Does Your Hair Play a Part in the Way Men Approach You?

October 12th, 2011 - By MN Editor

Is it just me, or does natural hair force men to find a new way to “holler” at women?

Of course, this isn’t a short PSA on the benefits of having natural hair. Be sure to stick to with what works for and looks good on you ladies. But honestly, I’ve noticed that when you’re sporting whatever your definition of natural hair is, the same old “Mack daddy” lines don’t seem to be good enough for some brothas to use anymore. And I know I’m not the only one who has noticed.

While talking to a fellow writer I recently met about her beautiful dreadlocks–locks she says she put in herself–the conversation turned to her encounters with men since she decided to change her hair. She said, “It’s funny. It’s like the dynamics of how men approach you are totally different.” She later went on to tell me that a lot of the compliments she received from men would start with her hair, and a few men had tried to call her “goddess” of all things because of her locks. While she was somewhat flattered, it was still kind of weird to her. She had a point.

Just that day on my way to the train, a guy walking with who I originally thought to be his girlfriend, broke out of a conversation with her to turn around and say to me: “I like that ‘fro, it’s beautiful.” Startled, since I was trying to figure out what the hell was going on with my BlackBerry at the time, I just gave a weird face and simply said, “Uh, thanks.” But this happens often. Instead of using the usual, “Hey ma,” “Wait a minute, can I talk to you,” or doing that horrible kissing noise sound, I’ve heard and even noticed from a lot of my own interactions with men that natural hair becomes the focal point, and their way to get your attention. Catching you off guard in what is deemed as a positive way, they talk about your hair first so they have a better chance at selling themselves. Well played.

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  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_LMDJBVQT7URMQNBISXGOF73QTU MixedUpSiciliano

    I”m not trying to start something real, but I began growing my locks some time. As I began having the courage to wear them in public (They got longer) I noticed that men did not approach me in the same light. When I wore wigs/weaves, it was a whole different experience. Sometimes I’ll wear my locks wrapped up in a long African print scarf. Sometimes I’ll wear them out. I notice how men approach me now in comparison when I did not wear my locks and to be honest (not because of them mostly) I feel more confident. The other day I decided to throw a wig on for the hell of it when I went to dinner with girls. I felt so uncomfortable and phony. It felt disgusting. I really can’t see myself every wearing anything but my natural hair. Adios. 

  • Lady D

    Men don't care about the length of a woman's hair. They admire it if its neat and looks healthy. The secret is to be
    cute in the FACE and small in the WAIST

  • Bianca

    Thank you Maurice for that!

  • Bianca

    This is a dumb article. Clearly MN Editor, you are an idiot. Men don't like fake. They prefer natural. Stop looking at everything in such a negative way. It's a simple compliment. Say thanks and move on. Sounds like you are insecure about your hair. If you really need to question why a man is complimenting you about your natural hair, you have a problem with you.

  • MissMix

    I'm 5 yrs natural underneath my wigs and weaves and yes, I do get approached differently depending on which look I'm rocking. Hands down men prefer my weaves. Don't get me wrong, I do get complimented when I wear my natural hair, but it's very infrequent and like the author said, the compliments are more geared toward "my confidence" and they tend to sound contrived. I'm called "queen" and "sista" when I'm natural, but I'm called "cutie", "gorgeous" or "good looking" when I wear the staight weaves. *shrugs* Go figure.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=512619736 Tiana Council

    In college, I found that Black men paid me more attention when my hair was straightened. However, when my hair was natural, I didn't get the time of day lol…but now that I'm in the workforce, I get "hollered" at…but I don't think it has anything to do with my hair…

  • Talib

    As a black man I began reading this article with a slight smile and a bit of hope, but by the end I realized it was the same negative nonsense that has been spewed by our "sistas" for too long. I personally think its beautiful when black women embrace their natural selves be it with natural hair, no make up, or even a more natural clothing style. Why cant the compliment just be accepted for what it is? Why cant we appreciate the beauty in your curl or in your locks? Do me a favor and love yourself more so I can love you better.

  • MsDdre

    Something for black women to understand:

    We are constantly judged by the Eurocentric Beauty Standard, so when many of us use perms, spend money on Brazilian blowouts, and don the straight hair extensions, know that you are being judged and ranked by Eurocentric standards.

    However, when a black woman wears her hair natural, there's nothing they they can judge it on.

    It forces them to put you in a new category, as one who doesn't adhere to the Eurocentric beauty standard, and doing so in the FIERCEST way possible.

    It's something that they cannot judge, because they can't use the EBS to rank your beauty. It's something that they're not used to, thus making it rather threatening to those who like to think the negative things about a black woman's image, particularly her hair.

    Our beauty is a threat. Wear your natural hair with pride, but only if you choose to do so….

    We're beautiful and a force to be reckoned with, but only when more black women realize it will it begin to stick.

  • Fango

    i don't see how it would…
    …
    Daily Situations that Bring Out the Racist in All of Us http://goo.gl/2EZuc <too TRUE!

  • http://twitter.com/dionneclifton @dionneclifton

    I think men are just pleasantly pleased to see a woman who has gone natural. Seeing a women gloriously wearing her hair as it grows from her head may just be an affirmation in his spirit- reminding him of and reconnecting him to his own beauty.

