By Caresse D. Spencer

I have my thoughts about Scandal, but doesn’t everyone?

I used to get on my high horse every week it aired because I’m bound to see something that rubs against the convictions that guide my own lifestyle. Nevertheless, I keep watching. Why? Because as I’ve written before, on my own blog, Scandal is the show that makes us all hypocrites. So, I can’t even go near a stone without seeing Jesus on the cross shaking his bloody head at me.

But, I did have to tune out for a little bit to regroup and consult my conscious. God forbid, I become bound by a dag on tv show! Come to think of it, those two-week breaks the network has thrown in at different times were probably answered prayers from all the saints who knew we were wrong for wanting Olivia and Fitz to go ahead and get back together (because her black suitor wasn’t smooth enough), but we couldn’t find a way out of watching!

Now that different stories are being thrown back into the mix, and at least for now Olivia and Fitz’s twisted affair isn’t the main event, I’m watching again. Yet, in the meantime I’ve realized the reason why “Scandal” has even those of us who reject “reality” tv and all the foolishness that often comes along with it fiending for Thursday nights and watching well-clothed and well-acted scandalousness. It’s because we love seeing black women in power.  It’s the same reason Beyonce gets a pass for barely wearing clothes and being a sex symbol when she performs. ‘Cuz that girl can sang! And she can dance! But don’t let us see a woman walking down the street dressed like that. And of course we’re quick to shake our heads at video vixens. But these women on television are black women being fierce, and that’s inspiring!

Though I wonder, couldn’t it also be dangerous? I’m still waiting on Beyonce to drop a press release  (sent to social media by “mistake”) explaining her latest single, but if that was on purpose, then it seems as though the power we’ve given her may be corrupting. Not to mention, being a good girl on TV seems to be a joke now. Porsha from “Real Housewives of Atlanta” recently got condemned for refusing to go to a strip club! Not to not vote or skip church. She didn’t want to go see unclothed women reducing themselves to objects and opted to also honor her husband (nevermind the current marital situation she’s in). Meanwhile women are still calling Alicia Keys a home wrecker, while Olivia Pope gets to pop her pea coat collar on our screens every week much to our delight. Where do we draw the line?

One thing all this proves to me (besides the fact that we all need Jesus) is that entertainment, especially black entertainment, needs a balance, and to be honest, the positive alternatives are not as good. Where’s the Claire Huxtable of this generation on television? Or Whitley, Freddie, and Kim trying to understand what doing the right thing looked like in college? Come on Tyler Perry, give us somebody (without all the antics), doing something right! Then again, I wonder, would we even watch shows that weren’t filled with drama and transgressions?

In the words of Lena James (A Different World), “9-1-1 emergency, reconnect the community!”

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I once wrote of a time in my childhood that when after I became saved I went around and condemned everyone, their mothers, and their children.  My rationale was I was helping them.  But, when I got to college and promptly started wilding out, I would immediately get defensive and angry when people would confront me.   “Hey!  Don’t judge me!  You don’t have a Heaven or Hell to put anyone in!  You’re not perfect either!”  Being able to experience that moment of, “is this how I was making people feel when I was yelling at them for their mistakes?!” made me cool down on judging anyone.  I’m not perfect, and I know that I can’t demand perfection from others when I want people to give me a break when I mess up.  But, I believe there’s something that we need to address.  Now, remember, if you do this, I’m not judging you, but, let’s have a transparency moment.

I don’t want to sound judgmental, but… what’s wrong with some of y’all?  I’m talking about the people who will downgrade others for every mistake they make while they make the exact same ones.  I guess it’s like the Ratchet Girl Anthem.  A song where the girls are judging women for what they’re wearing, saying, and doing, not realizing that they’re pinpointing themselves.  I just… I just don’t understand the rationale for this type of behavior.

Like, is it self-esteem issues?  You hate the person you’re judging because you have a subconscious anger toward yourself for struggling with the same issues they do?  If so, instead of judging the other person and telling them how they’re failing in life, try to improve your own and be a support system while your friend/family member/partner is trying to improve themselves.  One of the best ways to help someone is to be a source of inspiration with your own actions.

