Is it Racist to Only Date Your Own Race?

July 12, 2011  |  



I had a recent conversation with a female associate – a white woman – who admitted to me that the life partner she was in search of must be a white dude.

As a black male, I had that natural, visceral “why he gotta be a WHITE dude??” response. That type of gut reaction, I think, is to be expected when directed from someone of the majority race to someone of a historically oppressed race.  This woman must be a bona fide racist, right. She’d put the first Negro she caught in her net on the spit to feed her dogs if there were no consequences, true?

Fortunately for me, I’m able to move past the emotion to reach the nuances, and I’m not willing to condemn her as a racist scalliwag for her connubial preferences without digging a bit deeper.

Physical attraction is very subjective, and I don’t think it’s much of a coincidence that, by and large, we’re attracted to our own kind. Nor do I think it’s a testament to racism. For example, many of you are not attracted to anyone that’s not a black man, for many reasons. Does that necessarily make you a bigot? Methinks not.

However, there are almost always exceptions to every rule of attraction, so I think most people can’t honestly say they aren’t attracted to any person in a given ethnic group. I’m not attracted to western African women in general, but I’m sure there are some I’d find banging.

The biggest issue for me is when people aren’t attracted to anyone of their OWN ethnicity. I find that odd, but then again I also am not sure if it’s an issue of self-hate so much as it’s a by-product of how and where a person is raised. For example, black men who are raised around nothing but white people in a white school with white friends…I don’t expect them to necessarily be down with the Nubian Bourgetto Hood Princesses (NBHPs), and neither should you.

I realize that we have been conditioned by standards of beauty, but I’ve always thought it far more complicated than being forever programmed to like a certain type of woman based on growing up looking at Cosmopolitan magazine cover women while waiting with our mothers in grocery store lines. I’m no social scientist, but common sense and experience has led me to believe our environmental upbringing is big in our attractions.

Now, if someone is not attracted to another race because they are worried about how they would be perceived, how their friends would think or anything along those lines, that’s racist. Being into someone and rejecting them due solely to the inherent challenges of a mixed relationship is Beyotch-made, period.

So while the girl’s response didn’t surprise me, it made me think of how many white girls I’ve tried to mack on throughout the years that felt exactly the same way. It also makes me wonder how many white women I was with that wouldn’t have gone for me if I weren’t high yellow…

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  • J.r. Bomber

    Thank you for this. I have pondered this question myself. I come from a very racist background and have struggled to deal with racism of the past and in myself. Attractiveness as dictated to us all by the media has really done a job on us all imho. I recall when I got one of my first jobs when I was a teen. There was a beautiful blond girl who was stunning. However she had such a lousy personality that I quickly found her unattractive and could look at her and actually feel repulsed in-spite of her outward beauty. Inner beauty, wins the day imho. Cheers!

  • Leslie

    There is nothing wrong with wanting to date someone of your own race, just like I don’t think it is wrong dating people of different races; however, if you are a closed minded bigot who doesn’t think someone of another race deserves to breath, live in this world and have equal opportunities and live your dream…you are the problem.

  • Pomegranates4life

    I find it hard to believe there are people that find only one race to be attracted to. Isn’t there a study that said that humans want to find a mate with different genes than theirs? I’m am pretty fond every race, yet I don’t feel as excited when dating my own as feel I should be, when I date them its comfortable. That kind of feeling.

    • stellabystarlite

      Different immune system, not race. By and large, people seek out mates similar in appearance, socioeconomic status, educational background, personality, etc.

  • Lani

    I don’t believe it’s racist at all. I am a white woman, I love my black friends and their families for who they are, proud people. They accept me for who I am and I accept them for who they are. Two of my closest friends are biracial sisters, one likes black boys, one like white. I don’t consider either racist for who they are attracted to, no one should be judged on that. I am not attracted to black men, or asian men. I grew up in a well rounded house with the belief we are all equal, that doesn’t mean I find all races attractive enough to consider them as partners, I don’t find blonde people attractive either. Each person in this world has certain things that attract them to other people, if you are part of the excluded group, then find someone else who is attracted to you. You wouldn’t just hate someone if they said, sorry I really want someone with a fake arm or leg, people will have their own view on who is someone a potential partner and no one else has a say in that. No race has the right to be so conceited. Physical attraction is a big part of any relationship, no matter what the preference.

