Anslem “NWSO” Samuel’s Naked With Socks On is an award-winning relationship blog. Each week, NWSO will share his candid thoughts on women, love, life and all the fun stuff in between with MadameNoire.
Maybe it’s the recession and the fact that I, like everyone else, am doing a million and one things to make ends meet. But I didn’t even realize that summer officially began two weeks ago. Regardless of that fact, it wasn’t until the other day while taking a meeting in Bryant Park that I stopped to look around and revel in the bevy of beauties that get unveiled when the thermostat tops 90.
While most of you madames might think I’m some sort of woman basher based on my posts here thus far, I’m actually the farthest thing from that—honest. In fact, I decided that today I’d list all the things I love about women in the summertime. Then, I started writing and came up with a few things I’m not that fond of either. Sorry, I couldn’t resist.
SUN DRESSES
Love: There’s just something about the way sun dresses fall on the right woman’s body that can be utterly captivating. Just how the material drapes across a woman’s form, accentuating all her best physical features. I love how they can fall down a well-proportioned woman’s back, only to jut out and overflow over her lady lumps exquisitely. Yes, the sun dress is some dress indeed.
Hate: You’ll notice in the love section I specified the “right body.” That’s because the right sun dress on the wrong body is a bad look for all involved parties. Far be it for me to stop someone from staying cool in a 90-degree heat wave, but exposing knobby knees, cankles, and wide backs and butts puts a dark cloud over my sun dress daydreams every time.
TUBE TOPS
Love: I remember watching a human sexuality special last year called “The Science of Sex Appeal” that explained how men are attracted to bare skin. The more women expose, the more turned on men get. With that in mind, the bare shoulders, collar bones and Hot backs that this summertime staple unveils just drives me wild. And I have no idea why, but ever since I hit puberty I’ve always had the uncontrollable urge to just yank down a tube top to reveal its contents. Thankfully, I know better than to live out those thoughts.
Hate: As with the sun dress, a tube top can be both a gift and a curse. I won’t retread the potential issue of wide backs creating unsightly rolls here, but I will point out some women’s choice to go braless in a tube top. If your girls are not “up” to par, you’ll wind up with what one of my friends affectionately refers to as the “flapjacks effect.” I understand that not every woman is as perky as a teenager, but your nipples should not be touching your navel—on purpose. Strap up and rise to the occasion.
SANDALS
Love: I don’t have a foot fetish but I can still appreciate a great pedicure and the sandals that puts it on display. Not sure what it is about seeing a woman with her toes freshly done in a nice sandal that’s such a sight to behold but if your feet are on point, you’ll get no complaints from me.
Hate: Now, if you’re the proud owner of some dogged out feet and wish to put them out for public view, I commend your bravery but seriously: what are you doing? I can’t stand seeing a woman with ashy heels, corns, bunions or chipped up nails walking around in sandals like ain’t nothing wrong. I don’t care how cute your shoe or outfit is, you just ruined the moment and will have me running like Eddie Murphy in Boomerang (see below) at the first sign of hammer time.
TENNIS SKIRTS
Love: I’ll admit, I never watched a game of tennis until Venus and Serena got on the scene, but I’ve admired tennis skirts for ages. Just how the frilly material rises ever so slightly as a woman walks is a sight to behold. Don’t let it be a windy day because any light breeze can recreate that infamous Marilyn Monroe picture with a skirt playfully rising up.
Hate: Actually, I don’t have anything bad to say about the tennis skirt. But if your legs look like they’re made of cottage cheese, perhaps another outfit might be in order. #I’mSaying.
WIFE-BEATER
Love: Sometimes, something as simple as a “wife-beater” (also known as an A-shirt) can be the sexiest thing ever. This form-fitting top shows off a woman’s curves and some of the sexiest backs and shoulder blades God’s created. Any woman that can make something as plain as a wife-beater look good has it going on.
Hate: To be 100-percent real with y’all, I actually appreciate a slight muffin top. It can actually be cute in small doses, or maybe that’s just me. But when you’ve got a whole bakery of muffins around your waist, then a wife-beater is not for you. Well, at least not as your sole top for your outfit. In such instances this undershirt should actually be worn under your shirt.
— Anslem “NWSO” Samuel
For more on NWSO’s relationship advice and bare-naked truth, as well as his popular weekly erotica series, Wet Wednesdays, be sure to check his daily blog, Naked With Socks On, here.