  • Kayla

    idk i wear wigs and weaves, but I still get approached. I guess when you look at someone you can tell if that person is sincere, and im honest to god a sincere person, pleasant person to be around. it;s sort of like a vibe a person gives out, But natural hair is always beautiful. I guess it all depends on the person's vibe.

    • somethingdifferent

      she didn't say natural women are the only ones who get approached, the point of the article was women who go natural notice a difference in how they are approached…

  • Junjun

    i don't see how your hair would make men approach you a different way….:/
    …
    Apple Giving away the new iPhone in Honor of Steve Jobs Death (founder of Apple) http://goo.gl/37gBi . i just went ahead & got 2..next 24hrs ONLY! lol

  • Envied

    Great article. Interesting POV.

  • jjac401

    I agree with you Maurice – and thank you for your opinion. I have noticed that since I have cut my long permed hair off this year, I have notices that I get alot more complements. At first I was so surprised, but I think that it is because of the confidence that shines through. Mature women know that men are drawn to confidence.

  • Real le

     It is very interesting when a man – sided prospective becomes a woman’s opinion.. In and fact most of her position was societal experiments not by any conclusion she gained by deduction.. She, the writer, purposely framed the indicted, the male opposite as if he had no better intentions than to as one of the commentators posted F!/k your naps straight. But truth be told from one opinionated male to a woman with HPD ( Histrionic Personality Disorder ) men some not all have the means of determining if the woman is pursuable or if it’s a try it or fail.. The hair shows confidence and whether she’s a fad or fashion type of girl. Differentiating between a woman who can articulate individuality and expression or com form-inanity and passiveness.. We are at times deemed to the choosing of the more accessible that the best suitable. So in theory we tend to lean to a more natural doo because we may be lucky enough to get an expressionist plus a down to earth confident woman not the keep up with the jones’s think that I more than him he needs to get a life I can do bad by myself he don’t make no money he got to want something because he told me my hair look nice kind of chick. 

  • http://yahoo.com rose

    proud of my blackness and would never change my hair (natural stage) or any body oarts to look like another race, all thats does is show that they have what i want.. how insecure can these people be, but yet they are called the besuty standard in society.. gimme a break!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/XxWarriorGoddess1981xX Natasha Thomas

    I went natural back in January and ever since I have been getting hit on by men and my boyfriend loves my afro. He tells me I look more down to earth with the natural look and I'm know I look more beautiful natural. Glad to get rid of the relaxer.

  • Dogma2011

    I've worn my hair natural for almost 6 years. Yes, my hair used to affect how a man approached me,but was it flattering to me-no. Many of the men had pre-concieved notions of who I was and how I would fit into their world. I would prefer to be complimented on my face or overall look ( "You are very pretty, " for example…). There were many assumptions because of my hair. Some examples…

    Assumption: She will understand and treat her man as a king/ Fact: a brother is NOT my king. I believe in partnerships, not what a woman's place is supposed to be.

    Assumption: She is low maintenance, doesn't care that I'm broke, won't ask me for money./ Fact: I do expect you to have a job and you should pay for the dates.

    Assumption: She is down with the cause, or black muslim faith, and understands how the man is holding me back./ Fact: I am proud to be a black woman, but I'm actually Buddhist and don't care for the muslim religion, and although you may have to fight harder, only YOU can hold yourself back.

    Now, how the hell they got all this from natural hair is beyond me…

    In any NORMAL culture, hair shouldn't be at the forefront of your dating experience. When I was dating my husband I asked what he thought of my hair. He reply was, " IM A MAN, WHY AM I SUPPOSED TO BE CONCERNED ABOUT HOW YOU WEAR YOUR HAIR? ALL I KNOW IS YOU LOOK GOOD TO ME…

    I think that's how you know a man is not full of bs…

    • Alex

      LOL died at the "Now, how the hell they got all this from natural hair is beyond me…" I don't know either – but i def experienced it! even with just my genie locs – the types of brothers that were coming to me expected EXACTLY those three things! :) tell it girl!

    • Bianca

      Why did you feel the need to put all your business out there? And if a man refers to you as his Queen he expects you to refer to him as your King.

      • Guest

        "And if a man refers to you as his Queen he expects you to refer to him as your King. "

        Yeah, I don't understand her problem with that.

  • JTL

    This is silly. Women get approached for a million different reasons and the way they are approached depends on different factors. I wear my hair in all different kinds of ways, depending on my mood. Of course when I was young, I got approached with the "whats up shawty?" "hey redbone!" I was a younger woman and probably carried myself as such. Now that I'm a woman who takes no nonsense and is about her business, I get approached very differently and by a different kind of man. "Hoodboogers" although they may look, don't even approach me anymore, they don't bother b/c they know they don't stand a chance. The only men who approach me come off as gentleman and let me know they are trying to prove themselves worthy of my time.

    • dana

      Same here

    • JustAshley

      Thank you! Same here. Its often about how you carry yourself.

  • http://www.facebook.com/OneWomanShow.Hollywood Tiffany B Poppins

    Being of the 'low-boy' cut clan I have been approached in ways that I do not even want to repeat. But I do often get the 'it takes a lot of confidence' and 'your hair really compliments your face' etc. I am often flattered because I do not get compliments often and I am very cordial. Sometimes it buds a conversation and sometimes it does not. But I appreciate being recognized for being myself. My mother dislikes my hair cut, my 3 year old niece calls me boy but I could careless i love my hair, or lack there of, and one day no time soon I will grow it back.

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