  • P.B

    i am a black woman & there's nothing finer 2 me (key word) than a strong, fine, black man. it is racist? i think not, but if anyone else does… 2 bad! i grew up w/an african american father who would turn boot-black after washing the car on a sunny day. i have 2 brothers one of which is a chocolate brown, the other deep chocolate, along w/a variety of uncles and cousins. this is all i saw growing up as a child. as i became an adult, i saw the beauty in other races (i have a secret crush on sean connery), and if i were not involved right now, i would be open 2 dating them, but the black man is ingrained in my heart!!!

  • chocolateman


  • chocolateman

    this is not racist, it is right thing. it means that you respect, love yourself, your man/woman or race and anti dumb or self-hating weak azz person! you want to be happy with man or woman of you own race this is always good things because god hate ugly and karma is b'tch! i am real chocolate skin black man who dating only black/mixed women and i want marry black woman for making real chocolate/brown skin black sons/kids look like me and anti look like whites! dark skin and black love the best!

  • COCO

    I'll date anyone period. I love black men but I'm aware that I can't limit my dating pool.

  • grey eyed girl

    My white husband did this very thing with me…in spite of my preference for black men, he swept me off my feet. I share this all the time whenever I'm asked why I choose to marry a white man. It never had anything to do with black men at all but who I fell deeply in love with.

    • Guest

      Love doesn’t exist. Prove me wrong

    • Marquis

      “Love” is a sensation of pleasure we receive from someone. This pleasure can take form in sexual, emotional, and even financial pleasures derived from a significant other. This “love” actually exists in anything that brings us pleasure!

  • justsaying_it

    Is called , not (in called) I meant

  • justsaying_it

    In all honesty it seems that any one who isn't attracted to an African-American in called a races for not wanting to date them, but I have been called racist by many white guys for not having any interest, so maybe it does, and maybe it doesn't.

    • justsaying_it

      Racist I meant

  • Josie

    lmao at this whole subject and this thread……. date who you want to date, love who you want to love, peel off the skin and we're all the same anyway

  • cali

    negro please. don't use not wanting to be perceived as being racist as your excuse for dating white girls.

  • Northern Cali Honey

    I think most people are attracted to those people who are "like" them, maybe not necessarily their color, but maybe the society and where they "came from." People tend to grativate towards people who are "like " them, have the same likes, same activities, etc. However, if someone prefers their own race over another, you can't call it "racist", but a preference. As "racist" means a hatred of another race…like many others have stated, to each their own. For those who always go for the same type of person, maybe you should switch it up once or twice n see what you find. All i know is, you can't judge a book by it's cover, cuz you just don't know the story til you read it.

  • LynLy

    It doesn’t strikely me odd when I see people wanting or likes to date outside their race. And, or prefer just dating within their race. I think it only matters how you make of it cause people are people. We all have feelings and preference, but it doesn’t make other people bad just because you’re not used to seeing that. I agree with how the older generations are honestly against that because of how they are raised. Or people in the comfort zone and don’t want to change. Some people aren’t willing to want to make any changes because it makes them feel safe and comforted. Sure, there will be dramas especially if your family is strict, but love is not in the color of a person’s skin. It’s what it’s in the inside that matters. If you think about it… Everyone has the same color inside. The skin on the outside is just a pigment of being you. =] Good Article!

  • Mick Sixx

    I'm a white man. I prefer to date only black women. I will not date a white woman. Does that make me racist against white women? I gre up in an all white community, was raised to be open minded and accepting of all. In my eyes, there is nothing sexier than a strong black woman. I can't explain it. it's my preference.

