Shutterstock
If you’ve ever foreseen your future with a house, a husband and a brood of kids, could you remove the latter from the equation if the man you were in love with didn’t want them? Do you think you could find fulfillment in your partner alone?
I’ve spoken briefly about this topic in the past, and it came up again when I heard a young woman speaking on the fact that the man she loves doesn’t want to have children. She was responding to a question posted to her, of whether or not she could really be okay with not having kids–something she’d stated that she wanted before. Her answer?
“I’ll be fine. At the end of the day, I’d rather have him than kids.”
That made me a little sad, especially since it sounded like she was giving up on something she really wanted to keep her partner around.
However, I don’t know her for real, and I’m not in her situation. But it did make me wonder what I would do in such a situation. If I felt as though I had found the love of my life, could I go without something that I once felt was so integral to my future for him. Could you?
For me, personally, I don’t think I could do it. While it would be painful, I could leave a relationship and find someone who would want the same things. But if I chose the relationship and he was adamant that he didn’t want the same things I would want down the line, I would probably hold on to that regret. I definitely think that denying yourself certain important things is something that will just come back to haunt you if you compromised and your partner didn’t. If it’s something you really want, it will be on your mind until you make it happen.
We rarely come into relationships on the same page, wanting the exact same things. And yes, people can grow and have a change of heart, meaning that your partner knowing children is something you want could motivate him to be open to the idea. But waiting around and hoping that the man in your life will feel the same way that you do about something so major sounds like a recipe for a great amount of time wasted.
At the end of the day, it’s good when a man is upfront and honest about the things he does and doesn’t see for himself because that way you know what you’re getting yourself into. You can’t get mad at anyone but yourself if you knowingly go into a relationship with someone who doesn’t want kids, and then you get upset at the reality of it all. But a compromise would be nice. Because the idea of either having to conform to what he wants or go without him sounds like an ultimatum and ultimatums, suck.
So, with all that being said, how would you handle a situation like this? If you wanted kids at one point, would you rather have “him” than “them” if the “him” seemed like he could be “The One”?
