual fantasies have been shown to be associated with higher sexual desire and sexual satisfaction. Sexual fantasies are, and should be, part of a healthy sex life. It’s nothing to worry about or be ashamed of. So go ahead ladies and let your imaginations run wild! Remember- a dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste 
Women: Is It Healthy to Not Have Any Female Friends?
Do you know a woman that proudly proclaims that she’s not friends with other women? Or do you know a woman that doesn’t have any female friends because she claims all women are “catty” and “jealous?” Do you have trouble getting along with other women?
Hair Debate: If You Ain’t Natural, You Don’t Love Yourself
Just recently, I had a rather interesting conversation with another natural haired woman. And according to her: “If your hair ain’t natural, you’re full of self-hate.” Mind you, this woman was also wearing colored contact lenses and acrylic nails.
I’m a natural haired woman, and I have a problem with her statement- mostly because it’s rather judgmental and a flawed attempt to psychologically breakdown every relaxed haired black woman. For many little black girls, getting our first relaxer is an indoctrination. It’s just like going to church: You may not know why you’re doing it- you just do it because Mommy said so. At least that’s how it was for me. I got my first relaxer in kindergarten. And the whole experience was never really something I thought about until I hit my teenage years. I certainly didn’t hate myself- at least not more than the next insecure teenage girl. But I’ll tell you what I did hate- doing my hair. It was a constant conundrum because I wanted to look good (as most budding young women do) but sweat, water, wind (actually all the elements) were my biggest adversaries. And for someone who loves working out, going to the beach, fishing, and generally anything that involves water and warm weather, relaxed hair started to work my last nerve.
And then of course, there was also the spiritual aspect of going natural. Years ago I was in Jamaica- surrounded by tons of beautiful, brown-skinned, natural haired women. And I literally had an epiphany- kinda like being unplugged from The Matrix. I was in the bathroom, looking at my frizzy, salt-water matted hair in the mirror, and I thought: ‘What the heck am I doing to my hair? Why am I trying so hard to look like this?” It was a profound moment for me, and I made the decision to go natural right then and there.
I love my hair now. And for me, natural hair offers wonderful flexibilities and freedoms that I didn’t have with relaxed hair. Personally, I’m pro natural hair and wouldn’t go back to a perm. But that’s my experience and my choice. Every woman is different.
It bothers me when natural haired women make statements like “if your hair ain’t natural, you’re full of self-hate.” Basically, it’s been my observation that there are two types of natural haired women: the “aggressive, judgmental” type and the “live and let live” type. I admit that my decision to go natural did revolve around a newfound self-acceptance and self-love. But I’m not about to make a blanket psychological analysis of every women that relaxes her hair. I’m my own person- and my experiences and decisions don’t apply to every other black woman.
So if you’re a natural haired woman that takes an aggressive, judgmental stance on natural versus relaxed, I would advise you to chill a bit- especially if you boast about “natural” equating to self-love, but then proceed to wear other kinds of fake out. Every woman has the freedom to express her beauty the way she deems fit- whether it’s natural or enhanced. Ladies, oftentimes it’s hard enough just learning to love ourselves. And we should all encourage each other, regardless of what’s on our heads.
What does natural hair mean to you?
Do you think that women who wear perms have issues with self-hate?
If you liked this article and want to know more about our writer, Dr. Phoenyx Austin, fan her on Facebook! Dr. Phoenyx is a physician, writer, & media personality. She is a young woman living passionately and truthfully- hoping to empower, educate, and entertain women through her witty, straightforward commentary on love, relationships, sex, and hot topics. She is also currently working on her first fiction book- a psychological thriller.
Help! I Want an Open Relationship
A few weeks ago I wrote Open Relationships: Is It The Way to Go? And the article created much buzz and discussion. People asked me whether I advocated open relationships. And my response was this: “Whether I advocate them or not is irrelevant. But what I do advocate is knowledge and healthy relationships based on a foundation of honest communication.”
Key to Happiness? Not Caring What Others Think!
“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” — Dr. Seuss
I believe that the key to happiness is being your most authentic self and not caring what other people think. Some may agree, some may disagree. But that’s what I believe.
Basketball Wives Reunion Part 1: Drama, Drama & More Drama
Ok ladies, I watched the “Basketball Wives Reunion Part 1″ and it was strictly for work- I swear. Ok, it was for a little bit of business and pleasure. I laughed, I gasped, and I thought that Tami’s hair looked a lot better. But most importantly, I sought to find deeper philosophical meaning in this reunion special- a message that I could share with other women. And in between all the censor beeps and flying “b” words, I found a few pearls of wisdom for all my fellow Madame Noire readers. Here are six things we can learn from the “Basketball Wives Reunion Part 1″:
