Corbis
I didn’t date much as a teen, but when I did, my overly conservative parents always made sure they had their hand in the pot. Having a guy over as my company meant sitting in the living room watching TV, and getting dropped off and picked up from each other’s homes, as well as to and from the movies, the mall, restaurants, wherever. There was never a moment without adult supervision. And whoever the guy was, no matter how serious I may have taken him at the time, he was just my “little friend” to my parents. My parents didn’t take my teenage puppy love seriously. Truth be told, I now understand why: everything had its infatuation period, followed by the devastating breakup and the immediate crush on someone else soon after. That was the way “love” went when you were a teen growing up in the early ‘00s.
Flash forward to my college days. I entered my first real relationship, which lasted for six years. Even when it clearly wasn’t some puppy love phase, to my parents, my long-term boyfriend was still my “little friend.”
Seriously, how old am I? 12?
Attending family functions and gatherings together didn’t matter to my mom, because she would introduce him as my “little friend.” In public. Not my boyfriend, not my man…he was my “little friend” as if she had scheduled some sort of play date for us.
And no matter how old I get, it’s like my family just doesn’t seem to take my relationships seriously. Your boyfriend or girlfriend is and always will be “your little friend.” But the good news is that I have learned how to establish an adult relationship with my parents that has encouraged them to respect my current partner and acknowledge him as an important part of my life. He is not my “little friend.” These sorts of strides are important when you’re almost 30, and your parents are still creating awkward situations for you at family gatherings…
Here are some ways to let your family know your love life is not a game and how you can assist them in being respectful of your relationships.
Go Public
For the most part, mature relationships tend to have some degree of privacy. However, the person you are dating shouldn’t be a secret, especially to your family. If they are important to you, they shouldn’t have to remain a mystery. Because when they’re hidden, it becomes even harder for your clan to care, let alone take them seriously.
Sit Them Down For “The Talk”
If your family is anything like mine, you are often hounded about when you’re going to settle down, get married and have kids. Which is why it makes no sense that when I finally meet someone worth spending my life with, they see him as my “little friend.” Sometimes you just have to put your foot down and let them know you’re a grown woman in a relationship with a grown man, and as far as you currently know, they aren’t going anywhere.
Establish A Different Dating Pattern
Meeting the family is a big step, so if you feel you are ready to make a serious commitment to the person you’re dating, meeting the parents is the final piece to putting together that puzzle. If you’re used to bringing different men or women around the family often, then it’s not a far-fetched idea that your folks won’t take this new person seriously. It might be time for you to switch up such habits. Incorporate your partner into family functions and create opportunities for them to bond with relatives in a safe and comfortable space. Let your family see that this person is here to stay.
If All Else Fails…To Hell With Them
It’s your relationship, not theirs. If they don’t agree with it, or they don’t take it seriously, they will still have to accept it and at least, be respectful of the person you’re with.
