Stereotypes About Women With Divorced Parents That Just Aren’t True
Having your parents go through a divorce, especially if the events leading up to that divorce involved infidelity or any type of abuse, will do a number on a person’s psyche. But, as a child of divorced parents, I can say that people seem to think that that particular experience is one that people just don’t get over. People believe that a person can work through issues related to almost any other upsetting or traumatic event but divorce? No chance. I’m here to tell you that belief is simply not true, and quite frustrating. With enough personal work, reflection and therapy, a person can get on in life and have perfectly healthy relationships, even if their parents had an ugly and turbulent divorce. Not all women from broken families are “broken.” Here are stereotypes women of divorced parents hate.
We are needy
As a matter of fact, the divorce of our parents makes many of us realize just how important it is to be happy all by ourselves before delving into a relationship. That is exactly why we can be some of the least needy women to date.
We hate men
Maybe for a short period after our parent’s divorce we feel some anger towards men, but any mature, well-adjusted woman can separate her father from the rest of mankind. In fact, many women of divorced men are especially good at finding and appreciating kind and thoughtful men because they know how to spot men who aren’t that way.
We have “turned gay”
We can’t just change our sexuality. And furthermore, our sexuality or drive for sex is not at all as deeply affected by the divorce of our parents as people think.
We are financially needy
Some people believe if a woman loses the financial support of her father after her parent’s divorce, she forever looks for a wealthy man who can essentially become her “father.” In reality, many of us saw how our mother’s worlds were shaken after divorce, we never want to be in that situation, and make certain to be financially independent.
Or refuse to accept financial help
There is the reverse stereotype that assumes women of divorced parents are remarkably stubborn when it comes to money and refuse to let men pay for anything. Just because we aim to be financially independent doesn’t mean we can’t accept a kind gesture.
We seek the approval of others
Newsflash: a lot of people do not and did not care what their parents thought about them, even when their marriage was going perfectly well. That doesn’t change just because of their parents’ divorce.
We’re eager for any male attention
We are just as bothered by unsolicited cat calling, flirting, touching or sexual comments as any other woman. Just because our parents are divorcees hasn’t made us forget the general truth that male attention is very easy to get—we aren’t eager for it.
We aim to please in bed
This is the disgusting stereotype that if we somehow please our partners sexually, we will win back our father’s attention. Honestly, never crossed our minds. If it crossed yours, you might be the one who needs help.
We don’t want to get married
We know that the institution of marriage didn’t ruin our parents—the fact that two incompatible people got married ruined our parents. Maybe the fact that one person didn’t do enough personal growth before binding their life to another’s caused the divorce. But marriage in and of itself didn’t cause it.
We don’t want children
Sure we do! In fact, many of us learn a lot about what it means to be good teammates by avoiding our parents’ mistakes. And many of us would love to provide a warm, loving home to children.
Everything we do is because our parents split up
Is everything you do because of that one upsetting event in your life? Well, if you had the courage to go to therapy and make sure your traumas don’t define you, then no—it shouldn’t be. Many children of divorcees do a lot of personal work to ensure the event doesn’t define them.
Breakups devastate us
No, we don’t feel like our breakups are our parents’ divorce all over again. No, we don’t think every relationship is going to be the one that results in marriage. We know breakups happen, and we take them about the same way any woman does.
We can’t commit to a relationship
We do, in fact, learn that not every relationship is going to end in a breakup. We know that every person we meet is an individual, and not bound to behave like our parents did. We can judge things case by case.
We can’t commit to anything
Some people think women with divorced parents are flighty individuals who cannot keep a home or an apartment. A lot of us, actually, learn the value of a stable, grounded life (unlike the one we had as children) and pursue one better than most.
We are emotionally stunted
Actually, many of us are more emotionally mature than people who never went through anything upsetting, shocking or life-changing. The divorce of our parents drove us to analyze human behavior and relationships.
We all want to date older men
Of course—to replace our fathers, right? Just because our parents are divorced doesn’t mean that we are suddenly attracted to men who are already researching their retirement communities.
We all want to date married men
We would never want to do anything that would destroy a marriage—we are particularly sensitive to this issue. The suggestion we would date a married man offends us more than most.
We are cynical
As a survival technique, we actually learned to see the beauty in life and to deeply cherish the people we can depend on. We can be some of the most positive, uplifting people you meet.
We don’t make good friends
Because we just don’t like to get close to people, right? As a matter of fact, we seek to provide a close and loving family through our friends because our biological families broke up.
We all develop eating disorders
Most women struggle with some form of disordered eating at some point in their life. This includes women who don’t have divorced parents.