    • GailS

      Hey Mick … do you have black men as friends? I have noticed that a lot of white men who exclusively date black women don't have many, if any, black men as friends–at least here in southern California.

    • ceenoodle

      I agree, I'm a WW and I prefer melanin! Latin, Black, Pacific Islander, etc. I've always liked brown curly hair, brown eyes and brown skin which is the exact opposite of how I look. Guess we are the self-hating outliers, lol.. 😉

  • Mandisa

    As humans, we put WAY too much power in race. We use race to determind what type of person someone is what they do, what they like, whether or not we'd like them, whether or not they like us and it's REDICULOUS. We are human beings, we can THINK we can determind the type of person someone is based on their personality and by actually getting to know the person. There are over twice as many black women than there are black men in America alone. A large chunk of American black men (846,000) are in jail. Others are on their way. Many are dating interracially. It's physically impossible for every black woman to date within her race . Even if a large chunk of us lowered our standards to men who are incarcerated, participating in illegal activity, we simply dont like or who's in a relationship, there still wouldn't be enough black men for every black women.

  • guest

    This post could only be found on a black blog. Black people are so brainwashed. No other race even asks this question. YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO PUT YOUR OWN RACE FIRST! Some black women are so obsessed with white men that a perfectly fine and decent brother could fall right in their laps and they wouldn't know. They are too busy looking for MR. White. Sad.

  • Blacq

    No, it is not racist to "support" your people–something that a lot of our black people DO NOT DO.

    I DO want to see proliferation of my black race and not a bunch of what I call mixed nutts. Out.

  • Dominique

    Does anyone know if there is research being done on the theory of people's up bringing causing them to be attracted or unattraction to a certain race. If so i would like to read up on it, possibly help conduct research.

  • LCM

    It's not necessarily racist to only want to date people who look like you, just ethnocentric and closed minded. Just imagine how different Latin America would be if people had had these goals of "self preservation" for the past few centuries!
    Self preservation shouldn't be about falling in love with someone who looks like you and making babies that come out with a similar skin color to you anyway! Thankfully knowing these things has lead me to the greatest man I've ever met, and I love him like I have loved no other man of the same race as me!

  • Gordy

    If it's simply choice, how can that be racist( that's like calling someone sexist because they only date the opposite if your reasons to not date another race is because you give others some blanket inferiority under your own race then ….u might to have that come to accept the reality that you are a racist.

  • Confused Black Man?

    Other races go home to marry their own race because race and culture come first. Love will come later in the relationship. Black people need to stop saying it doesn't matter who you fall in love with. No one says that except blacks. White men love white women, Indian men love Indian women, Middle Eastern men love Middle Eastern Women, when will black people search for each other? Other races are searching for their own people. prospering with their own people. Heaven forbid black people did the same. If white people truly desired blacks like some black men and women think they do, we would be a mixed society already.

  • Confused Black Man?

    Black people love all other races on planet Earth except themselves. Why? It is only natural to love somebody of your race. Your supposed to put your race over others. Every other race does. Maybe that's why other races are so successful over black people. Black people are on a first class ride to the sewers with their mentalty. Black men love all other races except black women and black women love all other races except black men. But for other races it's reversed. White woman love white men. Latina women love latino men. You can't make this mentality of black folks up. The handful of other races that interracially marry blacks, makes black people actually think their entire race loves their ass. And please for god sake, stop saying it doesn't matter what race you fall in love with,because other races choose race as a prerequisite for their mate over anything eles. Indian, Middle Eastern, and Asian males go back home to their country if they can't find a mate in the states. They how loyal other races are to each other. But a few blacks marry whites and all of the sudden all white women love black men and all white men love black women.

