All Articles Tagged "Paul Carrick Brunson"
The myth of the undesirable Black woman will just not go away. Instead, it continues to rear its ugly head in the most unexpected places, like FYI’s hit docu-series “Married at First Sight.” The show is pulling their own version of a Psychology Today stunt.
In case you’re unfamiliar with the premise of the show, a man and a woman who have been matched by a panel of experts, marry each other “at first sight.” Meaning, they meet and marry their spouse on the same day. The couple move in and live as husband and wife for 90 days before they have to make the decision to either stay married or get a divorce.
The idea sounds wild but it’s not that much unlike arranged marriages. And the show is incredibly entertaining.
Still, after today, I’m giving the network and their experts the side eye.
In a video, where the experts discuss and decide which men to cast for the show, one of the experts said:
“Many of our African American men have no interest in marrying an African American woman. Many of our African American women want husbands who are of the same race. They are successful, they are ambitious, they are beautiful. We want to have the opportunity to match them.”
There was even a montage of three Black men who said they preferred not to be with someone of their own race and then three Black women who said they preferred to be matched with a Black man, as proof.
As many times as we’ve heard and seen this narrative, I should be numb to it. But still, watching it, I felt a sense of betrayal and then sadness for these brothas and their latent and blatant self hatred. And really, that’s exactly what it is. There is no other way to slice it.
But some of this is FYI’s fault. And relationship expert, Paul Carrick Brunson, took to his Facebook to cape for Black Love and scold the “Married At First Sight” folk in the process.
Brunson said that though he highly respects the expert in the video, he could not support what she said, especially when the greater implications of her words are hurtful and harmful to the community.
“This show, that has an incredible platform has done something incredibly disgusting…
This segment shows everything that’s wrong with television when it comes to these dating reality shows. This is like a travesty that this happened. And the reason why is because they did it simply to get people talking, to demoralize us and to be provocative. This is the reason why. And it’s very irresponsible to do this, why? Because it’s not factual. It’s not supported by any data.”
An expert for the show contacted Brunson explaining that the statement was referencing their applicant pool specifically and not a statement about the nature of dating trends in the general population.
But then Dr. Joseph Cilona came through and tried to insult Brunson. He wrote on his Facebook page:
It should be emphasized that these comments are in reference to African American men in our applicant pool. [A total of three men.] There were no generalizations made to other populations…or claims that our experience should be made to other populations. However, you might be interested to know that we observed this to be very clear and a specific trend, not only in our matchmaking attempts in Atlanta for season 3, but also in both season 1 and season 2 in the New York area. We consistently had an abundance of what we considered to be rather amazing African American women and little to no African American men to match with them. In addition, very frequently, African American men in our applicant pool across all three seasons expressed deal breakers around NOT wanting to be matched with African American women. Whatever this might or might not represent in terms of the greater population is certainly up for debate and interpretation. I encourage you Paul to rematch the clip that you referenced and listen more carefully.”
Dr. Cilona got a little trill.
But Brunson knows what he’s talking about. He said this trend that the “Married at First Sight” people are just now discovering is not new. The world is becoming increasingly more and more “interracial” as people are choosing to marry outside of their racial group. But, contrary to popular opinion, Black men marry outside of their race less than any other race.
“Black men, and this is according to Pew Research, marry outside of their race less than American Indian women, less than American Indian men, less than Latinos, less than Latinas, less than Asian women. African American men marry outside of their race, comparatively, at one of the lowest rates on the planet. On top of that, African American men, currently, today, right now, 88 percent of us are married to Black women. That’s the vast majority of us. So what the hell is up for debate? What’s up for interpretation? Nothing is.”
And then Brunson said something so poignant.
“We get enough of this everyday as Black people. We don’t need any more. We don’t need any more myths to be perpetuated. Because these myths that you are perpetuating, it begins to impact belief and that belief begins to impact hope. And guess what? You have no authority over our hope. You don’t get that.”
Brunson was sitting in front of a bookshelf, but he might as well been on a stage so he could drop his mic.
And if you doubted his comments and the desire Black men have to date and marry Black women, you need look no further than a comment left by a Black man, on Brunson’s Facebook page. This guy auditioned to be a part of “Married At First Sight” and expressed a desire to date/marry a Black woman for 90 days. Interestingly enough, the experts were unable to find a match for him.
Ain’t that something.
Brunson hit the nail on the head. I really don’t have to say anymore. But there is something incredibly wrong when the show couldn’t find Black men to cast in Atlanta, the Black Mecca. And, let’s be honest, there aren’t a lot of men watching “Married At First Sight.” Furthermore, in the grand scheme of things, I’d argue that there aren’t a lot of people in America, men and women of any race, who would agree to marry a complete stranger on their first meeting. And then stay married to that person for three months. It’s unorthodox to say the least.
But the takeaway from all of this is how the media’s messaging has been able to permeate, even to those who are considered among the educated elite. We all have our level of ignorance but I’m glad that Brunson was willing to step forward and assert our humanity, our desirability and our propensity to call out bullsh-t and speak the truth.
You can watch his entire video message below.