Is it a sense of pride?  Are your glasses so rose colored that you feel as though your entire being is consumed by perfection and everyone else is flawed?  If so, I can understand that.  I sometimes find myself in denial about how short I am.  It’s not until someone takes a picture of me with my tall/average height friends that make me realize:  ”Oh wow… I’m really short.”  So maybe having a moment to step outside of yourself when you’re judging others and begin to think of times when you did the exact same thing in the past (or for some, the present, and possibly the future) to think about how you would feel if someone went in on you the same way?

Now, I’m not saying that you have to turn a blind eye to every discretion someone does by thinking:  ”I wouldn’t want anyone to judge me.”  Sometimes people need help, and people need to hear the truth.  But, if you’re yelling at someone for stealing, and you’re wearing the jacket that your best friend didn’t realize you conveniently “borrowed” from her closet and have no intention of giving it back to her, then yeah there’s a problem.

We will never be perfect people because we are incredibly flawed beings.  So, what I’m trying to get at is, on your way to becoming the best person you can be, instead of openly dissing someone for something that you also do remember that you have no Heaven or Hell to put someone in either.  Rather than judging, help others, while also helping yourself.

Kendra Koger still has problems coming to terms with her height.  Remind her she’s short on twitter:  @kkoger. 

Source: motownwriters.wordpress.com

I’m willing to bet that at some point in your life, you’ve crossed paths with someone who makes you feel like you’re going to hell with gasoline draws. It may be an over-zealous religious co-worker with post-it bible verses plastered all over her desktop or the auntie you have who makes you feel like a jezebel for living in sin with your boyfriend (although she met her ex-convict boyfriend in the club during her former days of fornication). There’s always someone ready to rep for Jesus and place judgment on how you choose to live your life. I’m all for faith and the freedom to worship as you please, but it becomes a problem when you try to force your beliefs on others.

Despite whatever opinions I may have about religion or what higher power I choose to serve, I know I’m not the only who has at least one person in their life that takes their faith a bit too far. By all means, this article isn’t for those that take their faith seriously and make every effort to walk in the way of Christ without offending others, but the hypocrites who only call on the Holy Ghost when it’s convenient. You know, those people that have a bible verse that applies to any dilemma you’re going through when sometimes all you need is a listening ear. Or the one who thinks if they just sit back and pray, Jesus will solve all of their problems with little to no effort on their part. I’m aware that many people consider themselves to be simply spreading the good word, but it never ceases to amaze me how people can take scriptures and belief systems and use them to alienate, manipulate others just so they can further their own selfish agenda or make themselves feel better about their own lives (and most of the time they aren’t as innocent as they appear). Most people can balance whatever good word they choose to follow with being respectful of others, but there’s always that one that does a little too much.

Source: inquisitr.com

Being true to your word is one of the most powerful principles out there. Unfortunately, many of us have trouble staying consistent. Celebrities are no different. The ones that are consistent are truly powerful role models who inspire our own dignified paths. But the ones who aren’t demonstrate what we’re trying to avoid. Check out the list and see if you agree.

Dear Very Smart Brotha,

I’m dating a man that is wonderful, he’s romantic, thoughtful, respectful etc. He also has very strong values/morals regarding marriage and doesn’t believe in divorce. Well, I have known that about him since I first met him and it’s one of the things I love most, but come to find out not long before him and I got together he was having an affair with a married woman. It’s hypocritical for him to live his life claiming he believes marriage is sacred yet he was sleeping with a married woman. From a male perspective how do you view other men that sleep with married women? He holds marriage values very strongly and always gets upset when he hears of other people that don’t take marriage seriously yet here he was doing the same thing. He’s had these values for as long as I’ve known him, so he knowingly slept with a married woman in spite of his morals and values. This makes me question his integrity all together and wonder what it would take for him to go against his values when it comes to his own marriage when he was so easily convinced to go against them with another person’s marriage. Also, is this a behavior that can just be overlooked? It’s very hard for me to understand justifying sleeping with a married person no matter what the circumstance.

Sincerely,

Mating With a (possible) Moral Midget

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