  • First it is a matter of knowing yourself and others. To know Black is to love Black. Why would someone be shock to hear a white woman state that she only would date a white male. A person who is high yellow probably would feel put down and have their ego hurt. He must have felt a strong connection to whites and then felt rejection. Barack Obama was raised around whites, yet he married a fine brown woman. A better question is why would someone who is Black want to marry outside of their race. And if the answer is because of love, then why do they love that person and couldn't they receive "love" from a Black person and if not, why not? see

  • SMH

    What do you care about the white woman's honest response. Still don't get black people's obsession with being accepted by the white culture. Yes, play their game so you can get ahead but why worry over whether or not they find you physically attractive?

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  • Just another guy

    Haha this guy is an idiot. African-Americans, Afro-Caribbean and Afro-South Americans are mainly from West Africa. At least think about something before you say something like that but hey feel free to continue with the self hatred.

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  • Not a Racist

    Heck no it's not racist!! lol I know I'm only attracted to black men and I'm tired of people trying to make me feel bad about it. Like seriously just because we're trying to push society forward doesn't mean I HAVE to date a white guy smdh.

  • bbeautiful

    y are you so concerned that a WHITE woman wants a WHITE man. i truly don't understand y its natural to respond with "y he gotta be white dude", its really not. most brothas i know would say oh. now its a perfectly natural response if a black woman had said that because despite the recent and modern influx or interracial dating…. people have and still generally stick with their own. its sound like u kinda salty because u frequently date white woman……side note on yo comment about being high yellow, dont know what you talkin bout there either cause white girls love them song foreal dark as night mandingo men.

  • i am woman

    I am a black female that had a white guy come on to me before. I was one who preferred dating within my race but I was a little more mature and learned to like what likes me. We had very good chemistry and we made each other laugh all the time. It is not about race it is about respect for one another at the end of the day. I have a close white male friend that understands the struggles of black people and is very offended by the N word. I can have a conversation with him and share personal experiences and him the same. If you don’t choose to learn about another culture you will always have those racial boundries. I still love my black men but if my future mate is of another race then so be it! It is all about how a person treats you at the end of the day not the color of their skin.

  • Lisa

    You have a right to determine who you are attracted to, but I was a bit taken aback by your comment on West African women. Just like African-American women, West African women cannot just be lumped into one group as attractive or unattractive based on the few that you have come across in your lifetime. You have a right to your opinion, but such a broad generalization shows lack of exposure.

  • homie

    As a high yellow woman, I've always been attracted to dark skinned black men. I've dated yellow
    men but the attraction wasn't the same. Most white men only want a bed warmer. I will always believe
    when black men only date white women it's self hate.

  • Robert Bridges

    It is a matter of choice. Everyone has the right to date or not to date outside their own race. There are beautiful and intelligent women of every race in my view. My time as a white male attending a black University opened my eyes to alot of things. If I meet a woman that has all or nearly all the qualities I am looking for but is not the same race, I would not let that racial difference stand in the way of what could be a good thing. But again that is my choice and the choice of the lady In question.

  • African Violet

    I think the best part of this article was the expressed shock or surprise that a white woman would tell a black man that she's not attracted to him, or that she would want to marry a white man. I think looking at NBA (and other professional sports') marrying patterns has skewed the reality that there are actually many, many white women (and men) that will never bat an eye at a black man (or woman) as attraction/dating/marriage material.

  • Tara

    Actually, white women prefer darker skinned men. So I dont know where that comment came from. And I find it AMAZING that a black man would be offended because a white woman does not date black men. Now that is arrogant.

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  • GailS

    I work with white people all day and the last thing I want is to go home to them.

    • SayCheese

      I understand your feeling. I used to feel the same way because of the 10 years I spent in a rural area. I don't even call those people White. White people have a high school education and some went to college. The ones I was around were mostly rednecks, hicks and hillbillies. I will admit I still have a racist in me. Because of the bad treatment I would get from them. I just say date your own race. Find someone with your values and family structure. Then you should be good.

  • Pictures of black men——–that date outside their race

  • Kayla

    it's not racist, how can you not be attracted t your own race. Im a black woman i live in a inner city where all the black men here sell drugs, hang out, smoke weed. etc… still doesn't change my views on black men.