Last week, Ella Rucker, entrepreneur coach and co-producer of #MentorMonday with Paul C. Brunson, hosted a Marketing Mastermind event to give entrepreneurs strategies and tips for promoting their respective brands. My cousin was visiting from London and I felt responsible for ensuring she had a good time — though Americans and Brits all speak English, sometimes things still get lost in cultural translation.
I’ve been to networking events where the atmosphere was tepid at best and chilly at worst. In those situations, I’ve had to deal with women, of all colors, who seemed much more interested in seeing what you could do for them than discussing opportunities for collaboration. But Ruckers’ Marketing Mastermind was the complete opposite and such a shining example of Black women on their best business behavior.
Not only did these African American women embrace my cousin as a “sistergirl from around the way,” regardless of national origin, they took interest in her experience as a brown girl in Britain and found ways to connect. They shared beauty secrets about hair and compared notes about the struggles that, sadly, unite Black women living in white patriarchal countries.
According to the “2015 State of Women-Owned Businesses Report” commissioned by American Express Open, the number of businesses owned by African American women has grown 322% since 1997, making Black females the fastest growing group of entrepreneurs in the U.S. Women now own 30% of all businesses in America, accounting for some 9.4 million firms. And African American women control 14% of these companies, or an estimated 1.3 million businesses. These are the statistics that don’t make it across news circuits. The educated, warm, thoughtful, and enterprising Black woman that loves herself and women like her isn’t one of the prominent actors of the American cultural narrative or in discourses about race. This Black woman is neither celebrated nor recognized in popular culture. But she exists.
Smart, ingenious, welcoming Black business women exist. We’re not unicorns. And if you are one of us or see another one of us at an event, a coffee shop, or on your social media timeline, don’t keep it to yourself. Spread the word. Please be active in promoting and drawing attention to these images and ways of being that replace the broken and distorted representations of Black women with their fuller and fleshed-out counterparts. If we’re ever going to completely deconstruct the negative archetypes of Black women that continue to persist and, once and for all, achieve equal respect and recognition in the entrepreneurial realm the work has to start with us.
Connect with Kara @frugalfeminista. Learn more about The Frugal Feminista at www.thefrugalfeminista.com Download your free ebook The 5-Day Financial Reset Plan: Eliminate Debt, Know Your Worth, and Heal Your Relationship with Money in Just 5 Days.
Tags:Paul Carrick Brunson
OWN’s executive producers said we might be seeing more brown faces on the network and it looks like they’re following through. The Oprah Winfrey Network has hired Modern Day Matchmaker Paul Carrick Brunson, also known as he “the real-life Hitch,” to co-host the biggest dating challenge in TV history, as part of a new show called “Lovetown, USA.”
The program is one of three new original series being added to the network’s 2012 lineup, and will follow Brunson and co-host Kailen Rosenberg, as they transform Kingsland, GA, into “Lovetown USA.” The matchmakers will take over the city for 30 days to help eight singles find love, and producers promise everyone from the mayor to Kingsland’s local residents will be involved.
Paul Carrick Brunson is the first and only full-time black male matchmaker in the world so this gig is a huge deal for him. Filming for the show is expected to begin in the coming months. Check out the promo residents sent in to qualify for the show.
Will you check out Lovetown USA on OWN?
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UDPATE: This show will be broadcasting on Friday, Oct. 28 at 3:00 and 3:30 pm.
Dr. Drew’s set is going to explode tomorrow. On his talk show “Life Changers,” an audience of all black men and women will be crammed into one tiny studio to discuss not just interracial dating, but black men who refuse to date inside their race. Yes. The beating up of the single black woman in the national media continues.
The short preview of Part 1 of the episode below doesn’t show much, but a few typical comments in the interracial dating debate can be heard. For example:
A black female guest tells the men “we’re feeling rejected,” and “we’re tired of it.” A black male guest gets in her face and says, “I don’t like your attitude.” Yes, we have tread these tired waters before. Most of us are over this.
But I feel sorry for this particular woman actually, because she still cares. I remember when I used to feel rejected when I’d hear a black man make a comment to the tune of “that’s why I’m going to get a white girl,” or “that’s why I stopped dating black girls.” The idea that a white woman has something better to offer over a black woman just didn’t sit well with me at all until I finally realized:
That’s his problem, not mine.
Am I really missing out on a guy who puts his fingers in my face or who has to be held back by a panel member (who by the way is the only black male matchmaker, Paul Carrick Brunson), in front of a live studio audience? Is a man who says he prefers white women over black women because they are more subservient really for me? Do I really want to procreate with a man who is more concerned with the texture of his future children’s hair than the mental and spiritual qualities his partner possesses? If a black man can so easily write us all off for the transgressions of black women from his past before getting to know us as individuals, isn’t he the one in need of help?
Perhaps the stereotype that women love to talk rings true for some of us. But will your gift of gab act as a turn off when it comes to the fellas? Find out what relationship expert Paul Carrick Brunson had to say about this topic over at Your Tango.com.
With over half of marriages ending in divorce are you destined to go down that daunting path? Not necessarily. (Yay!) Check out this explanation from relationship expert Paul Carrick Brunson.
Even if you’re no where near getting married watch the video anyway–boyfriend is too cute! (But just looking. He is married!)
Check it out at Your Tango.com.