I recently went to Macy’s to get my engagement ring resized and cleaned. To ensure that I could do so for the low (as in free), I asked my husband if he still had any paperwork confirming the insurance for the ring. When he gave me what he had, I just folded it up and put it in my bag. It wasn’t until I actually was in the store dealing with an associate that I noticed the paperwork had information on the cost of the ring. I wondered in that moment if my husband would have been comfortable with the idea of me knowing how much he paid for it.
Considering that many men spend a paycheck or two on a ring, it may not matter to them if their fiancée finds out. But what happens if they paid very little for it?
With that in mind, I wondered if anyone ever found themselves in a situation where they learned that their fiancé or husband spent considerably less than expected on an engagement ring. What I found was this very interesting story from a column in the UK’s Telegraph:
My boyfriend recently proposed to me. He did it in a very beautiful and romantic way. The ring was also very lovely and I asked him more about it. He said he got it online. I couldn’t shake the feeling there was something wrong so I searched online and found it cost less than £100. I know money shouldn’t matter, but I was gutted.
I would understand if that were all he could afford, but that is less money than he makes in a day. Now I don’t like wearing it because it makes me feel like we are not really engaged, like he takes me for granted. He didn’t ask my dad before he proposed. He didn’t get down on one knee. He bought the cheapest possible ring. Why doesn’t he care about me?
In case you were wondering, £100 equates to around $125. According to The Knot’s Real Weddings Study, the average cost of an engagement ring is actually pretty high these days, coming in at around $6,163. But for most people, the highest cost for an engagement ring is over $5,000. The lowest? $125.
Yikes.
Look, I understand the whole idea of people buying what they can honestly afford, but as the fiancée noted, he makes more than $125 in a day. And while one might say that describing your feelings as “gutted” after learning that the ring your future husband bought for you, to marry you, is what’s really petty, that’s a cop-out.
Outside of the cost issue, it’s interesting that her fiancé did what was most convenient for him in every way. As she pointed out, he didn’t talk to her father before he asked for her hand. When he proposed, he didn’t get down on his knee. And the fact that he only paid $125 for the engagement ring tells me that he didn’t contact a friend or family member of hers to get their advice on what she would like. Hell, it sounds like he didn’t even really talk to her about her taste in rings beforehand.
Maybe, just maybe, if the ring was designed in a way that she loves, if it’s very unique, or it just happens to be vintage, then that could explain the cost. Perhaps he saw it, and to him, it had her name all over it. But considering that this woman wasn’t told that there was anything special about the ring by her fiancé, it sounds like he just really perused around online until he found something decent in appearance but more attractive in price. Despite the fact that he proposed, which is sweet, I get the impression that he may have treated this whole pop the question thing in a let-me-hurry-up-and-get-this-done-so-she-can-stop-asking-me-when-we’re-getting-married way.
But if I’m being honest, she’s not living 100 percent right either. I do think it’s also interesting that she seemed so intent on finding out where he got the ring from and how much it cost. That pretty much says that she trusts him to cut corners and not do things the right way. And the fact that she was happy with the ring before her gut told her something might be off with it also says a lot. Even the fact that she’s now upset about him not getting down on one knee but literally started her story with “My boyfriend recently proposed to me. He did it in a very beautiful and romantic way” makes me think she’s reaching for things to use to justify her anger. She found out about the cost and now she’s seeking to add up grievances in an attempt to come to the conclusion that he doesn’t care about her. He might be cheap, but to say that he doesn’t care at all? Now that’s a bit on the petty side. She needs to get out of her head.
The truth is, if the ring really makes her feel a way, she needs to tell him that it’s not her style or that she’s not comfortable with it. But, she might also want to be prepared to contribute to the costs if she wants something a lot more lavish. Truly though, she psyched herself out when it comes to this engagement, and I’m not sure if she can get back in the right frame of mind. I would encourage her to check her disgust with the situation (because who says engagement rings always have to be in a certain price tier?) and focus more on enjoying this very special moment. Or, instead of worrying about ring prices, she could confront him about the fact that she assumes the worst of him and he always seems to prove her right before they even think about saying “I do”…
But as always, that’s just my opinion. What say you? Is it petty for her to feel a way about the cost of the engagement ring? Or is it petty that he spent $125 on it?
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