    • SayCheese

      Exactly. I don't live in the inner city. I live in the suburbs now where there is mixture of people. I used to live in the country where it was mostly white. When I got the chance to go to the suburbs or city. I usally dated Black men. I have dated White and Latin. But I married Black.

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  • Kim

    Correct me if I'm wrong but aren't most African Americans of West African descent…?

    As for the question at hand, no it clearly isn't racist. I think a more interesting question would be "Is it racist to never date your own race…?" Most people justified sticking to your own race by saying its just a preference. The same argument can be used for those of us who tend to exclusively date outside our race…so why is it not as societally acceptable?

    • Difference

      I think because the latter is more of an indication to people that you don't like your own kind whereas dating your own indicates the contrary. Just a guess. (Not saying that's always the guess–but I think that's how it's interpreted by society)

    • Netski

      I noticed that comment about West Africans, and it kinda hit me the wrong way, too.

  • QuestionsThenActions

    I don' think it's racist to have a PREFERENCE for your own race. But I believe to become PREJUDICED against other races because of this preference is racist. Someone who is more attracted to black men should not say that they won't date white or hispanic men because of some ignorant generalization. There is no blame for choosing your own race in a partner over another, that's natural. But I do think it poses a problem when it causes you to overlook something else that could be great simply because of skin color.
    All that said, you can't help who you love. An interracial couple walking down the street, whether it be a black man and white woman, or a black woman and white man, should not have to face judgment from strangers who don't know the reasons they ended up together, and whether they were out of preference, prejudice, or chance.
    It's always great to see black families happy, especially surrounding all the negative media attention we get. But it should also be great to see people moving past such issues as race in this country all because of love.

    • Northern Cali Honey

      Love it, love it, love it.

  • Brodie

    I don't care who anybody dates, just stay out of my business. I like men with a pulse, EVERYTHING else is negotiable. I don't even have a phenotype I like.

    Matthew McConaughey, Keanu Reeves, Lenny Kravitz, Benjamin Bratt, Jonathan Haagensen, Vinci Alonso, Michael Ealy, Sendhil Ramamurthy, and William Wong. There, that should cover everybody.

  • DonWong

    Not racist, just close minded. I look for love… not color. So I'll be happy when I find that one woman that offers me everything. I would be a fool to turn that person away only because of the color of their skin or where they came from. I've dated both black and white women.

  • Franny

    Yes it is racist. I liked a jewish boy in high school and he said he only liked jewish girls.

    • gordy

      but were you Jewish?(on a spiritual level)..for alot of people, religion would have more to do with initial rejection than race.

  • I can tbelieve .. i put 3 comments on here and came back and they were gone… i have to check into this.. is this site racisr??

    • Just another guy

      lol your comments are still here, I saw your reply to peoples responses just hit the arrow sign n they should show up.

      • gotcha!!!@just another guy… its working now , at first when i hit reply it woldnt show but now it does .. Thanks!

  • where are my comments?????? whats up with deleting my comments.. you dont want to hear the truth.. are you racist?? now thats racist.. only listening to what you want to hear on a publc site???

  • seek2027

    ITs not racist but everyone should have the choice to date whomever they want. i do think its racist when black people dont date or even give their own kind a chance but like i said its a choice.

    • its funny how some black men date white women and talk bad about black women,, but the white woman struts on like she has something over the black woman.. NOT!! first of all i wouldnt want to date a man that talks about a woman black or white or purple, second i havw heard white men talk bd about white women .. wth! if you date a nother race.. keep it moving .. no need to bad mouth the women of your race.. trust me.. bad motuthing can go both ways.. always two sides to a story.. and i still cant get with all this white woman black man love all of a sudden!! maybe if it was always open for dating whomever, but jusrt all of a sudden .. thats thata the kicker.. all of a sudden!! and they call that love NOT!!

