All Articles Tagged "distractions"
From Video Games To Nonstop Text Messages, What I Learned From Dating Guys Too Attached To Their Toys
Everyone seems to have their vices that can sidetrack their dating life, whether it’s work, the cell phone or other friends. For some men, it seems like their attention span goes to only one thing in their life at a time, which could be the distraction that strains your connection with him.
The pressures of dating a guy who is constantly distracted by the littlest, useless things (if you ask me), like video games, their cell phone, etc., could say a lot about him at that moment in his life. Take college life as a first example. Dating in college is a whole other ballgame in itself, with its own rules and playing field, but the pressure to feel like you are competing with video games, parties and constant drinking (and possibly drug use) lets off some red flags.
In college, I dated the typical guys who were sometimes just as busy and involved as I was: taking classes, working part-time for the school and heavily involved in extracurricular activities. Even though a lot of those responsibilities took up a lot of my time, I still made time to party and have downtime, just like any college student does. Dating in college when downtime for most guys consists of parties and sitting on the couch all day playing on their Playstation (oh, excuse me, Xbox) can be very trying on the relationship, especially when most of their attention and motivation goes to those “side distractions.” On a more positive note, college can definitely weed out the “real-world” weak from the strong, doing the hard work for you when it comes to dragging that relationship past undergrad and being disappointed when nothing has changed but the video games.
Once I got out into the “real-world” after college, where my career and professional growth became one of my main priorities, I thought that it would be easier to find a guy who isn’t distracted by the menial things, but instead of video games and parties, it was the cell phone and social networking that became the elephant in the room of dating. From answering the phone in the middle of a conversation to checking Twitter, texts and emails all day, the cell phone became the new “video game” in my new “grown-up” dating life. Some were too busy being distracted by every notification on their phone, that a valuable connection only seemed to happen via phone, DM or email, and personal time only occurred between the late-night hours.
From cell phones, to video games, to other friends, distractions seem to plague the dating world in some form or another, but I do not believe all is lost for the attention span of some men. With a healthy balance of work and play, I believe some distractions could be beneficial and not destructive to a relationship, like focusing on a growing career or business (better than a guy not being motivated, not working but still spending a great deal of time on those video games). As I look to find that balance, I hope to find the man who can put his distractions and “toys” aside sometimes to grow up and grow old with me.
What types of distractions are you noticing that men you date have in their lives?
Blair Bedford is a media professional and freelance writer/contributor based out of NYC. Follow Blair B. on Twitter @BlairsPadandPen.
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Spending eight hours a day at work comes with certain compromises: putting other obligations on the shelf, leaving personal issues at home for the day and keeping your focus on the task at hand. For some of us, eight hours of shelving our lives could be problematic, especially when you are keeping up with the kids in case of emergencies, keeping current with the antics of your friends on Facebook and Twitter (or that of your favorite black women’s website *winks*) and looking for your next job opportunity.
As a businesswoman, it’s difficult when our lives and our daily concerns have to take a backseat, but it is necessary at times to get the job done. Keep in mind that these few things should not occupy your time and energy while at work. They could ultimately do more harm to your career than good:
If other inner-city school districts are anything like the one I witness several days out of the week, it’s understandable why many parents are opting out of the education system completely for an opportunity to educate their children a variety of curriculum in the safety of their own home. More students are in the hallways than in the classroom nowadays (and that’s if they even bother coming to school at all). Political power plays leave educators and supporting staff who are actually invested in students unmotivated, powerless and in the worst case, jobless. Confusion and competition at the top of the education chain leads to a chaotic learning environment where students often fall at the losing end.
In my own childhood I had the chance to be both a student of a catholic school for 10 years (grades Pre-K to eight) and a high school student at a small magnet school in Philadelphia whose curriculum focused on college preparation and world relations. I often take for granted the advantage that having a solid, well-rounded basic education gave me. As a parent, you’d like to believe that everyday you’re sending your child to a place where for seven to eight hours a day they’re gaining the skills necessary to be critical thinkers and competitive players in the real world. Unfortunately, with all of the stories of sexual assault and molestation, violence and bullying, I often wonder how much learning is actually being achieved. We all know that children thrive on routine and structure, so I’m also troubled by the idea that many children who are already coming from unstable family situations can no longer find security and safety in the “typical school day.”
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(Fast Company) — Distractions at work are nothing new. Francesco Petrarca (Petrarch) wrote about strategies for dealing with work distractions way back in the 1300s. In his Life of Solitude, Petrarch offers the following advice for the medieval scholar: “Close the doors of your senses in order to achieve solitude in the presence of other people.” Today, you will find many people doing exactly that in coffee shops and other public places. Yet distractions have gotten worse, much worse, in fact, and technology is largely to blame. As late as the 1960s, the only piece of technology on a worker’s desk was a telephone (and maybe a typewriter). Contrast that with today’s collage of desktop computer, notebook computer, voice over IP (video) phone, smartphone, iPod, iPad, and other devices. Each one of these electronic “servants” vie for the attention of its master with beeping alerts, trendy ringtones, and flashing screens. This army of devices is overloading us with information, and we battle to keep up.