By Patricia Elie
Whoever said that friendships are easy lied. A relationship with a spouse, partner or co-worker takes work. So why would a friendship be treated any differently? Don’t get me wrong; some friendships are easygoing and lack the cattiness that some women face when dealing with a messy situation with a so-called ‘friend’. But sometimes friends do some things, or better yet, do nothing, and their actions make you question their loyalty.
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What if you overheard someone talking about your girlfriend behind her back? Would you simply walk away, sit and entertain the gossip or listen and report back to your girlfriend? Would you shut the conversation down? I ask because it amazes me when I watch reality shows and see women allowing other people to tarnish the character of those who are supposed to be their friends. Maybe it’s a thing of the past to believe that your friend will have your back. I hope that’s not the case. Because in my world, my inner circle consists of friends who are not just people I call to hang out with, but they’re also my advocates, supporters and number one fans cheering for me to win in every situation.
Let’s say you’re talking among your co-workers and they begin to talk about the newly appointed vice president of your company. They insinuate that Ms. VP slept her way to the top. Unbeknownst to them, Ms. VP is one of your closest friends. You know your girlfriend’s work ethic and know for a fact that she legitimately earned her new role. Still, you say nothing.
I understand that defending your friend or spilling the true tea may create drama, but saying nothing can also be construed as questionable behavior. If you know that a statement is untruthful, I am of the belief that you should squash the story as soon as you hear it. It’s girl code to always have your friend’s back and to at least make an attempt to defend them and their character when they’re unable to be present to defend themselves. That means when you hear someone making disparaging remarks about your friend, you should not only defend her but also inform her of the incident. If you say nothing, it gives everyone the impression that you feel the same way about the person being disrespected, or you find the less than positive comments about them entertaining. Doing something (at the least, saying, “That’s my friend and it’s not ok to talk about her when she can’t defend herself) is better than doing a whole lot of nothing.
I can’t imagine someone throwing my name in the mud in front of my friend and finding out that person said nothing, or worse, participated in the gossip about me. I would wonder if she was truly my friend or just a poser. Everyone wants to be surrounded by good people whom they can rely on and friendships are supposed to be centered on trust, honesty and loyalty. Why have friends if they don’t have your back?
Patricia Elie is the creator and writer of “Unspoken Web Series,” a dramedy about five fabulously single life-long girlfriends from college who seem to break all the rules of friendship. Subscribe and Watch “Unspoken Web Series.”