  • manc

    It depends on the reasons why you only date your own race…
    Purely preference is OK as attraction isn't controllable so in this case no. But if it's due to prejudiced ideas you hold about other races then yes.

    • SayCheese

      I agree with your post.

  • Queen Bee

    While I believe this article to be well written, I think the thougts expressed on social perception and our reactions to it come from a place of inexperience with that particular issue. I believe that unless you have dealt firsthand with a negative social reaction to interracial dating, judging others on their desire or choice NOT to deal with it is a little shortsighted. Even in today’s society, interracial dating comes with a certain amount of social backlash. Personally, what I have found personally the most hurtful and offensive is the negative looks and comments from my own race, particularly the men. In an ideal society, we should confidentally date who we please because love is where you find it. But in reality, we all seek social acceptance and sometimes the sheer uncomfortableness of the ignorance and rejection (depending upon your geographical area) can make starting, maintaining and enduring in a interracial relationship so much harder than it needs to be. Relationships coe with their own challenges. So, while you may have a point that social perception shouldn’t be a factor, but sometimes it just it.

  • Netski

    I think it’s interesting how most all the women on here said they only wanted to date brothers yet almost all men in here said they date black women along with other races. The guys claim it’s an upbringing around white people that causes them to have attraction to different races. Are men the only ones who grow up around whites? I grew your up in a very mixed race environment but I have I very strong preference for black men. I just notice that women seem to stay with their own more…we seem more supportive / nurturing to our own when it comes to who we date

    Btw, I don’t think it’s racist to want to date
    inside your race. It’s not that you don’t love all races. It’s just that if you had to choose your support and loyalty goes to your own race first. And that’s with whom you want to build your family.

    • most black women and Indian women stay in their own race,, but white women lead the pack dating black men and latin and Asian come next.. i have never seen so many asian women with kids by black men, and spanish (mexican , puerto rican) women too… not aht mant Indian women.. but white people men and women never stay in their race, but they act like they are so superior over other races… not a good lok when you say one thing and then do another!

  • Ohpleaze

    Of course a black man would be offended by a white woman wanting a white man. This is the most confused, ignorant generation of black men that have ever walked the face of the earth. They embody the racist notion of the hypersexual black male, ready to screw anything that moves, yet completely unable to sustain relationships with women in his own community, thereby destroying it. Ring a bell??????!!!!

    • IvyLeagueBlackWoman

      I was waiting for someone to raise this point. Why is he [the black man] seemingly upset that she [the white woman] doesn't want to be with him for reasons of personal preference?!

      • Kayla

        they assume all white woman have jungle fever so to speak………

        • SayCheese

          I agree with what you said Kayla. That's a stereotype that has been put on white women for years. I'm not white myself. But I do have white friends that have gotten the same thing. They aren't racist at all. They just want to marry to White because that's what their use to. I'm black and I married a black man. Does that make me racist. Nooooo.

        • btowne


        • Rev_125

          And what they hell do you mean they? If you mean all black people, I am so sorry, but you are the most ignorant. If you can catagorize and entire race with “they” generalizations that is offensive. That’s like saying all white people sleep with their cousins and have head lice.

    • btowne

      You are so right!

    • grey eyed girl

      it is that PATHETIC MANDINGO STEREOTYPE that black men love; thus feel that they are above other men; expecially SEXUALLY. If they only knew; this is soooooo not the case as black men are NOT the only men that are good in bed…TRUST ME ON THAT! I experience this on a regular basis with my husband who is white. He's been giving it to me on the regular for the last 15 years and it is as GOOD now as it was the first time.

    • Rev_125

      For one. Not all black people in this generation are ignorant. You can call it whatever you want, it is confusing when someone doesn’t look beyond skin color. Is that a fair feeling? I think so. When you think just because some one is a certain race they aren’t good for you than that is ignorant. It not the attraction factor it’s what lies beyond that.

    • Marquis

      Do you know all black men? have you been to places like nigera, ghana, sudan, etcc.? If not , shut the hell up

  • WithAllHonesty

    No, not at all. It's just having a preference. We're mainly attracted to those who are similar to us.

