Y’all have one of those friends. She’s the one always missing planned girls night outs to spend time with her man or waits by the phone (for days) anticipating his call. If you don’t have this friend, you may be her. And in some small way we’ve all been there. So blindly infatuated that we don’t see the bold truth: He’s not into you!
Last year, Jennifer Aniston and Ben Affleck were in a movie that grossed $27 million that said it plainly. Many of us laughed as “Gigi”, played by Ginnifer Goodwin, acted like a fool to gain the attention of men who could care less about her in He’s Just Not that Into You.
It’s the worst thing to have feelings for someone when they don’t care for you. What’s worse though, is wasting time. Retreating to “what-if’s “and “maybes” all deviate from the reality that you’re with someone who is not going to commit. A lot of men date women they so harshly referred to as “place holders”. These women serve their namesake, being the ones they’re with until they’re ready for Miss. Right.
At face value it makes sense– enjoy the company of a nice young lady, until wifey comes along. Then drop the old girl like a hot potato. But for the millions of unsuspecting women holding someone else’s place, this is painful reality. In her mind she’s thinking: The wait will be worth it. He’ll change, grow up, be ready to commit, it’s not healthy to put a timetable on a man. Who wants to be rushed?
But at a certain point, he knows if you’re the one or not.
You ever date a guy who was very childish and had commitment issues, but a couple months after you breakup he’s engaged to someone else? Psychologist Alon Gratch PhD says “being ready” for a man is a combination of the right woman and the right time.
“In my 25 years of experience, working with men as a relationship therapist, it’s 49 percent the right woman, 51 percent his readiness to commit,” said the author of If Men Could Talk. “Of course, even if a guy is ready to walk down the aisle, he still needs to find the right person. But he is more likely to meet her once he’s in that marrying state of mind.”
Here are some easy clues to know your relationship may not last forever:
1. He remembers very little about you.
2. You haven’t met any of his friends or family…and it’s been several months.
3. He’s not in regular communication with you (unless he’s off fighting a war).
4. The subject of marriage is always ignored, deflected or rejected.
5. He doesn’t accept your small imperfections.
6. He hasn’t made any adjustments, sacrifices or changes for you.
Next time you’re thinking, “He must be too busy to call” or “Maybe he’s waiting on the right time to introduce me to his friends,” check this list. May save you some time and heartache.