While having a conversation with a co-worker about what it feels like to be a married 20-something, I was asked a very interesting question:
“Did he ask you to sign a prenup?”
My response? Pure laughter. A hearty chuckle, right from the gut. “Girl! What would I take?”
That wasn’t to say that my husband doesn’t have assets, nor was it meant to be a dig by any means. And that’s not to say he doesn’t have goals that could reap major benefits in the future. Still, the question just didn’t make sense to me. The way I saw it, we aren’t celebrities with three homes and millions of dollars earned on the line. Therefore, a prenup just didn’t sound reasonable as two everyday, ordinary people just trying to live comfortably.
But as it turns out, plenty of everyday women are asked to sign prenuptial agreements. Maybe their future husband owns a business or makes more than just a “good” living. Whatever it is, it’s becoming more common. That still doesn’t change the offense many women take to the request to sign one.
For instance, on the show Black Ink Crew, the owner of the popular Harlem tattoo shop of the same name asked his fiancée, who also happens to be a tattoo artist at the establishment, to sign a prenup. She was initially offended, even laughing in his face. She took things a step further, though, insulting his work. “Black Ink is barely f–king kicking rocks,” she said. “You can keep that. Keep that.” What she would explain to him was that she came to the shop taking care of herself and would leave taking care of herself. However, as the season progressed, she started making comments, saying that she felt she had a hand in building the shop up as his partner and as an in-demand artist, so if they were to split, she might feel entitled to something down the line. Last time we checked, he was still trying to get her to sign that thing — and they still aren’t married. Guess that was just the beginning of a whole host of issues they would need to work through.
I also ran across a story from a woman online who said she was hurt that her fiancé asked her to sign a prenup, especially since she didn’t think it was his idea in the first place.
“So my fiance and I are both in our mid 20s and neither one of us is very rich, but he has a lot of assets compared to me, and he wants to get a pre-nup which would cover the amount of money he has made at his current position, but wouldn’t relate to any money he makes at other companies down the road after getting married.
I don’t know how to take this. I’ve never been materialistic and it’s been clear since day one he has 100% of the power in this relationship…It seems like his only reason for doing this is that some older guys at work told him to.”
I also found another who said that if you need a back-up plan to marry someone, you shouldn’t get married at all.
“My objection is based on the fact that I subscribe to the simple notion that if you don’t trust a person, then you shouldn’t marry that person, and I resent being asked to ‘prove’ my good intentions.
Although I love him deeply, I’m not sure I can marry someone who wants a fail-safe back-up plan for himself, when I’d trust him enough to move away and give up my career to take care of him and raise a family.”
Prenuptial agreements in this day and age seem to be common. In some cases, you can kind of understand where a guy, or girl, is coming from in wanting one. If they were married before and found themselves battling their ex in court over money, then it makes sense for them to want to protect themselves. That was actually the case in the latter situation. To some, it’s simply just a financial plan — just in case. But for others, it’s putting bad juju on what should be a happy time. Assumptions are made and one could see it as their partner not being confident that they will want to stay married (or they already know they’re going to cut up after you both say “I do”).
Speaking to a lawyer would probably help to clarify things and aid in things not being taken so personally. But I would have to admit that I would feel some type of way had my husband requested for me to sign a prenup before we married. However, keeping my eye on the bigger picture, I would know my intentions, my love for my partner, and wouldn’t allow a prenup to keep me from tying the knot. If you know that you aren’t out for money, but rather, for your spouse’s heart, is it really that big of a deal?
But as always, that’s just my opinion. What say you? Where do you stand on prenuptial agreements? What if you know that your partner doesn’t have much? Would you be offended by the request to sign one and what it might mean they think of you?
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