    • WithAllHonesty

      Dislike all you want, but you can't control the 5 laws of attraction. And anyone who's butt hurt because someone's not checking for you due to the color of your skin, then you're a loser. Move the hell on>>>

  • No…I don't believe that only dating "your kind" is racist. IT IS NARROW-MINDED. I was raised a military brat overseas. The environment was predominantly white and so I do find white men attractive. BUT I am also attracted to black men. My parents wanted me to date and marry a black man and tried to force me to do just that. I tried to make them happy. Alas, I married a white man and have been with him for 24 wonderful years. My parents? Once they got to know him, they love him and know that he was the best man for me. My point? There is a great big world out there with plenty of men and women. Look beyond the color and see the heart of a person. Then make your decision.

    • grey eyed girl

      It is not NARROW-MINDED to date within only it is CULTURAL PREFERENCE learn the difference; oh and by the way before you get it twisted, I too am married to a white man and loving it as you are with your white husband. It is not cool to judge one for preferring their culture to date love and marry.

      My husband and I are blessed with a wonderful marriage, life and 3 beautiful children.

      • Marquis

        Facking disgustng. Destroying the black race with you mutts

  • Worldchanger!

    Wow, stupid article and subject. Yawn

  • Savannah

    No I don’t think its necessarily racist to date ur own race. It is just who you are aattracted to. If you don’t have anything against any other race, its just you’re not attracted to them, then no I don’t think so. This is something kinda the same, but a little different. Is it prejudice to only date smaller ppl in opposed to larger ones? Girls and guys both. This recently came into my mind when my sister looked at old pictures of her now skinny boyfriend when he was a lot bigger and said if he looked like that when he asked her out, she would have said no in a heartbeat. Me with a more muscular boyfriend (he plays football and likes to eat (as do i) andNOT the smallest player

  • Magister Veritatis

    Wanting to date your own race doesn't make you a racists. I use to think it did because non black women would always describe their ideal man as white, blonde, with blue eyes. But I soon began to understand why they had a specific prototype in mind. Physical attraction has more to do with location and socialization than it does race. I have several friends that grew up in entirely black communities. Trying to get these brothers to date non black women was a waste of time. They were entirely attracted to black women. On the other hand, I had the benefit of growing up in a mixed race community. Having been exposed to non black women throughout my childhood years probably influenced my taste in women. Indeed I date black women. But I also date Asian, Indian, and white females. At the end of the day, this issue stems from where one grows up and how they were socialized. Black women claim they are entirely loyal to black men. Granted, some are because they are surrounded by black men in their communities. But I have seen black women, in large numbers I might add, that do not like black males at all. Part of the reason is location. They grew up around white guys their entire life, so that's what they like. The other half has to do with socialization.

    • WithAllHonesty

      I question why anyone would TRY to get someone to date someone of a different race. Why? What are the motives? What is there to gain? Why must someone be persuaded to date outside their race?

      • Magister Veritatis

        Nothing intentional about it. If you only date black women and I date all types of women it makes it difficult to hang out in different places. You want to hang at black clubs. I want to hang at mixed spots. It makes it difficult to kick it when all you want is to be around black women.

        • crystallineentity

          I think it more depends on class. Until I met my boyfriend now I had only dated white guys. I went to private schools and a small predominantly white college. My med school class had six black faces including me. In residency my 2 year relationship was with a white guy but it wasn't until I realized that although we were okay, our families still had a lot of pull on us so…we broke up. My boyfriend now is a black man and he always makes fun of me for not "being black" even though he's a huge classist himself. I found him incredibly attractive because he was smart, ambitious, came from a decent family and is an upper middle class person like me. he's also a huge dork and likes scifi- what more could I ask for. I'm sure if there were more black men around me like him I would have dated them but a lot of the black men I would come across when I was younger were just not the kind of person I would be with (intellectually, class-wise, religious etc.) I grew up pretty middle class with a teacher mom and an army officer dad. most black guys i met weren't interested, but i definitely find being with a black man comforting and like home. weird no?

