Ask The Luv Coach: “I’m in Love With Him, But He’s Homeless”

October 31st, 2011 - By Alexis Garrett Stodghill

The Luv Coach: Would You Date a Homeless Man?

This week, Coach Rebecca Brody helps a reader determine how her potential lover really feels about her despite his dire circumstances. Read on and weigh in.

Dear Luv Coach,

I have a very complicated love issue. I have been sexually involved with a man named *z*. We have been “friends with benefits” since April of this year. We are also members of the same church! Shocking huh? Anyways, we have excellent chemistry together with or without the sex. I would love to pursue a relationship with him and he with me (at least that’s what I think) but he is homeless and I don’t think a relationship is on his mind.

I hate seeing him out there like that and I will do anything for him just to keep him afloat. That’s just how much I love him. I guess my question is… How do I decipher if I am someone that he desires just to get by in this phase in his life or am I really someone that he truly cares about or really loves? Am I just playing myself short?

Please help me!!

-Necarrus

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  • Offthepink

    Too many sisters mess around and have babies with dudes who have NOTHING of their own and are basically homeless (until they can find a girl dumb enough to take them in), and pretend to be so holy while preying on female church members. Don’t fall for it. I used to work with a guy like that. Called him “The Freakin’ Deacon”…cuz he was freaking every woman who gave him a glance. He’d talk about god, and sing his favorite songs to them to seranade them, and they’d fall for it like idiots. Then he’d hit it, and keep their number handy for a rainy day, or when he wanted to nail that particular woman again. They are not faithful. They go behind your back with other women, and once you dump them, they’re living with Sherika down the block THAT evening and seeing as many as 3 women behind HER back.. They keep a string of booty/homes on supply so they have someplace to go get food, sex and housing once their current girlfriend dumps them. And not surprisingly, they leave a string of kids behind them as well.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ash-Iman/663018948 Ash Iman

    I totally agree with this. I have to remind myself all the time that I’m not my boyfriend’s mother. When he comes home upset over a hard project I really just want to fix it but I know that wouldn’t make anything better. He needs to handle it on his own, he wants my help he’ll ask for it.

  • sasja

    Can't you be there for him just as a friend?.Wait untill he pulls him self up& get a house or a job!.Isn't the church helping this man with a shelter or other solutions too fix his situation?.Don't give up on this man..but only as a friend, thats all he needs i think right now.

  • bittie

    When your idea of cooking up a meal for your man means volunteering at the soup kitchen…you miiight have a problem. But seriously, I lived next door to a woman whose boyfriend was "residentially challenged" and he would yell at her for getting home too late b/c it meant he had to walk around the block for an hour, waiting for her. That meant he had no where to go…sad situation. Don't be a crutch. Let your man get on his feet and earn the pride of having his own place before moving forward with a relationship. Otherwise, you may find yourself hurt when he gets back on his feet and dumps you. Why? Because he won't want to be w/the type of woman who would date a homeless guy! Now how's that for a slap in the face!

  • MeMe

    You don't sound "intelligent." Your spelling and grammar is awful and there's no need to be so judgemental.

    • 614MFT

      But how do you know he's a bum? Granted, she's not making wise choices at all, but I didn't read that he was unemployed. He could be a professional or otherwise employed individual that lost their home to foreclosure. It's happening a lot in this economy w/downsizing, etc. He doesn't have to have HIV and such just b/c he's in a low place. She just needs to leave him be until he gets himself together & decides he wants to wife her (which he ain't.)

      • Jimmy Swaggered

        Oh believe me… he's a bum alright.

    • https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001331875734 Ambi Victoria

      Truth hurts.

  • Smdh

    I have a friend who is homeless. He's been homeless for over a yr & is doing little to change his situation. At first I sympathized with him b/c he has had a hard life, but then he started doing dumb s*** that I just couldn't make sense of. Exp: One day he called & asked me if I wanted to come outside & smoke a blunt w/ him, & in the same conversation asked me for $10 (u just smoked it gtfoh)! Then he got in a relationship w/ a girl who's situation isn't much better & she got pregnant. Now they both call me tryna sleep on my couch & I just can"t! I try to help by encouraging him to go back to school & I always keep an eye open for job opportunities but he seems to be uninterested. I guess he's comfortable playing the "victim" role. He was in enough trouble alone, he should have focused on improving himself before he brought another life into this world. My advice is keep some distance until he gets it together! At this point his only focus should be self improvement.

    • Smdh

      Btw I never dated this person, we've just been friends for many years. He wanted to pursue a relationship when we first met, but I shut that down right away. He wasn't homeless back then, but has always been unstable.

    • Truth

      Great advice and without the judgment might I add. If he's really about you and a relationship, he'll be on track to fixing his current situation without much of your help. I'll be praying for your friend and his child, also. You're right you can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves. It's hard to watch someone you care for unravel, but if they're as great as you think; they'll get it together eventually. Distance will give them both the perspective they need.

  • Nene

    There diff degrees of homeless…is he livin wit his sister or in a shelter???

  • JustAshley

    " We are friends with benefits members of the same church"…..
    *
    [blank stare] Its about all I can manage. SMH

    • womenar4

      That got me too. Really??? Wow.

    • Guest

      Lol. Apparently, church ain't what it used to be.

  • Jennie

    Girl, let this man get himself together! If you want to his woman and not his momma, you'll let him figure this out.

    • efox

      I agree. He is no condition to be conducting any relationship. Even if she isn't being used for shelter, she is certainly being used for sex. Let this man be a man and put things in perspective. If he is truly homeless, then let him focus his energies on acquiring housing. BTW, is the church helping him or did I gloss over that part?