Surprising Ways You’re Hurting His Feelings

December 15, 2011  |  

"Man crying"

I know we’re trained to believe women are more sensitive than men. It’s partially true, and it partially just looks that way because a) men are taught to suck it up and b) men don’t like confrontation, so they don’t always tell you when you’ve hurt their feelings. But you probably have, if you’ve done this:

"Black man at computer"

Dismiss his work:

A man’s work is a large part of who he is. Men are providers by nature. Maybe it doesn’t seem like he is aspiring for much right now. Maybe he is just starting out in his work. But if you poke fun at his job, or just don’t ask him about it at all, that offends his manhood big time. If men are meant to be providers, and you’re criticizing the thing that makes him a provider, then you’re saying he isn’t totally a man.

 "Woman giving man massage"

The shoulder tap during sex:

Women are conscious of whether or not they give good head, and so are men. Even if it’s not something that turns you on that much, let him get down there and show you what he’s got. Don’t squirm around, and don’t give him the shoulder tap, signaling him to come up. He will feel incompetent in bed.

"Woman flirting"

Not introducing him:

You may run into an old friend—a male friend—while out with your boyfriend, who you are so excited to catch up with, that you dive directly into conversation, forgetting to introduce your silent boyfriend at your side. It may seem harmless to you, but your guy will feel like a total tool if his woman just gets to chat away with another man, and act as if he isn’t there.

"Woman fixing car" 

Not letting him help in front of others:

I know—you can do it yourself. You can fix the car yourself, or reach the top shelf, or clean the dishes. And if you tell your boyfriend that—I don’t need your help—he isn’t going to push it. But if this happens in front of your friends or parents, they subconsciously read him as a little lazy. Give him the chance to help, even if you don’t need it.

"Man sitting on bench"

Cancelling at the last minute:

Men are more spontaneous than women. We often get annoyed because they don’t ask us to hang out until twenty minutes before they want to do so. So, we figure, what’s the harm in cancelling at the last minute on the dinner he planned for us? The problem is that he finally tried to break his no-plans-pattern and make a plan, and you squashed that plan. Any time a guy makes a change for his woman, he puts his balls in her hands a little bit. If you don’t recognize that change, you’re busting his balls.

"Girlfriends laughing"

Joking about his generosity:

It can be fun to tease our boyfriends for being lazy, or joke about every anniversary and birthday they have forgotten. You may not even be upset about these incidents, but your friends don’t know that. If you constantly joke about your boyfriend being a bad boyfriend in front of friends or family, they might actually begin to think he is one. And he will worry about that.

"Black man looking in mirror"

Teasing his looks:

Let the point be made loud and clear—MEN HAVE BODY ISSUES TOO! Don’t poke the beer belly he is grown since you got together. Don’t make “fat*ss” jokes when he grabs a doughnut. Of course men want to look good too! Aside from being your sweet, funny, smart boyfriend, he wants to feel like you want to jump his bones sometimes. He won’t feel that way if you’ve given him some nickname like Jelly Belly.

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  • Mail

    With all the cases of rape and domestic violence in our society, you think once in a while we can get articles that tell men about the “surprising” ways they hurt women?  I love the countless articles and blog posts that instruct women on how to treat men yet so many of them refuse to learn how to treat us. 

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  • Lady Belle

    Hopefully you mean don’t shoulder tap during sex, but still discuss your lack of pleasure because… that one just didn’t make sense if not..

  • LOL I told a guy his face was turning me off over the webcam and can he call me instead because his acne was getting worse. boyyyy i tell you as soon as he called me curse me out for being insensitive. oh well

  • THarris

    LMAO@ “the shoulder tap”. Reminds me of that skit on Dave Chappelle with the “Rap it up” signal. It was a box that lit up with those very words, that told a person when to hurry up and end whatever they were doing. 

  • N1

    Off topc, them legs on number 5 look a little too hairy, them legs look strong, I don’t know any woman that would be under a car with her legs spread like it is nothing and that hand looks like a mans hand. Where y’all get that picture from?

    On topic, stop hurting our feelings when we care and consider yours.  Don’t want to know what I can’t do or afford when I already know it.

  • Bhfkjhfjhwjhsa

    Another great, INFORMATIVE article from jaustin. Taking the obvious and using a title like “7 things men are ACTUALLY sensitive about” to entice the readers into thinking you’re telling them something they DON’T already know! That must take a LOT of talent and hard work. How long did it take you to write this, 5, 10 minutes?

  • Guest

    # 5 is the truth. I’ve worked with and been around tons of ladies who go to far left with the independent woman I don’t need a man for isshhh” line. It’s a corny line. And almost 100% percent of the time, if you do this in front of others, the others WILL assume the guy is lazy. When you say you don’t need help they guy is going to say okay. But don’t play the victim to your own words. Although some men are sensitive to a women’s needs. MEN DO NOT THINK LIKE WOMEN! You will be in your grave waiting for that to happen. LOL.  I know women are smart and educated, but that does not mean to completely negate the opposite sex. As Kwana said, RESPECT IS KEY!!! From both parties. And believe it or not there are still women that do not understand that. IJS. 

  • Kwana Royal

    This list is somewhat juvenile, if any grown woman does not know that respect, consideration and thoughtfulness are key ingredients, along with letting it be known and making your man feel needed. IDK what to tell you.
    I have a problem with advising women to allow men to perform a sexual acts on them whether they like it not though pump the brakes cause. thats where that discovery conversation and open lines of communication clears all that up, likes, dislikes, things you’d both like to try etc

    • guess

      Great answer….don’t forget honsety and behaving with integrity