What People Say When You And Your Man Don’t Want To Get Married
If you’re single and you say you don’t want to get married, your friends and family may accept that. (And even then, they’re skeptical.) But if you’re in a committed relationship with someone you live with and have been seeing for years, it’s a bit harder for the people in your life to accept the fact that the two of you don’t want to get married. They feel like all of the pieces are there, so why not complete the puzzle? But you already feel that the puzzle is completed; you don’t need an expensive wedding, a piece of paper and a piece of jewelry to seal it. As a committed couple, it can feel like the world is watching you, waiting for somebody to pop the question. Here are things people say when you and your partner don’t want to get married.
If he loves you, he’ll commit to you
He has committed to you! He signed a lease with you, moved all of his things into your shared home, got a dog with you, became very close with your family…a piece of paper doesn’t make any of that more real. In fact, doing all of that is much more difficult than signing papers. Anybody can get married; not anybody can live happily under the same roof for years.
If you loved him, you’d want to marry him
Some people will assume you just haven’t found the right person, and that’s why you’re not married. This is a maddening assumption because you love your boo so much and you know he’s your one and only. Also, you are more loving and affectionate with him than many married women are with their husbands.
Don’t you want a ring?
Sure, and you have plenty! You have necklaces, earrings, and bracelets, too. The world of accessories expands beyond wedding rings. And you’d rather your partner dropped 5K on a trip to Europe for the two of you than a ring.
Don’t you want a big party?
You love big parties! And you and your boo plan on throwing many of them. You don’t need to limit yourself to just a wedding to have a party. In fact, you’d rather keep partying with your friends regularly than throw a wedding and see that as an excuse to become hermits afterward.
Don’t you want to profess your love in front of everyone?
You don’t really feel the need to put on a show for everyone to prove your love to your partner—this is between you and him. Besides, everyone in your life already knows how much you and your boo love each other based on, oh, I don’t know, the way you spend your lives together.
Aren’t you worried you won’t stay together?
Because a marriage guarantees you will? Have you seen divorce rates recently?
I’ll plan your wedding for you; just show up!
Some people just can’t handle the concept of a couple being together forever and not getting married. It’s almost like a major pet peeve of theirs and they must fix it! You’ll have friends who attempt to plan your wedding without your consent.
You’re just trying to be different
You aren’t choosing not to get married as some protest against the norm. Even if nobody in the world got married, you still wouldn’t want to get married. Again, you don’t care about making some statement—whether that’s by walking down the aisle or not walking down it.
Don’t let fear stand in your way
You’re not afraid of getting married; you aren’t trying to avoid something. You just aren’t pursuing something that you don’t feel drawn to.
What if you want to have kids?
Then you’ll have them! What century is this for goodness sake? That you’d be judged if you had kids and weren’t married? Since when did paperwork make for good parenting?
What if you split? Who gets what?
A couple can still use lawyers, draw up some contracts and make arrangements for who would get what if they split up. They would just be lucky that they didn’t have to add divorce paper to the process.
You’re practically already married, so just do it
Exactly: you are already very in love, committed to each other and building a life together. This person just made your point: there’s no need to get married.
Are you swingers or something?
No. You aren’t into some alternative lifestyle or trying to keep your options open or in an open relationship. Monogamy and marriage don’t only exist together.
You’ll come around
As if it is a problem that you don’t want to get married. As if you just have some growing up to do. This comment is honestly a bit insulting because it implies you aren’t capable of making the right decisions for yourself.
Aren’t you afraid people won’t take you seriously?
Anybody who doesn’t take your relationship seriously just because you aren’t married isn’t someone you want to be friends with. Meanwhile, people take unhappy couples seriously, because they wear wedding bands? Come on now.