  • kimberly

    is this serious? No it's not racist to just date your own race. In nature its called "self-preservation"

  • Yes, he does! sorry, but I feel only a black man can be a mate for me and if they makes me a racist…then so be it. To each HER own!

  • I love how what I wrote to the editor last week has now been made into an article.. *sigh.. __No.. It doesnt' make you a racist. For people that have that mentality, they might need to question their perception of the world and their definition and understanding of racism and bigotry.__People are attracted to who they are attracted to. This is like that stupid article last week about not finding a black man and dating a white man..Everyone just assumes instead of asking the Black woman.. Many black women will tell you they are not ATTRACTED to a white man or feel they have little in common.__Love doesn't have a color, but preferences are shaded by our environment and ethnicity. Get out of your enviroment, get into diversity, and this becomes a non-issue.. the topic is no longer debatable.__If people want to read an article about men–Let's crunch the numbers. Let's look at the upbringing. Let's check our standards and personal expectations and self worth.Because the rest of this are merely symptoms of bigger issues.. and I will be SO glad when someone writes about that instead of answering the same question over and over again._

  • Prissy

    NO it is NOT racist to only want to date or mate with your own race. YES I grew up in a mixed city (Houston)… YES there are plenty of attractive men of other races.. But I simply do not feel that "thing" that i feel with Black men. I LOVE my race. I LOVE being a Black woman. I LOVE all aspects of the African/Black diaspora. What is so wrong with wanting to be with your own kind? The majority does it all the time. Black is AMAZING. Black is beautiful and I am all for the Black family.

    • WithAllHonesty

      Exactly! They want to make Black people question the love/preference/pride they have for themselves and each other, but the love whites or any other race have for themselves or one another isn't questioned at all. We have value too and we have every right to value and prefer one another.

      • with all honesty and prissy.. toy both are riight, and i feel its an individual choice.. no its not racist to want to date your own race only,, more should try it! Long while back no other race wanted to date black men but we black women always knew what we had in black men,, now when you have black and white washrooms thats racist, or when you say a public establishment is for whites only thats racist, when you follow me in a store because im black and stereotype me saying i steal , thats racist but if you choose to date your won race.. thats your personal choice and you have a right to that! I dont understand t at all how other races can put themselves ahead of blacks but all races of women are running to date and sleep with blackmen..dont understand that at all! black men are part of the black race too you know!

        • JayT

          hmmm… so its a personal choice and a right to date only one race and to discriminate on dating others based on race? ok, so if someone has their own establishment and reserves the right to only serve people of their race, is that still just a personal choice and should not be considered racist? I understand attraction, emotional connection, etc comes into play with relationships but to automatically rule people out without getting to know them simply because of their race is….. racist.

          • @JayT It's not racist. In order to get know you have to hold conversations with them and gain an opportunity to hang out with them. I don't think any of us is against that, I'm certainly not. So once friendship is established if your attraction doesn't move further then it must be your cultural preference, lol like someone said above.

            Remember the key word in the definition of racist is superiority. The thought that one race is superior over another. I don't think anyone has said that black is better but only that there was a profound love for black. Do you hold that same love?

    • tpe



  • Jarrett Tate

    Well stated, sir. As a Black male who grew up in a mixed environment and regularly ran into the type of women described in your post, I can definitely feel what you're saying.

    • grey eyed girl

      Wanting to date only within your race is not racist; it is CULTURAL PREFERENCE. I learned this from my father as a child. Most black women date and only prefer to date within their race yet no one calls them racist. Why should it be different for a white woman that prefers to date only white men?


      • chris

        lol am sure its not but it sure does sound racist to say “preferring your own”..hitler perfered his own to (i know i know sorry for pulling out the nazi card just trying to make my point of how it “SOUNDS” not is racist…